Beauty in the Broken
by Tutto-E-Lecito
Summary: Kairi, continuing her life as much as possible after what happened, is still in London, surrounded by her friends. She's been fighting everyday to piece together the fragments left over from the nightmarish incident one year ago, but it has been a struggle. Working, wedding planning, and therapy consume her days, that is, until Sherlock returns. Sequel to Born in Black and White
1. Chapter 1

_**THIS IS A SEQUEL TO BORN IN BLACK AND WHITE - If you'd like any story continuity, I suggest you read that one first as this is heavily rooted in what occurred in that story. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Kairi toddled around her front room, bouncing and shushing the baby that was wrapped up against her. The three month old infant was curled upon her chest, secured by a lavish piece of material, artfully tied to support him against the flat plane of her chest and stomach. She kept switching from humming to shushing anytime the little baby stirred against her, brazenly nuzzling his tiny face within the valley of her chest, no doubt rooting for food. She sighed as he did this, since she felt as if it were only moments ago that she fed him. She glanced at her nearby clock and realized that it had actually been a couple of hours since his last feeding and she better get on it if she didn't desire a screaming infant in her arms.

Too young to feed in the confines of the woven wrap, she gracefully untied it and sat herself down on the couch preparing to feed the eager and quickly growing baby with dark hair and deep blue eyes. He had yet to acquire either his mother or his father's signature orbs. She smiled sweetly at him as he wriggled in her lap, yawning and cooing and looking very much like his father with his wry grin. She chuckled at that, the charm seemed to be genetic. She woke him up a bit, tapping on his hands and getting him to reach out and grip her fingertips with a giggle. She cooed at him, trying to get him to respond or echo. For only three months old, he seemed to be very smart, developing quickly and curious about the world around him. Kairi couldn't be more proud.

"May I feed him?"

Kairi looked up into the eyes of Danni, now a brilliant six going on seven year old standing on the other side of the arm of the sofa. "Why don't you play with him a bit while I get his bottle ready?"

Danni's eyes brightened as Kairi stood and laid him down on his play mat. Danni sat next to him with Toby just a foot away, popping his head up and thumping his dangerous tail against the ground with a whump. He crawled just minutely closer, stretching out his nose to take in the glorious scent of a fresh little baby. Kairi chuckled as she walked into her kitchen and reached into her freezer to pull out a bag of pumped breast milk. She placed it in the warmer and got it started as she watched Toby and the children with a keen eye.

"Danni, you mustn't move around so much, he's still learning to focus." The refined voice of a now eight going on nine year old Julie called out, quite regally, from the nearby chair as she read one of Kairi's old books.

"He's a baby, he needs to learn to adapt." Danni shot back with snark, "Plus, he likes it!" She smiled down and wiggled her fingers in the infants face as his eyes widened with wonder.

Kairi chuckled again and looked to Julie who just rolled her eyes at her little sister. Kairi hastened to prepare the bottle, dropping the little plastic bag into the recommended bottle. This fancy thing was most analogous to a breast, as to not ruin little William's proper latch. The timer dinged just as the bottle was put together and Kairi switched the milk from the freezer bag into the bottle, swirling it gently to get it at the right temperature for the infant's sensitive mouth. She tested it on her wrist, not feeling a thing as the cream colored drops patterned her pale skin and she smiled happily, finally feeling as if she were getting the hang of this infant business.

She walked back over to the passel of children and sat the bottle on her coffee table. She bent over to the dark and wild haired baby and picked him up, bouncing him all the way back to their spot on the couch with Toby, hulking and awkward, following closely to ensure that the little one would not be harmed. In such a short time, Toby sure had formed an attachment to the little one. Everyone had.

She sat down and adjusted him in her lap, grabbing the bottle and putting it to his eager lips as he tried to grab at her shirt to get it out of his way, "Now that isn't going to work right now is it?" Kairi smiled and rubbed the nipple against his other cheek to distract him, "Here you go, bub." She grinned as he eagerly took it in and began to drink happily.

They sat like that for however long it takes a baby to feed, switching up sides and burping him to make it feel more natural. She knew how important it was for William to continue breastfeeding. She found it all quite educational and interesting, learning this new little human.

Once William was over her shoulder, fast asleep as she patted his back and waited for him to belch, she heard the sound of keys in her door and turned slowly, a keen smile on her face.

"So how is he?" The familiar voice echoed in her ear and it made Kairi feel just a little less alone.

"Fine!" Kairi whispered and winked, "He's just burping, Heather. I didn't know you'd be back so soon so I gave him a bottle just a minute ago."

Heather smiled and waved a dismissive hand at her sister, "No problem, Kairi, I'm just about beat and I was thinking we should be heading back to the hotel soon anyway. I want a nap before we go out to dinner." She smiled as she walked up to Kairi to take a peak at the sleeping lump in Kairi's arms.

"Oh, he's so precious Heather, I'm not sure I can let you take him back." Kairi chuckled as Adam walked through her flat's door, carrying some small bags.

"Don't you say that," Adam growled playfully, "you'd have to go through me first. I've been patiently waiting for a little man to call my own and I won't let the likes of you have him." He winked and Kairi just chuckled as she handed the fifteen pound babe back to his mother.

"I have half a mind to let you have one of them though." Heather chuckled as William stirred in her arms and she nodded to her other children who scowled at her comment. Heather rolled her eyes, "Oh I'm joking, I love you both to bits."

Danni seemed appeased while Julie gave a haughty scoff they both went back to their previous activity.

"Will we be seeing Sherlock this time?" Danni piped up after a few moments of tender silence.

Heather cleared her throat and Adam froze. Kairi felt tears stinging behind her eyes and she just chuckled, "No, not this time. He's still away on business."

Danni's face dropped and she sighed, "He's missed all our chances to play!" She sounded outright wounded, "Christmas! Thanksgiving! Did he even get you a present for those?" Kairi frantically looked over to Toby, the almost eight month old pup who was already a lumbering monstrosity of muscle and loose skin. "What about your birthday!?" Danni squealed in anger against the protesting shushes of her mother.

Kairi sighed and shrugged, keeping a smile on her face to hide the pain that was so very obvious to the adults in the room, "He's on business Danni. We can't help it. I'm sure we will see him soon, it's just hard when he's on a case. He's really quite focused. He's helping people." It was Kairi's mantra these days, all of the days since he had gone. _He's helping me._

Danni huffed, "It's still not nice to miss Christmas." She sat on the rug with a sigh and then began to rub the belly of the only present Kairi had received from her absent detective.

Kairi swallowed heavily and glanced to her sister who looked pained, "No, it isn't Danni, and he'll have a lot to make up for, wont he?" She nodded dutifully to her niece who looked sad, "Perhaps we'll have to come visit for longer on the next holiday, maybe a Christmas celebration at Disneyland?"

Julie and Danni's eyes both widened and stared at their aunt with absolute glee. Heather chuckled and Adam sighed heavily.

"Perhaps we can give your mom and dad a break and just take you kids?" Kairi chuckled, "Next time you see him though, you'll need to pester him about it." Kairi walked over to Danni and sat next to her and held her hand, "You can't let up at all, he's very stubborn."

Julie giggled, "Oh, I think we can manage!"

Kairi smiled at her nieces conspiratorially. That should punish him a bit for the last half a year of non-correspondence. Her only reassurance that Sherlock was even alive were mutters from John and a comforting, yet vague, speech about national security from Mycroft every time she asked.

"We can handle it." Danni said, reassuring her aunt by patting her hand in a most mature fashion.

Kairi just chuckled a little evilly at that. She stood after patting Toby on the gut and began packing away the necessary items for Heather and the family's trip back to the hotel.

"Are you sure it's okay for tomorrow? I don't want to feel like we're dropping the kids on you constantly." Adam asked nervously.

Kairi waved her hand at them, "I'm on break still - Christmas vacation for the kids. Mycroft wants me to have my birthday off, so it's no problem. Molly and John will be away visiting Molly's family. I'd like a day with the girls and William, maybe we can go for a walk at Regent's park." Kairi muttered with a slight tremor in her voice. She had to recreate new and happy memories there. She shook her head slowly, "That or the science museum. So, possibly bring around the stroller so we can take the tube."

Heather gave her a weary look, "Are you sure that's safe with all the kids?"

Kairi nodded, "I'll bring Toby along with his training vest, no one will bother us with him around."

Heather chuckled, looking at the giant mound, belly up and being scratched by her daughter who was giggling wildly. Adam spoke up, laughing, "No I don't think anyone would. He looks like one of those hellhounds from Ghostbusters."

Kairi laughed at that, looking at Toby, his jowls floppy as he hung upside down with the tell-tale grin of a pit bull's face. "He does, doesn't he? That might be a good halloween costume for next year. I could be Sigourney Weaver in that orange tapestry thing." She chuckled and then ran a hand through her bobbed auburn hair, "I'll have to let my hair grow out a bit and make it all curly."

Adam walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek as he took the children's bags and loaded himself up, "I think you'd make an adorable Gate Keeper."

Kairi chuckled and helped him get sorted. "Oh you..." She patted his shoulder as the girls took their backpacks and shrugged them on. "Anytime tomorrow, just give me an hour or so's notice."

Heather smiled, "Adam will be around to drop them off around eleven, just around William's nap so he wont be too crazy. I've got a spa day! We'll pick them up early afternoon." She giggled merrily.

"Oh?" Kairi sounded jealous, "What'll you be doing then Adam?"

He grinned at Kairi cheekily, "The London Dungeon!"

Kairi rolled her eyes as she scoffed playfully, "I thought that was for kids?"

He looked affronted and paused his shifting of bags for the baby, "So?"

Kairi chuckled again and helped them carry out their large amount of things. So much was required for three children that it dazzled her! A bag for each child, not to mention the cold bag for the breast milk and a play mat and car seat for little William. A cab rolled up and amidst frantic goodbyes and reorganizing, Kairi bid them farewell and promised an exciting day tomorrow. Everyone smiled and blew kisses and they were off and Kairi went back into 221 Baker Street alone.

She reached the crucial point in the house. The one that could either let her keep her sanity or cause her to crumble into a mess. She glanced up the stairs, sighing heavily and turned away with closed, wet eyes. She shivered to herself, walking back into her flat and slumping down on her couch, resting her face in her hands.

Toby, amorous as ever, waggled over to her and pushed his way between her legs, forcing his face between her hands to kiss away the tears that were leaking from her eyes. She chuckled in spite of her sadness and hugged the beast against her chest. She loved Toby greatly. He was a perfect addition to her life, a needed change that fully pulled her out of her slump.

She had spent the last year, dangerously alone and distant, slowly coming to terms with what happened with her and...

She went to therapy, took medication for a while, and let her body heal as much as it could. It took a lot of focus, a lot of determination, and a lot of compassion to allow herself to feel comfortable in her own skin. With help from Dr. Sherman and her friends, she was even daring to admit that she may even love herself a little bit. She started with discovering her passions, trying to volunteer at different places, animal shelters, nursing homes, and finally at a school, all the while working part-time for Mycroft. She ended up sticking with the school, teaching children basic computer skills and even some basic web skills in order to help them learn the proper ways to research. Some of the older children who mastered typing and search skills even got basic tutorials in web design. She worked with decent people around bright children and it warmed her heart. She loved the work Mycroft gave her, but working with children was a special challenge. She didn't want them to be susceptible, she didn't want them to feel inadequate, despite their station. She wanted to make sure that they had enough confidence to ensure their future, to keep them away from the dark reaches of this world that already grappled for their home life. Kairi needed purpose and this was the perfect one.

She hugged Toby again as his large tongue grated about the clean skin of her face and chewed on her hair. Still such a puppy despite almost weighing the same amount as her. Where Appa was tall and lithe and ominous and regal, Toby was a bit of a gruff mutt, packing muscle into an only slightly smaller package. Half of her home had been clanged and bashed about when he discovered the perfect way to wield his tail with deathly force. Yes, Kairi loved him. Lazy and happy and loving, Toby was just what she needed.

Holes were still very much present in her heart, one in the shape of her absent detective. The last she had heard from him was the box in her home with Toby inside. The world seemed to move on around them, Sherlock mysteriously absent and Kairi feeling like she was wilting away.

She felt better, she really did. She still had nightmares, curbed occasionally by sleeping pills that were prescribed by her team of doctors. She fought her depression and anxiety with exercise and at one point medication when it had gotten overwhelming. Concurrent visits with Dr. Sherman had helped her refocus and retune. She had been working hard to get better. She _wanted_ to get better. She was still angry, still very scared, but she worked and she fought. She fought for her friends, she fought for Sherlock, but most importantly, she fought for herself. She would no longer live in the darkness, fearing shadows at every step.

She stood abruptly, with Toby at her heels and stalked to the kitchen, trying to dispel her pain. The hardest part was missing Sherlock desperately. The hardest part was wanting him here, close, in her arms, kissing his lips. The painful part was knowing that even if he did show up in the next twenty minutes, there was still that terrified bit of her that had no idea what to do with him.

She busied herself in the kitchen, grabbing ingredients and flapping about. She finally pulled out her phone and put on some upbeat music, enticing her to dance around a bit and feel silly. She decided she'd make cupcakes this time; that way she could share with the girls when they came over tomorrow. She wanted tomorrow to be a happy affair and she knew the girls and baby William would help along with that.

From memory, she started in on some basic cupcakes, vanilla with strawberry frosting. She was feeling a bit courageous and decided to cut up pieces of strawberry and mix it in with the batter. She'd even puree some of the fruit to add to the frosting. She always could feel a little bit more excited and upbeat by baking something yummy to be proud of.

She laughed to herself, remembering Mycroft's almost desperate plea to stop bringing confections to work as he was trying so very hard to get fit. He was disappointed, only momentarily though, when she brought him some brownies the next day. She assured him it was a very healthy recipe, using pure cocoa powder, vegetable and fruit purees — black beans and applesauce actually — and only the finest, unsweetened peanut butter to mix in at the end for a delightful ribboned swirl. She tried not to laugh at the twinkle in Mycroft's eye when she assured him it was a healthy option for dessert and he didn't need to torture himself. Upon the first bite, which she practically forced him to take, she saw him suppress his delight. Alas, it was not enough to entice Sherlock's location out of his steel trap of a mind.

Once she finally put the doled out cupcakes in the oven, there was a knock at her door that was completely unexpected. She frowned slightly as Toby rushed the door and began sniffing at the crack, wagging his tail wildly once he recognized a scent. Kairi chuckled and walked to the door, opening it to a surprise.

"Hello love, I've brought some wine and a superhero movie." Lestrade smiled wide and Kairi grinned. "Early birthday present — there's a bunch of handsome men in this one. Though I don't see why you'd need'em with me around." He winked.

Kairi chuckled, "Come on in then." She opened the door fully and Toby gave him a playful growl.

"Watch your tongue, mutt." Lestrade shot back playfully as he walked into her flat to deposit the wine and movie on Kairi's counter. "Come over and give me a kiss then!" He said with open arms and Toby practically slithered his way over with a violently wagging tail, whapping Kairi on the thigh as he went past.

Kairi hissed and rubbed the spot, walking around her counter, "Give me twenty minutes then, until the cupcakes and frosting are done. I'll let them cool and set and we can order in."

She glanced over to Lestrade who was now on the floor with Toby sprawled back against him, belly facing out and his large head resting in the crook of Lestrade's neck as he rubbed his belly and made kissy noises. "Yeah all right," He added absentmindedly and finished his cuddling with Toby, "what do you feel like?"

Kairi pondered this as she added in confectioner's sugar and an appropriate amount of butter and began chopping strawberries to toss in her blender, "Curry?" Lestrade shot her a disinterested face, "Thai?" She added after a bit and he perked up at that and Kairi chuckled.

"I'll phone it in." He smiled and stood while Kairi reached for the menu on her fridge.

"I'll take a number four." She added and he nodded and turned to walk into her bedroom while she began mixing. Toby didn't seem to know who he wanted to be with so he just sat down, alternating between staring at Kairi's noise machine and in the direction of Lestrade perched on Kairi's bed behind glass doors.

Kairi wrapped up the finished frosting in a decorating bag and placed it in the fridge to set for a few hours. She began cleaning up a bit while the cupcakes finished baking and Lestrade made his way out of her bedroom with a smile on his face.

"Want a glass?" He motioned to the wine and she shook her head. "So how are things? Having fun with the kids?"

Kairi smiled as she rinsed out her mixing bowls and loaded them into her dishwasher, "They're lovely. A great distraction from my 'vacation'." She joked and he chuckled with her. "William is a gorgeous baby and so damn cute. I just want to eat his little face."

Lestrade chuckled, looking at her strangely, "Don't tell me you've got that itch?"

Kairi shook her head, "God no! He's adorable, but I still can barely take care of myself. I might just grow old and have a bunch of dogs and be a wretched and lonely maid, shaking my cane at pesky youths who traipse on my property."

Lestrade laughed, "Ah, you'll never be lonely."

Kairi beamed at him and he winked.

The cupcakes were cooling and their food had arrived and they ate quickly, littered with bits of conversation. Anecdotes about idiotic criminals and charming school-aged children were traded amidst laughs and meaningful glances.

Lestrade had been a constant companion of Kairi's for the last six months. As were Mycroft and John of course, and Molly was practically a daily installment, but she wanted to not be scared of men, she wanted to feel comfortable in her own skin around them. They had helped her with that, Lestrade especially.

Lestrade cleaned up their dinner and Kairi pulled out some wine glasses. They moved easily around each other like good friends were wont to do. She poured them both a hefty glass while he went over to turn the movie on. He sat back into Kairi's couch and got comfortable while she walked around to the DVD intro. She handed him his glass and he took it with a thanks and opened his arm to her.

"Would you like to?" He asked her cautiously, indicating her snuggling up in the space of his arms.

Kairi smiled, blushing just slightly, "Yes, I think that'd be nice."

She sat down and leaned into him, curling her legs to her side as she rested her head against his shoulder and chest. Kairi took a second to quell the panic in her chest, but she sunk into him and sipped her wine after a few seconds. He waited and then leaned his head against hers, kissing the top of her hair once she relaxed. She closed her eyes for a moment, smiling gently and allowing her to feel at ease in the moment. The movie began and they sat together, sipping wine and just being comfortable in each other's physical presence. The movie was fun, they laughed and gushed over actors they found attractive. Lestrade would make jokes to see Kairi smile, she'd indulge his stupid humor to make him feel better.

When the movie ended and the wine bottle was finished, Lestrade found a cab home and Kairi allowed herself some rest, curling up with Toby after shedding a few lonely tears.

Tomorrow was her birthday and it would be one whole year since her release from the hospital and Sherlock's disappearance from her life.

* * *

**_AN_**

**_HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_**

**_I've missed you all greatly. I am working on this story and hope to keep you steadily updated. I make no promises, but I'm trying to stay ahead of the curve this time so you'll have more steady updates :D_**

**_Also, credit goes to flaming-amber who gave me inspiration for the title! Also more thanks to Elianna who coined the term Kailock in the first installment! I'm hoping to see some familiar faces to chat with - you know how I adore talking to all of you, so please don't hesitate to ask questions. I refuse to spoil things, but I can clarify and discuss things as always. The cover art is a place holder right now, I'm still working on it._**

**_This is a very short first chapter, catching up a little bit since we left off at the epilogue six months ago. I'd love to hear what you think and I hope to get the next chapter to you within the week. Please leave comments, favorite/alert to stay updated :D We will have Sherlock and Kairi reunited VERY SOON :D :D_**

**_Much love my Holmies..._**


	2. Chapter 2

Kairi looked on approvingly at her cupcakes. She let them cool overnight and the strawberry buttercream frosting was a perfect consistency for decoration after some hours in the fridge. She swirled on the frosting with a shaky hand, but they ended up looking pretty good. It all looked the same once you shoved the whole thing in your mouth anyway.

She took one out and inspected it closely, she believed it was the prettiest one and so she reached into the nearby junk drawer and pulled out a singular birthday candle. She plopped it into the middle of the cupcake and gave it a satisfied nod. Placing it gently on one of her nicer ceramic plates, she sighed heavily before brushing her hands on her pants and making her way up to 221B.

The place was empty now. With Sherlock gone and John and Molly officially engaged, John had decided to work full-time and he and Molly could afford a very nice flat not too far from Baker Street - but just far enough for it to seem a hassle for _people_ to show up unexpectedly.

She let herself inside the familiar flat, since it was never locked, and tried desperately not to cry while she took in her other home. It was her birthday, she shouldn't be sad, but it was also _his_ birthday and she missed him very much. She looked around and sighed, everything looked the same: completely a mess and untouched, like some sort of sad relic of a time before. Well, except the kitchen. It took a while, and possibly a hazmat team, to discover and clean out the terrifying mess of Sherlock Holmes' experiments, but since no one would be living there and Kairi had no desire to spend extra time in 221B — especially with body parts — it all needed to be disposed of. A little smile graced her lips when she thought of how upset he would be to hear of it.

She knew he would be back, he had told her so, but a year was a long time. Who knows what could have happened? Who knows who he would be when he returned? He left changed and he could come back a completely different person. She forced herself to put the cupcake on the table next to his chair and she collapsed in it, with tears brimming in her eyes.

Her thoughts centered on how it could have affected him, how things were so drastically different and painful before he'd gone. Perhaps, while he was away, he decided that loving Kairi was too much of a hassle, too much of a hindrance for this life he led. He was practically a hero, cape and all, and she was a weakness, a blundering mess of a person.

She closed her eyes, fighting against the negative thoughts, pushing herself to focus on the fact that when Sherlock returned, even if he didn't have feelings for her, that it would not be the end. Her life did not hinge upon Sherlock Holmes and if he wanted to be properly removed from her life then she would do so with aplomb. She loved him desperately, but he would not be the end of her. Moran sure as hell wasn't and Sherlock could do no worse to her. No person ever could. She shook her head and wiped away her tears.

For the last year, she had done this on major holidays or anniversaries of importance, she'd make something for him and leave it in the now empty fridge. Today was his birthday too, so she'd leave a cupcake with a single candle. In the next week it would be gone, either by John or Mycroft or Molly or Lestrade or Ms. Hudson, it would be gone.

She always liked to pretend that it was him though.

She swore that he'd been in and out, only when she was not around, keeping his promise to give her space. She hated him for it, but she loved him as well. It was what she needed and she was grateful. The last year had been difficult enough with horrible nightmares only to be assuaged by timely hallucinations of men in long coats or the smell of cigarettes and old books wafting from a shop, she didn't need him close by throwing a wrench in her progress. She needed to get established on her own, feel okay inside her own skin, without Sherlock. What a bore it all was.

She felt better, she really did, but now she was scared of the next development. Sherlock would surely return one day and she'd have to deal with him. It wasn't about her fears of Moran being alive — she'd seen to that. It wasn't about being a killer — justly so. It wasn't about her healing from the rapes and the loss of her family and her fucking debilitating fear of anything that seemed good in her life — she'd done all right with most of that.

Now, it was about Sherlock Holmes and what he would be, who he would be in her life. Their acquaintance and relationship had barely spanned over a year before they had been quite literally thrown to the wolves and torn apart. She didn't know if what they possessed the year before would be strong enough to get through it. She didn't know if it was worth it to try to get past all of what they endured and try to be together. It wasn't about trust or love or friendship, it was about pain.

She was crying again so she gripped the small pendant around her neck, the constant reminder of Sherlock that she couldn't bear to let go. Lestrade had recovered it while searching Moran's house, after she just about had a heart attack in the hospital when she realized Moran had taken it from her. She was never without it now. It meant too much, not just a reminder that Sherlock was real, but a reminder that Moran couldn't have all of her. He was dead. That part of her life was over.

She rid her face of tears and she finally stood, grabbing the cupcake a little too aggressively and putting it in the fridge with an agitated hand. She closed the fridge door and ran from it quickly, fearing her beloved phantom would somehow materialize and chastise her for such a stupid, sentimental effort on a day that was no different from any other.

She had this, the gesture. She just needed to have this moment, a reminder he was real and that for some strange reason he wanted her.

She got back down to her flat and rushed in, not wanting to run into Mrs. Hudson who was sure to lavish her with attention and love. Kairi didn't want love at the moment, she wanted a desperate cry in the shower and a full face of baked goods with her cup of coffee. She ran into her bathroom with Toby trotting lazily behind her and flipped on the fan before she opened the small window and sat on top of her toilet, pulling a pack of cigarettes from her countertop storage and lighting one up. She tried to keep them at home, tried to limit herself most days to one in the morning with coffee and one or two at night depending on her stress level. Most of the time she did just fine, but there were always some days that were worse.

This was such kind of day.

* * *

The children arrived in a flurry of excitement. Adam, William, and the girls surprised Kairi by bringing small handmade gifts and party hats and poppers, exploding them in glee when she opened her front door (horribly upsetting the baby who was eventually calmed). Once they came in, the girls brought out their styling kits: one was a hair kit with lots of glittery clips and colored hair extensions; the other was make up, mostly consisting of body glitter, fun tasty lip glosses, and a few press on jewels and fake tattoos. They were setting up shop on Kairi's coffee table, keeping busy with the perfect layout to streamline the make-over process. Adam watched on lovingly, setting up William's things so Kairi wouldn't be bothered. She helped anyway.

"Are you sure this will be all right?" Adam chuckled as the girls circled Kairi and sang Happy Birthday, even lumpy little William squirmed, gurgled, and squealed along in his daddy's arms.

Kairi just laughed and reached out her hands, her heart lighter as fifteen pounds added to her weight by a baby in her arms, "Yes! Honestly, this is the best thing I could be doing."

Adam looked at her a little sadly, smiling only halfway before he leaned in and pecked her on the cheek, "Happy Birthday Kairi."

Kairi smiled, trying to not let herself cry at her brother-in-law's tenderness, "Thank you, Adam. Go on ahead, go traverse the dungeons."

A child-like gleam flashed behind his eyes and his mouth stretched into a wide, boyish smile, "Thanks Kairi!"

She laughed at him as he left, kissing his goodbyes before practically skipping out the door.

The girls were still circling Kairi and giggling as William bounced in her arms without full motor control, so she had to place a hand on his back to make sure he didn't flail out of her grasp.

"All right, lunch first, then makeovers?" Kairi looked down at her sweet nieces who were just positively beaming back up at her. They nodded vigorously and Kairi put together a simple lunch and gave William a bottle.

While William napped in his cot, already very accustomed to ignoring the screams of his sisters, Kairi, Danni, and Julie watched a bunch of Disney films and made each other up, set up like celebrities with stylish hair extensions and classy fake tattoos. For hours, there were tons of laughter and squeals of joy as Kairi braided hair and applied lip gloss. The girls took turns doing Kairi's hair and makeup, helping her feel like a princess on her special day. She had to admit it was the most fun she had in quite some time. Her mind was clear and she didn't feel sad at all.

They shared a few cupcakes and glasses of sparkling cider, laughing together and singing Disney tunes, dancing occasionally to music on Kairi's phone while they whipped their heads too and fro, flinging the colored extensions all around. Quite a few lengthy strips of neon ended up flying in Toby's general direction, which resulted in him scampering away in terror.

After another round of cupcakes and cider and another bottle for William, Kairi flipped on a movie for the girls who were positively exhausted. They lounged on Kairi's couch, munching on popcorn and giggling at the antics of Inspector Clouseau on-screen. William was happily under his play mat, kicking and gurgling and reaching towards hanging toys that jingled and clacked. Kairi sat at her kitchen table and picked up her phone, staring with empty eyes at random internet things, trying to find something to make her giggle. A few photos of celebrities and fan drawings of some of her favorite characters at least put a small smile on her face, but the emptiness was slowly creeping in.

The time was wearing down to when Heather said she'd be coming to get the girls and William. Perhaps she'd call Lestrade and see if he'd want to go out drinking and maybe dancing with her. He'd keep her from feeling miserable, he'd keep her from getting outrageously drunk, and most importantly, he'd dance with her after a few drinks and some subtle coercion. It'd been a long, long time since she'd been out of control on a night out, she had refocused and been able to keep her addictions from getting the better of her. She allowed herself a few nights of frivolity when it would work out, but otherwise kept the drinking and smoking to a minimum.

There was a knock at her door and she stood up, reading a comic on her phone that was successfully making her chuckle. Heather would be very excited to tell her all about how relaxing her day had been. Kairi thought Heather could be so strange sometimes, but it had to happen — they did share some of their genes.

She opened the door chuckling, "Hey." She said without looking up, "The girls are just -,"

Someone cleared their throat.

It wasn't a woman.

Kairi looked up. Everything inside of her instantly vaporized, she was left empty and needing as she stared at the sight in front of her.

Sherlock Holmes was standing in her doorway, looking sheepish for only a second before he straightened and his face became impassive.

She took him in completely, while she had a minor aneurysm. His hair was shorter, cropped on the sides with longer curls on top that seemed to droop down his forehead as was his style. His skin was slightly tanned, rich in color and looking healthy for once. He didn't seem to be missing any teeth or eyelids or nostrils, his face was clean-shaven and still just as handsome as the day he left. He had all of his limbs, at least that she could tell since he was in his signature suit, gloves, and coat, a deep blue scarf around his neck.

Kairi finally remembered to breathe. She looked down and he was holding a single cupcake in his hand. She glanced back up to his eyes and if it were anyone else gazing at him, they would have missed the almost imperceptible smile that ticked across his lips.

"I'm inclined to impose upon you one favor. Perhaps we could eat them toge-,"

Sherlock never got to finish his statement as Kairi flung herself at him. Her mouth connected with his in desperation as her arms flew around his neck. In a very small and totally ignored part of her logical brain, she realized how different he felt against her. He seemed broader as her arms grasped him close. Her bare feet seemed spastic as they sort of climbed their way up his legs so she could wrap her legs around his waist. It took him a good half a second to respond, but he did so ardently. His mouth was like fire against hers and his arms crushed her as he slammed her back against the door. They keened against one another, forgetting to breathe, focusing on nothing but their bodies finally interlocking, despite the despicable clothes between them. The cupcake had fallen to the floor, forgotten, where Toby consumed it with almost equal fervor.

Someone else cleared their throat.

Kairi stopped kissing Sherlock instantly and she felt his lips halt against hers. Her eyes shot open and her heart seemed vacant from her chest, their mouths parting at the absolute last moment as they turned their heads to see Julie kneeling on the couch, smiling wide, and Danni standing by the arm rest, her arms crossed and her foot tapping in an obvious state of disappointment.

Kairi cleared her throat, looking back to Sherlock momentarily as they disengaged. He placed her back on the ground and they stepped apart, adjusting their hair and clothes to appear respectable, as if their parents had just caught them snogging in the backseat of some car. They looked everywhere but at Danni and Julie and each other, trying to come to terms with what they just let happen.

Danni uncrossed her arms as she stomped up to Sherlock and stood right at his feet, glaring up at him with utmost vehemence. She pointed a finger right in his face, or as close as she could get, and actually growled at him, "You have a lot of explaining to do mister!"

Sherlock stared down at her incredulously and as he opened his mouth to reply, she turned sharply, wild colors fanning about in her hair and tattoos of hearts and stars on her arms sparkling as she walked back over to the couch and sat down with arms crossed, looking quite upset. Julie was still just grinning maniacally, sighing dreamily as she looked at both Sherlock and Kairi.

Sherlock's mind was absolutely buzzing, his entire body seemed electrified and he could feel the same coming from Kairi in wild waves. He turned to excuse himself, as she was obviously busy, until he heard a baby cry.

"Oh shit!" Kairi muttered and ran over around the couch, leaving Sherlock stunned.

"Auntie!" Julie hissed.

"Sorry!" Kairi managed to squeak out as she reached for William with shaky hands and brought him to her chest, cradling him gently and bouncing him as she hummed for him. She took a chance to glance back over at Sherlock who seemed frozen in time, with shock plain on his features.

"Is that ou-?" He stumbled forward just slightly and managed to get that out before he had to swallow. He felt like something was choking him as he stared at Kairi, clutching a dark-haired infant with wild wisps unfurling on the crown of its head. He tried to do the mental math, but he was left with a void inside of his mind palace, his only focus on the woman before him holding a baby.

Kairi's eyes widened, absolutely horrified, "H-he's Heather's!" She stammered out a little more shrilly than she intended. She turned away from Sherlock, not desiring to see his reaction to that statement.

When Kairi turned away, Sherlock managed to breathe, a sense of relief and a brief pinch of loss stung in the back of his mind and he exhaled a little too ragged for his own liking, "Oh." It was all he could manage. Again he was in a situation, believing his return would be automatically welcomed and thought humorous. He stared down at his boots, clearing his throat and ignoring the poignant non-look of Danni, and Julie's gleaming eyes pointing in his direction. He wanted to look back up at Kairi, but watching her standing there, holding a child, that for a second, he believed could have been...

"Hello!" Heather said cheerily as she walked through the door, "Oh fuck!" She screamed upon seeing Sherlock.

Sherlock turned, flinching slightly against her shrill shout. He met Heather's eyes, watering and pained as she stared at him. He glanced back at Kairi, who had turned upon her sister's entrance. All of their eyes seemed to be frantically flashing back and forth. No one knew where to look, unsure of what to say, so they just glanced at each other, looking away when eyes accidentally met, and remaining in silence.

"Mooooooom!" Julie groaned, "You dropped an f-bomb in front of William!"

Heather shot her daughter a dark look, "Get your things now!" She practically shouted and the girls hopped to their feet and began collecting their items.

"No." Sherlock rose a hand, finally finding his voice. He looked to Kairi who was still rather far away, holding the small infant against her. She looked so unsure and it was beginning to pain him, "I should be going." He nodded to Heather and her daughters with a tight, forced smile. He walked over to Kairi and stood just a foot away, feeling as if he stepped any further she may just wisp away like smoke between his fingers, "I'll need to debrief with Mycroft. I'll be home tonight and if you are willing, we can talk then."

Kairi could only nod, not bearing to look at him.

Sherlock returned the gesture and turned sharply, leaving the room in haste as if the only evidence of his presence were the whipping of his coat tails as he left the room.

He continued outside and shut the door to 221 Baker Street with more force than necessary. He got to the curb and chewed absent-mindedly on the thumb of his glove as he waved a cab down. Once inside, he instructed the cabbie towards the general vicinity of Mycroft's office and then lost himself inside of his racing thoughts.

"DAMN!" He snarled and lashed out at the door, hitting it with such force the whole cab seemed to shake.

"Oi!" The cabbie growled and looked back at Sherlock who shot him a very ominous glare as he seethed in the backseat. The cabbie's eyes went wide with shock and he adjusted himself slowly, "As you were." He muttered and ignored Sherlock completely.

Sherlock turned inwards again and tried to calm himself. The absolute pure rush of seeing Kairi, standing there within his reach, had caused his entire being to jolt back to life. After the last year, six months on one banal case, actually being a part of the dull "court process" and putting together information for prosecution with barristers and solicitors hounding him for advice, he'd found himself unbearably bored. He'd wanted to jab numerous sharp objects into his ears until his ear drums burst and he was no longer faced with their insipid babble. The second six months spent in a danker sort of litigation that involved no crown recognized court and involved a lot more hands on experience than Sherlock usually tended towards.

He tried to shake loose the thoughts that plagued him. It was done and over. His cases were cleared and he was sure that all of Moriarty's cohorts were successfully behind bars or dead. He wiped a hand down his face, pulling it back up across the slack skin to push curls out of his vision in the way it had become habit. He closed his eyes and finally remembered to breathe.

He focused on Kairi, on how she looked when he returned. Her hair cut short, just tickling against her jaw bones in a sharp bob, and colored a dark russet shade that contrasted with her absolutely flawless pale skin. He took in a sharp breath, fighting against the fierce desire that curled in his gut, remembering just how quickly she had climbed his body to wrap herself around him, just how she had tasted against his mouth, which had seemed deathly parched until her tongue had slid across his lips. He had to bite his own cheek in order to clear his mind once he remembered how it felt to hold her against the door, with her ankles locked at his lower back and her hips curving against him, his hips responding in kind, completely of their own volition. He hissed in distaste, utter hatred for his actions in that moment, not being able to control himself in that mindless splinter of unhindered passion.

He leaned his head against the cool glass, trying to push the heat from his body and his mind before it could consume him and he'd be driven to return to Baker Street and take her completely like he had dreamt of for the past year. It was a dangerous burning inside of him, one that he hoped to quash. He needed to tread lightly in this instance. The woman he had left one year ago was no longer the woman that he had seen only a few moments before.

"Here." The cabby seemed to squeak.

Sherlock glared at him and tossed him some cash, slamming the cab door and stalking down the street with purposeful strides that had people dashing out of his way and calling out curses.

When he finally reached Mycroft's office, he let himself in without preamble and took measured steps to reach the front of his brother's desk, refusing to sit.

"Make it quick, _brother-mine_." Sherlock spat with disdain.

Mycroft sat, reading his paper, refusing to deign Sherlock with a mere glance. He sighed, "Dear brother, you've gone through a debrief of the official capacity. It was my intent to do so with you in an unofficial manner." He folded his paper with deliberate movements which had Sherlock twitching his fingers in annoyance. "I assume your detox went well?"

Sherlock scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Narcotics have very little effect on me Mycroft. You understood the risk of sending me there in that capacity."

Mycroft placed the paper down, still refusing to grace Sherlock with his stare. He still smiled slightly, "Good to hear brother." He chuckled, "I would be most upset if you'd come back some druggie lowlife — what a disappointment that would be for all of us. Much too _important_," Mycroft laced the word with as much sarcasm as he could muster in a proper way, "- for the world to lose their most precious asse-," Mycroft finally looked up and his almost gleeful sneer was replaced with a mask of abhorrence, "My god, what is all over your face?!"

"What?" Sherlock growled in utter annoyance.

* * *

Sherlock was gone.

He was gone.

_Again._

Kairi didn't realize she was gripping the back of William's onesie until Heather walked up to her slowly and unfurled her tight fingers. She gasped in a breath and looked back to Heather who was obviously concerned.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't hurt him, did I?" Kairi's voice was shaking as she handed over William.

Heather shook her head and smiled at her sister, "No he's fine, you didn't hurt him."

Kairi breathed a sigh, her muscles finally unfurling from the tension she felt. She then crumbled slowly to her knees and onto her backside in a huff as her heart hammered away at her ribcage.

Heather clicked her tongue at her daughters, "Grab his mat, you'll be playing in Auntie Kairi's room with William."

"Mom!" Julie whined.

Heather gave her a stern look, "Absolutely not, you will take care of your siblings and let me talk to my sister in privacy."

Julie sort of slumped and grabbed William's mat and Danni's hand and followed her mother into Kairi's bedroom. Heather shut the door and walked back over to where Kairi sat heaped on the floor, to help her stand and make her way over to her kitchen table to pull out a chair.

Kairi slumped in the seat, placing her elbows on the table top and putting her face into her hands, all the while trying to remember how to breathe. Her mind was racing and empty at the same time, she couldn't formulate a cogent thought that didn't revolve around one simple phrase: _he's come back._

When her mind stopped spinning, she looked up at her sister who sat at the table with two tumblers and a bottle of Kairi's favorite whiskey.

"I can't drink, he's coming back!" Kairi said frantically.

Heather chuckled, "First of all, he wont be back for ages, until he knows for sure we're gone. Second, you need to calm the hell down before you have a full-blown panic attack." She poured two fingers of whiskey into each glass and sat down next to her sister, "Third, what in God's name is all over your face?"

Kairi's eyes shot open wide and she leaped up, running towards her entry way to look in the small mirror. She let out a woeful groan and thumped her head against the wall. When she pulled back there was a patch of pigment and glitter where her face had collided with the surface.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Each one escalated until the last came out in a scream and she punched the wall, instantly regretting it as she pulled her hand into her stomach and held her breath against the pain. "FRICK!" She shouted and stomped her foot.

Kairi turned slowly and her eyes rested on Heather who was sipping her whiskey and trying not to laugh.

"Don't laugh at me! Stop laughing at me!" Kairi spat, absolutely livid as she stomped back over to the table and threw back the whiskey in one gulp. With a groan she sat down hard on her chair, ignoring the burning in her chest, "I look like a Ke$ha video threw up on me." She let out a pitiful whine, "I haven't seen him in a year and he comes back on my birthday and I look like someone tarred and feathered me with purple and green spackle and glitter! I look like a tart! A crazy fucking tart!" Kairi sighed heavily and with a dramatic groan, her forehead collided with her table top, "How is this my life!?" She yelled against the wood.

Heather didn't stop her laughs this time, "I don't know." She shook her head and then reached out to rub the back of Kairi's head, patterned with long lengths of neon colored fake hair peaking from her brown locks. "I hope he didn't have anyplace important to go." She managed to snigger.

Kairi shot up and looked up at Heather in horror, "Oh my god, I couldn't even look at him, I was sure I was hallucinating it all." Kairi put her face in her hands again.

"He looked like he made out with a craft store." Heather began laughing, clamping a hand over her mouth and Kairi just groaned in response.

"Oh my god, this can't be happening. This isn't real life. Things like this don't happen in real life." Kairi muttered to herself and then pushed her empty tumbler towards her sister. "Please let me have one more and then hide it. I want to crawl inside and hide, but I can't be tanked when he comes back."

Heather chuckled and poured her a slightly more generous cup and Kairi sipped it this time with her eyes shut tightly. She listened as Heather made a bunch of obnoxious noises, opening and closing random doors, humming pointedly as she hid the bottle of whiskey from her sister. "Ok, hidden." She said sitting down and sipping her drink. "What are you going to do?"

Kairi shook her head, feeling giddy and sick all at the same time, "I'm going to shower and smoke a thousand fucking cigarettes."

Heather snorted, "Just don't do it at the same time."

Kairi chuckled slightly, "God damnit, was it really all over him?"

Heather nodded.

"Shit." Kairi hissed, "He's going to talk to my boss, his _brother_. What a fucking nightmare!"

Heather just continued chuckling, "I'm really sorry I'm laughing so much. It's either this or crying."

Kairi snorted at that and looked at her sister, "God, this is actually happening."

Heather nodded, "Yes it is. Are you ready for it?" She reached out a hand and took Kairi's free one.

Kairi looked concerned, "I don't know. I honestly don't. When I saw him, I just -," And she froze, looking back to her bedroom where her nieces were playing, "Fuck, I'm so sorry! I practically attacked him in front of the girls!" She felt like she was going to cry and if she started, she may never stop, "Oh god!"

Heather just laughed it off, "In all honesty, as long as clothes weren't shed, I'm not going to be mad. This is a circumstance no one could have possibly predicted and I'll talk with them about it. Just try not to climb him like a stripper pole the next time he comes over if the girls are present."

Kairi shook her head again, as if it would rid her of the shame and the absolute glee pulsing through her, "How could you possibly know I jumped on him?"

Heather laughed, "When I say he looked like he made out with a craft store, I should have also implied some heavy petting and dry humping in there. Glitter was _everywhere_."

Kairi couldn't hold in the laughter this time and it just burst out, taking tension and horror and happiness with it, "Nomygod!" She squealed and put a hand over her mouth trying to contain the hysteria she felt. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

Heather laughed and tossed back the remainder of her whiskey, "God, that's sick." She stared at the offending empty glass and looked back at Kairi who was now thoughtfully staring down into her tumbler, swirling the amber liquid. "You need to do some thinking and some breathing. Maybe you should call someone to talk to?"

Kairi shook her head anxiously, "I can try Dr. Sherman, but we haven't reached the topic of Sherlock yet. We've been working through my mountain of shit and it's just never come up." She felt a bit dizzy, she really needed to stop shaking her head.

Heather smiled, "Kairi, I don't think you could ever be prepared for him to come back, but he's here."

Kairi nodded, "I know." She sighed, "God, I know."

Heather sighed as well and patted her sister on the hand, "It will be okay. You both just need to find each other again."

Kairi felt like the dam was breaking, like her heart was flooding, she couldn't breathe. All of the things she needed to tell him, to talk to him about, all of it was overwhelming her, blacking out her vision until it was mere pinpoints.

"Kairi, breathe." Heather stood and approached her sister and held Kairi's face in her hands, "Just breathe. You needed to heal. You needed space. He knew that, so he left. He left for you and he probably left for himself too. Remember these things. What you went through, that's all over, it's dead and burned and buried." Heather's voice was stern as she searched her sister's lost eyes, "Do you love him?"

Kairi nodded, "So much it hurts." She whispered.

"Let it hurt, it's going to. Loving him won't be a bad thing, Kairi," Heather smiled reassuringly when she saw her sister's face begin to crumble under the weight of her tears, "Loving him is not going to end you, but if you hide from it, if you run away without giving it a chance, it will tear at you, it will eat you alive." She kissed Kairi on the forehead, "Kairi don't run from this, for once in your life, don't run."

Kairi finally sobbed and Heather pulled her tightly against her chest and held her. Kairi felt herself dissolving in this moment, her bones became liquid and her insides turned to fire. Atoms were warring against each other, screaming for her to run away and begging her not to leave.

She was terrified, absolutely, stone cold terrified of finally letting herself really love Sherlock Holmes. At this point in her life, she had nothing inside of her strong enough to be a barrier anymore. She had fought for the past year towards healing, towards pulling down all these walls meant to protect her. She had come so far across the torrid wasteland of her soul, to a point where she stood among the smoldering ashes of her insides and stared at this barren place, ready for rebuilding.

She was raw and new and absolutely terrified of happiness.

"Kairi..." Heather murmured sweetly and kissed the top of her sister's head, "I love you. God..." She whispered against her sister's hair, "Just please, let yourself be loved."

Kairi shook against her sister and began to steady her breathing. She tried to bring herself back into this real world where she was covered in glitter and fake tattoos. She almost let herself laugh but it came out as more of a wretched sort of sob, so she swallowed it and went back to just breathing. She pulled away from her sister slowly, who looked down at her lovingly and just smiled.

She glanced at Heather's now damp and probably ruined shirt, "Oh Jesus, Adam's gonna think you went to the strip club before picking up the kids."

Heather just laughed, "That's fine." She smoothed her sister's hair away from her face and just smiled, "It'll be okay."

Kairi nodded and hugged her sister one last time. "Let me get you a different shirt." She managed to chuckle.

They walked over to Kairi's bedroom and joined the children who ignored Kairi's mess of a face that they had worked so hard on. They didn't know what happened, but they knew that their auntie was hurting. They knew Kairi's state wasn't _because_ of Sherlock, but they knew it had something to do with him. Danni was, of course, a little more impetuous, riled at Sherlock because she just knew that merely saying his name made her auntie sad. Julie, who was a little more imaginative and could recite a lot of Disney movies and musicals about forlorn love by heart, knew that her auntie was hurting. She assumed that Kairi and Sherlock probably needed a few good musical numbers before they would be okay and love would save the day.

They exchanged some clothing and the girls helped Kairi get the hair additions out while Heather fed William, who was still in high spirits. Danni and Julie helped their mother pack up their bags and clean up Kairi's flat to a state of previous disorder. Once they contained the damage of Hurricane Children, Heather was making her excuses to leave.

Danni hugged her auntie, "Tell him no amount of sorries will get him out of trouble." Kairi chuckled and patted Danni on the back, "Don't let him back out of Disneyland or else he'll have to deal with me." She muttered into her aunt's stomach and Kairi bit her lip to contain her laughter.

"It will be okay Danni. We both have things to apologize for." Kairi smiled and kissed Danni on the cheek before she moved and made room for Julie.

"Everything is going to be okay, wont it?" Julie muttered with her arms around Kairi's neck when she knelt to meet the child's embrace.

Kairi nodded and kissed Julie's cheek, "Everything will be fine. Sometimes we just go through hard things and it takes time to heal."

Julie nodded and then pulled back to glance at her mother who was busying herself with organizing their items. She turned back to Kairi and shoved something into her hands, "Put it in your pocket, look at it after we go." She whispered and kissed her auntie on the cheek. Kairi just nodded, a bit confused.

Kairi hastily followed orders and then walked the family out the curb, giving a few last-minute kisses as they loaded up the cab. Kairi wrapped her arms around herself, shivering slightly in the evening air, so she turned quickly and went back into her home where Toby was fast asleep next to the fireplace. She rolled her eyes at the absurd laziness of that animal and then made her way into her bathroom with her glass of whiskey to grab her cigarettes and the lighter Sherlock had gotten her what seemed like a lifetime ago.

She went to the steps of Baker Street and lit up her first of, what felt like would be many, cigarettes as she sipped her whiskey. She tried not to think too much as she didn't want to put any assumptions on how the night would unfold. She didn't want to have expectations to be crushed, but she also refused to shroud herself in self-doubt and negativity. She was just trying to let herself feel happy that Sherlock was finally home and she would ultimately be able to figure out this gigantic hole in her life.

Three cigarettes and a scratchy throat later, she finished her glass of whiskey and made her way back into her home where Toby was still asleep. She scoffed and then heard his tail thumping against the wooden floor and it made her laugh while she walked into her bedroom to undress and get her shower started. She felt something jumble in her pocket and remembered Julie hastily shoving something into her hands, she pulled it out to investigate what had made her niece so secretive. In her hands was a small tube with a hastily written note wrapped around it.

In the scrawl of a young child, she read, _You should keep it, I think he liked it._

It was a tube of lip gloss from their make up kit, strawberry-melon flavored. Kairi couldn't hold in her laughter and she crumpled to the floor in a fit of giggles, letting her hysteria seep out. When she could steadily stand, she placed the lip gloss on her night table and went to shower.

She stayed in the spray for at least thirty minutes and scrubbed herself raw, ridding herself of most of the odious glitter that clung to her skin and the tattoos that were brand new only a few hours before. She shaved and cleaned up, not expecting anything special tonight, but doing so out of habit — actually, she would out right refuse any hint at something sexual happening tonight, she wasn't ready for that. She was desperate for it, but she wasn't ready for it. She knew that.

When she emerged from her shower, wrapped in a heavy robe and a towel perched on her head, she felt much better. Most of her anxiety was gone and replaced by a very gentle buzz from the nicotine and alcohol combating each other for dominance in her addled system. She brushed her teeth and blow dried her hair halfway, letting the remainder dry in its natural waves that tickled the bottom of her jaw. She sighed heavily, looking at her make up bag and resigning to put it away.

She would listen to Heather, she would not hide. Not from him.

She went to her room and disrobed, looking into her closet for something acceptable to wear. He would of course be in his full suit, dressed impeccably. She was never very well versed in matching his level of fanciness so she just decided on a simple dress made of a thick jersey cotton with long, comfortable sleeves and a drooping neckline. The last thing she needed was to feel like she was being choked by her own clothes.

However, she needed very good reasons to fight getting undressed. She glanced back at her closet and wondered if she should wear the mother of all chastity belts, her button fly jeans. She could barely persuade herself to unbutton them to go to the bathroom, surely they would hinder her enough to deny herself sex. She frowned in their direction, knowing that Sherlock would probably make a deduction of her desperation and laugh at her, so she elected to ignore that idea. She'd wear the dress and some leggings. It would be subtle enough, but not over doing it. She would be comfortable, but covered enough to remain pleasant if a fire was lit. A hasty thought made her glance at her night stand and she reached for the tube of gloss and rolled it on, trying not to giggle.

She sighed heavily and glanced at her clock. Sherlock would be back by now. He probably would have returned while Kairi was in the shower. He would wait for her. He always said he would.

She slipped on some moccasins and called after Toby who rose from his slumber with the most ungainly sort of hectic movements that she giggled outright. When she opened her door, her breath caught in her chest when she heard the violin music cascading down the stair case.

How many nights had she dreamt of that music?

The song was somber and slow and it tore at her heart as she climbed the stairs with unsteady limbs, gripping the balustrade for dear life. As she took on the last few steps she had to close her eyes and force herself to breathe.

He was real.

He was here.

Sherlock. _Home_.

She took another step and the boards creaked beneath her and she grimaced as the music stopped for only a beat and she paused as well, not knowing what to do. When the music continued, she exhaled the breath she was inadvertently holding in and climbed the final ascent.

Her hand was on the doorknob and she tried to calm her shaking limbs as she turned it slowly and pushed the door open.

She froze, her breath catching in her chest as she stared at his back. He was bigger now, though the last time she had seen him was in the throes of her case, and he never did look well during a tenuous case. He was thinner then, yet still his wiry, coiled self, but now, he seemed to fill up the room further, arms thicker and shoulders more pronounced. The lithe cat that had left her had returned a panther, all black and sleek and predatory, silhouetted by the light of the streets filtering in as the glow from the fireplace licked at the back of his black suit.

She sighed, trying not to laugh or cry or scream at him.

"Mr. Holmes." She said softly, a smile on her lips that she didn't dare fight. He paused his playing, taking deliberate time to place his instrument where it belonged. In all honesty, it felt as if he never left. The home that seemed so empty and lifeless during his absence appeared full of life, resurrected by the mere presence of the man before her.

He turned to face her, short curls falling across his forehead. She saw him and she could tell, she could still read him, he was trying so hard to be contained.

A small smile toyed with his lips, he was trying to fight it off it seemed, as he looked up at her finally and said in the deep tone Kairi fantasized about, "Ms. Aria."

* * *

**_AN_**

**_SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_**

**_*sings* reunited and it feeeeeels so gooooooooood..._**

**_What did you think my beloveds?! We obviously have much more coming in the next chapter, a full course of 7,000 or so words to eat up and I promise it'll be interesting... _**

**_I'll say it now, I'm taking Sherlock into a realm that is widely unknown, so going OOC might happen, but I'm VERY MUCH TRYING to keep him in the frame of what I see as SHERLOCK HOLMES (and anyone who has spoken to me knows just how seriously I take it). The fact that he's romantically involved with someone in the first place is a weighty and unlikely thing to deal with, but with what him and Kairi went through on top of it...WOOOOOSH, that's a lot for any character and I truly hope to portray them both well through this ordeal. THERE IS A LOT THAT WILL BE HAPPENING BECAUSE LIFE IS COMPLICATED AND EMOTIONS ARE HARD...So before you decide you hate me or my characters or whatever, give them a chance to go through what they've been going through with each other... This will be another long-ish story (though I doubt it'll last 40+ chapters like the last one...unless you want it to?) and they have much to go through... A year apart is a LONG TIME - especially for someone dealing with trauma._**

**_Please let me know what you are thinking!_**

**_ALSO: I'd like to know when the best time for posting is for my readers. I have plans for one per weekend and if I finish the story early I might speed it up (but I'm not that far ahead so don't get your hopes up yet). Do weekends work ok for all of you?_**

**_I love you my dear Holmies, I hope this is up to par so far :D (that rhymed, ignore me...)_**


	3. Chapter 3

"Ms. Aria."

His voice was just as smooth as it had ever been, all silk and sin that caressed her senses. She had missed this, this odd aura that surrounded him, laced with pleasure and mischief and child-like wonder. Toby waggled himself through the door behind Kairi and made his way over to Sherlock with bounding steps.

She saw Sherlock smile then, kneeling to pet Toby and rub his fingers along the dog's jowls and scratch behind his ears. It hurt Kairi to see him be so affectionate towards Toby when he had always given Appa such a cold reception. She was frowning when Sherlock looked back up at her with a wide grin on his face. The grin was beautiful and unfiltered, a rare one she had been lucky to see only a few times during their previous encounters. Though today, it stung her.

He noticed her frown quickly and stood, clearing his throat and straightening to a more regal posture while Toby trotted away to sniff around the flat. Kairi was slightly irritated at him now, and then she was upset with the fact that after an entire year of them being apart, of so many nights wishing she'd wake up to him, she was pissed at him over a dog — even if the dog had been her very best friend. It seemed childish, but she couldn't help it. Everything in this moment was raw and confusing. She didn't know how to rein it all in and process it.

He cleared his throat again and motioned towards the chairs, John's red patterned and Sherlock's black leather still facing one another just outside the fire's glow. "Please..." He left his invitation unfinished, looking terribly uncomfortable.

Kairi nodded and sat in John's chair, hugging the Union Jack pillow as she got situated, with her legs bunched beneath her. It was a defensive posture that Sherlock was sure to notice and comment on. She watched him carefully as he moved through his steps with perfection and grace. He moved like a specter, flowing, yet deliberate, always with purpose and delight.

He sat in his usual manner, his back rigid and his face emotionless as he looked at her. They stayed in silence for a few moments, Kairi refusing to hide her frown and Sherlock desperately trying to maintain control of the situation in his stoic way. A full year apart had left them both so very unsure. Interactions usually filled with stubborn, fiery, and impassioned actions now seemed too foreign. It felt like a lifetime since they were both in front of one another. Since their parting, they had each become a fantastical obsession to the other; something that you wanted so badly, despite the fact that if you got your hands on it, you'd have no idea what to do with it. This moment could never be so perfectly described as two children faced with their wildest dreams and staring back in utter vacillation.

After a few minutes of tense silence, Sherlock finally sighed, "I know you are upset about Toby."

Kairi raised an eyebrow at him and replied, a little bit snitty, "Do you?"

He shot her a dark look, because of her tone, but responded anyway, "You're upset with me because I showed the animal affection, despite how cold I was to your previous pet." Kairi glared at him and he tried not to smile. The familiar crinkle of her nose and the narrowing of her eyes, her body curled around a cushion like a child having a fit. Just looking at her brought back memories that he'd displaced many months ago. Like most everyone he met, her anger was amusing, but to him, he felt it oddly resonate in his chest. He thought it was _endearing_.

He shook his head, refocusing on the fact that she was actually cross with him and deduced her easily, like always, "It is not that I disliked Appa. He was a decent and well-mannered beast, far more likable than any other creature I've come to know since childhood. I refrained from forming an attachment to him because that is what I do." He leveled her with a narrowed stare that seemed to make Kairi cringe inwardly, he sighed at his own impudence and continued, "It is not in my nature to attach myself to meaningless things: people, items, and pets." He waved his hand at the aforementioned, watching as Kairi seemed to stiffen again, anger no doubt bubbling because of the implication of Appa being meaningless, "However," He added with a weighty voice, "Much has changed within the last ten or so years of my life and I've come to regret that I was not as _friendly_ to an animal who was so clearly deserving of your adoration."

Kairi blinked at him several times and tried to process just what he was implying. "I don't-," Kairi began, but the words wouldn't really formulate. She felt like everything was moving in slow motion, like her mind was sunk in a puddle of syrup. She was still just gushing over the fact that Sherlock was sitting in front of her, staring at her, talking about pets, and she wasn't completely imagining it.

Sherlock rolled his eyes at her slowness, "Upon the death of Appa, among other things, I decided to reform myself in some aspects. I regret it now, not showing him the appropriate amount of sentiment that he deserved. You obviously hold a great deal of meaning for your animals. I've come to understand I should be more respectful of what certain people deem important. In the end-," he cleared his throat, "-he died for you..." Sherlock left off the last part of the statement, the one that echoed in his mind, _As I would have. _

This divulgence, no matter how true, still struck him deeply. He was not a man of half measures and when he deliberately decided to place meaning upon a person, it was to its fullest extent. John, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, all of them had taken up residence in his mind palace for their particular importance. Now there was Kairi, struggling for purchase in his thoughts, fighting off the last year's worth of effort to shut her out.

Kairi's eyes widened again and she took in a deep breath, "Oh." She managed. She took a moment to stare at the fire and let herself uncoil from her tense position. She tried to relax the arms and legs that were held tightly against her body. She leaned on the arm rest as she watched the flames dance inside the stone hearth, allowing her mind to wander. So much was going unsaid, so many things that she didn't know or understand. All of her fears were viciously prattling in her mind. With another exhale, she looked over to Sherlock who was still sitting, still unmoving, and staring right at her.

She let out a little nervous laugh, watching his eyes flick over her, taking in every centimeter, "I see you showered." She nodded towards him, indicating that the glitter and pigment from her nieces' make up was now gone.

Sherlock grinned slightly, "Yes, I didn't realize that you would have been done up in such a manner. I failed to recognize that you may have been with company when I formulated my plan to surprise you."

Kairi smiled, "Well, surprise me you did. That's for sure." She finished with a rueful laugh. "I'm sorry about, you know, erm, jumping you."

Sherlock let out a tiny chuckle, "No matter." He grinned as he sat forward, watching her annoyance for that phrase taint her features, "Yes, I suppose I should apologize or something as well."

Kairi replied with her own giggle, "Yeah, or something." She rolled her eyes at him and then looked back to his face. It was softer now and he seemed relaxed. Teasing each other was always something they could fall back on if intimacy was displaced. They could always rile a response out of one another, prodding each other until one of them finally broke through the stubbornness. After a few beats of silence and staring at one another in a challenging way, Kairi realized that she needed to be the one to reach out. There was so much vulnerability that they were ignoring. He had left for her sake and he wouldn't truly return, not the emotional part, until she took the first step.

She sighed heavily and sat back, admitting defeat, resigning to fate, "I missed you." She admitted in an almost bitter whisper.

Sherlock nodded slowly, his brow creasing as he looked away from her. After a few tortuous beats of silence, he finally replied, "And I, you." He said with a soft and serious voice, gazing at the fire. "It was unfortunate that in my time away, I was forced to place you out of my mind in order to focus." His eyes were still centered on the flames, reflecting the turbulent thoughts that plagued his mind.

She smiled at that. To him, her being a distraction was a compliment, "Did it work?"

He returned his glare to her, with eyes darkened in a serious air of annoyance and something else, "Hardly." He growled, a tone low and sensuous despite the annoyance on his face. He then cleared his throat, shifting in his seat to appear more flippant.

Kairi blushed wildly, the tone sending a spike through her system that pulled her back into a time before Moran, before Sherlock's absence, when sex with him was something she felt could sustain her indefinitely. She managed a weak chuckle, trying to dispel tension as she put her feet to the floor and sat up straight with Sherlock's eyes still on her.

She smiled tenderly at him, "So your work, did it go well?"

He chuckled at her meager attempts at small talk, "Yes, it went fine. It was a case of diplomatic importance. Not greatly stimulating, if I must admit." His voice reflected his earnest boredom for the matter.

"So it _was_ a punishment." Kairi joked.

Sherlock seemed to take in a deep breath, "In a way, yes, it was."

She looked at him sadly then, "That's not what I wanted. I didn't want to punish you. You did nothing wrong."

Sherlock nodded in response, pressing steepled fingers to his lips as he closed his eyes, absorbing her voice and letting it echo in his mind. "Yes, I understand. You needed space and time that I could not give you if I were here." His eyes remained closed, "You don't need to regret that decision. I had certain...needs in the end that this case helped manage."

The guilt Kairi was feeling suddenly dissipated. She looked at him oddly now, cocking her head to the side and then becoming distracted when Toby shuffled into the room and plopped down in front of the fireplace with a dramatic huff.

Sherlock opened his eyes and focused on the animal shuffling about, trying to get comfortable on the floor. He spoke up again, bringing her back into the moment, "Has he been satisfactory?"

Kairi smiled wryly, "Yes, but you're not getting out of that so easily. What _needs_ are you talking about?"

Sherlock sighed and dropped his arms to the sides of his chair, crossing his legs delicately and glaring at Kairi, "Perceptive." He reproached her.

She smiled in her bright way and touched her nose on the side with a single finger and Sherlock couldn't fight the smirk that appeared on his lips.

"I discussed these things with Dr. Sherman." Sherlock exhaled, "Did he not discuss them with you?"

Kairi's eyes widened, "No! I never asked him about you." She added nervously, twirling a strand of her short hair between her fingers, "I figured, eventually, if you wanted to..." She let the statement trail off while she thought, "Wait! Does that mean...?"

Sherlock chuckled and shook his head, "No, he did not disclose information about you to me." He grumbled, "Despite my best efforts."

Kairi rose an eyebrow again, "You were spying on me."

He trained his grin back on her, a sparkle in his eyes caused by the firelight that made him look utterly mischievous and delectable, "No more than you spied on me." He tried not to smile, patronizing her, "Bribing Mycroft with sweets, now?"

Kairi huffed at his tone and glared at him, "You were God knows where, I just wanted to know if you were alive!"

He raised his hands gently, as if to showcase himself and gave her a coy grin, "As you can see, I am."

Kairi rolled her eyes and stood, stomping off to the kitchen for need of something. She wanted coffee or tea or whiskey, but the kitchen was empty. She cursed to herself and ran a hand through her hair, frustration and desperation flowing through her at rapid speeds. She heard him approaching behind her and she curled in on herself, fighting the violent urges to throw herself at him again.

She felt him there, at her back. He wasn't touching her, not even close enough to feel his breath on her neck, but she could sense him. His presence enveloped her and it caused her body to react in very unladylike fashions. She wanted to punch him, she wanted to kiss him, she even wanted to throw him on the table and ravish him completely. All in all, the process of their rekindling could be completed within a few volatile minutes of yelling and make up sex. She shook her head to clear those thoughts from her mind, she wouldn't let herself escape from this. She needed to face him, she needed to face what they went through, what they were to each other.

"What was it I said to upset you?" He finally spoke, his voice soft and tenuous.

Kairi turned, leaning back on the counter, putting further space between them, her hands gripping the edges of the cold surface. She didn't want to look at him, there were so many warring emotions that she could not control. The entire experience was overwhelming and it was taking every ounce of her consciousness not to just explode with all the possible feelings that were welling up inside of her. It would leave him horribly confused.

"I was just worried, Sherlock. I wanted you to be okay. I wanted you to be here. I wanted you to be on Mars." She allowed herself a rueful chuckle, "Every single day I prayed for you to come back, every single day I revoked that prayer and wished for you to stay away. I never stopped wanting you here, ever, but I couldn't exactly find the strength to face you if you had returned." She admitted softly and hazarded a glance at him. He was frowning, "It was a very difficult time for me, very confusing."

"Was Dr. Sherman not accommodating?" He muttered, pushing his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to her.

Kairi nodded and chuckled, "He is extremely accommodating Sherlock. I was a mess, an absolute fucking mess. He's helped me greatly with all of the things I went through, what we went through." She sighed again and dropped her eyes to her shoes, seeing Sherlock's feet edge just slightly closer. She tried not to smile, she was fighting the same urge to throw herself at him, "I couldn't talk about you much yet. I couldn't even process how to _begin_ talking about you." The smile was gone and dread was gripping her chest, "I am terrified of you, Sherlock Holmes."

His toes almost touched hers now and she could feel the warmth of him curl around her, "Why?"

She shook slightly and looked up at him, "Because I still love you, after all that happened, I still love you. People usually fall apart after things like this, but somehow I didn't — I mean, I guess I did fall apart, but my love for you didn't change." She sighed heavily, "I can't even begin to tell you how much I care about you, Sherlock. I've never been good with relationships, with people in general! But with you it just seems...comfortable. Right." She closed her eyes and shook her head with her heart pounding in her chest, "I'm not going to try to stop it anymore, not unless..." She swallowed the words, she didn't want them out in the open. Once they passed her lips, she couldn't take them back.

"Unless?" His voice was almost a whisper. His hand reached out and he put a knuckle under her chin and with a rueful smile, he forced her face to meet his gaze. Her eyes were still closed and the muscles of her face were tense, fraught with her desire to hide. He laughed at her gently, "Unless?" He urged.

She sighed testily and opened her eyes, meeting Sherlock's gaze which was soft and open and nebulous, consuming her wholly. With a very small voice, which was stronger than how she felt on the inside, she finally admitted her fear, "Unless you don't want me."

Sherlock gave her a pained smile as he listened to those words_. _The nights he had spent imagining his time with her were practically all that kept him sane during his months away. It was the only thing that kept his rage bearable. Despite his desperate efforts to appear unattached and stoic, he had dreamt of her often, tasted her lips on a rare cigarette. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, "I'll say it again..." His voice was tender, full of need.

Kairi looked up at him, watching his features morph in front of her. He seemed confused and lost and unsure. Where was Sherlock Holmes? What had she done to him? Her stomach lurched and she felt a sob welling in her chest, fighting against the tightness of the anxiety crushing her lungs.

"Tell me that I may hold you." He finished in a whisper and she let out a shuddering breath that Sherlock felt deep in his gut. She nodded slowly and he reached out, hesitantly. He pulled her towards him, her body shaking and unsure until she pressed against his chest and melted against him.

In that moment, she felt a comfort within his arms that she had been searching for all of her life. She let out a sob as his arms enveloped her and she was surrounded by his scent and his warmth. He held her closely, almost suffocating her, but she didn't care, she wanted to mold to him, to latch onto him with a blinding intensity. All of her emotions, everything she had tucked away during his absence pulsed through her veins and she wanted nothing more than to love him fully. She didn't want to be half-cocked and scared for the rest of her life. She wanted to throw herself into her love for him and ignore the tenuous proposition of the future and what tomorrow would hold.

After her tears subsided and they held each other in the kitchen for what could have been hours, she finally exhaled her last shaky breath within his arms, focusing on the sound of his breathing, whirling within his chest, the sound of his heart beat, echoing in the chambers of her mind. He was real, he was there, and he wanted her.

He felt her arms shift, moving around his midsection to squeeze him tightly, her eyes were most likely shut storing away sensations, in the child-like way that she used to hold him. Sherlock had to admit that it soothed him greatly. Finally having her this way: feeling her skin against his finger tips and her soft body folding into his, it was perfection. A flint sparked within the darkness of his mind, one that had been so bland because of the clean and cold logical madness that consumed him this last year. Kairi held another piece of him entirely, she pulled from him a warmth that he could not quite muster for anyone else.

She sighed against him, breaking their reverie and finally admitted to herself that she needed to be honest, that she had tell him the truth of the last year of his absence, "Sherlock." She said quietly and he hummed his recognition, "I'll need to take it slow with you. I'm still..." She paused, trying to formulate just how she felt in her mind, "It's different with you, the way you make me feel. It's intense and it's difficult to process. I need some time to reintegrate you into my life. I haven't..." She lost the words as they formed in her mouth.

He tutted at her and she chuckled against him, "I understand and I will do my best to respect your wishes. It's been a long year without you and I'll admit, my desire for you has not weakened in the slightest." She hummed against him, "What was it you said during the holidays? _Absence make the heart grow fonder_?"

She snorted in his arms and then pulled back, looking up at him with a bright smile, "Yes. Do you think it's rubbish now?"

He allowed a curt laugh at that, "Perhaps it holds a bit more weight since I was able to collect data on the matter."

She gave him a coy grin, "_Data_? What's that then? Dirty tissues hidden in your trash can in the confines of your secret spy room? Hidden bottles of Jergen's under your bed?"

He gave her a sharp glare at the implication, "I have impeccable self-control."

Kairi pursed her lips, trying not to smile at his ire, "Only because you were halfway around the world."

Sherlock rose an eyebrow and brought his hand to her face, bringing her eyes to his so he could take her in. He would not deny the absolute need that pulsed through his veins as his fingertips played across the softness of her features, memorizing them all over again. He had been absent from her for so long and his desire was practically vibrating through him. He felt his jaw clench as he watched her pupils dilate and her breath hitch when their eyes met. His stomach stirred, like plates of molten fire shifting beneath his skin.

He smiled with a slightly sinister tilt, watching her tongue sneak out slowly to lick her bottom lip, "May I kiss you?" His voice was husky and his throat tight.

Kairi seemed to shake in his arms, staring into his eyes, looking almost scared and so very desperate. She glanced down to his lips and he smirked as he observed her. She nodded, hesitantly, and he leaned forward, keeping his eyes on her until he pressed his mouth against hers and the air seemed to erupt into pure heat.

There was nothing in the universe that could halt the moan that escaped Kairi's lips.

Hearing that noise ignited something furious within Sherlock. In an instant, as if it were never walled up within his mind palace, his senses were flooded by Kairi: her touch, her scent, her taste, it was maddening. His grip tightened around her and she seemed to whimper in his arms. The last thing he wanted to do was let her go, but he did. With great shame, he watched as Kairi pushed him away and stalked out of the kitchen with her hand on her lips, her features screwed up in a grimace. He followed her slowly, containing all of whatever was happening inside of his body behind the cold wall of his impassive features. He could contain it, he _would_ contain it.

She was facing his bookshelves, on the other side of the room with one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other, most likely pressing into her mouth, containing her sobs as her body shook frantically. He looked down at his feet as they moved towards her without his permission. He stopped by John's chair, frozen with guilt — an emotion he was not greatly acquainted with prior to Sebastian Moran's presence in their lives. He wanted to say something, to apologize, to pull her out of wherever she was that made her uncomfortable and ashamed. He remembered that look, a cowering, frail woman afraid of everything around her. The last thing he wanted on this earth was for her to fear him.

He was brought out of his reeling mind by the sound of her voice, but he was so focused on his own thoughts, he didn't register what she had muttered, "Pardon?" He said looking up at her, worried that his own voice would betray him. He wanted her, needed her. It was an overwhelming sensation that surged through him and clouded his mind. She finally turned to face him, her hands dropping to her sides, fisted tightly. He would have thought that Kairi was angry, she was so stiff as she looked at him, determined. His heart seemed to falter. He feared that she would reprimand him for his untoward display.

"Again." She stated with more fire, insisting it upon him with a ferocity in her eyes that Sherlock could not deny.

He stalked over to her with purposeful strides and she reached out to him. As his hands seized her waist, her fingers dove into his hair and their lips met with a symphony of hormones rushing through their veins. In a flurry of movement, they pulled each other closer, opening their mouths and losing all logical thought to their pent up desire.

Kairi moaned against him, grasping the cropped hair in her fists as much as she could. She was alight with passion, a furious sexual need that she feared had left her entirely after the incident with Moran. She was ecstatic, Sherlock's lips on hers did nothing but wash away the shame left by the poisonous intentions of Moran. He adjusted his hands on her, one pressing on her lower back, forcing her into his hips, the other resting between her shoulder blades, his fingertips digging into the cloth as if he could will it to disappear. Her fingers moved to the sides his face, splaying across the soft warmth of his skin and he moaned, stepping forward to invade her space completely.

Backing her up further caused them to collide with the bookshelf, eliciting a surprised yelp from Kairi that was silenced after her lips claimed his again. She pulled herself up against him, onto her tip toes and Sherlock obliged, his hands shooting to her waist to lift her so she could wrap her legs around him, locking her ankles at his back. He pressed into her further, crushing her against the bookshelf, elated at the thin material of her leggings that allowed him to press into her heat. His hips rolled against her and tore a groan from her throat that sent a spike through his bloodstream, straight to the pleasure centers of his brain. He resigned to the fact that he would gladly do anything to hear her make those noises for the foreseeable future. His mouth abandoned hers for a moment and attacked her neck, allowing her a brief respite to breathe properly. He tasted every inch of available skin, allowing the sweetness of her to consume him as her moans played a concert in his ear.

Kairi's mind was reeling and she couldn't focus. So many nights she had imagined this, unsuccessfully. Nothing could compare to the way his hands grasped at her thighs, how his hips pushed into hers and his chest invaded her own space for breathing. She turned her head slightly as he nipped at her shoulder and she pressed her lips to his lower jaw, along the line of neck that she could reach, and nipping on his earlobe, allowing her tongue to taste him and revel in the way he made her feel alive again.

The sharpness of her teeth against his skin elicited a growl within his chest and he felt Kairi shiver against him, her thighs clenching for a moment around his hips. Grasping her as a lifeline, he fought desperately against the coldness in his chest that demanded he stop and demonstrate some control. A faint part of his mind registered that his mobile was ringing.

Kairi let out a gasp, feeling his phone vibrate against her inner thigh, pulling her out of her lust-induced haze and bringing her back to reality. The reality where she couldn't just dive back into his bed. The reality where he could not just consume her life all over again. She shook her head, biting her own lip and hating herself for going to therapy to become a wholesome, sane human being.

"Sherlock..." She gasped as he bit against her raging pulse and she felt herself warm perfectly against the bulge pressing into the apex of her thighs.

He groaned at the wavering tone of her voice and his mobile rang again, infuriating him to no end. He was absolutely enraged that answering his phone would require detangling his limbs from Kairi's and leaving the warmth of her embrace. He pulled away with a growl and pressed his forehead against hers, their heaving breaths intermingling as Sherlock's muscles tensed and Kairi shook.

He watched her lips tremble gently and he sighed, "I understand." He whispered and she let out a small sob, "I'm sorry." He admitted and kissed her gently on the forehead. He helped her stand, her feet planting on the ground as his hands fisted in the loose material of the skirt that had gathered at her hips.

"I'm sorry — it's just a lot. I liked it, a lot — it's just…" She choked out. He pulled her to him and held her close.

"Don't apologize." He whispered against her dark hair. "You and I have a lot to rediscover."

His phone began to ring again and it startled Kairi so much that she let out a squeak. He chuckled stepping back enough to allow an extra inch of space so that they were no longer crushed against the book-case, but he stayed near. Kairi was gripping his suit, not quite willing to let him move further, it seemed.

"You've been round Molly too much, with all that squeaking." He muttered with distaste.

Kairi let out a hysteric laugh and covered her mouth as he pulled his phone to his ear and answered it.

"Yes?" He said into the receiver with a coldness in his tone that made Kairi waver. He looked down at her for a moment and gave her an affection smile. It was quickly replaced by an eye roll and a growl as someone spoke over the phone, "I'm quite busy." He snarled testily.

Kairi chuckled and patted his chest, stepping around him and moving back over to John's chair with shaky legs, trying to ignore the daggers that Sherlock was shooting at her. She sat down slowly, trying to contain herself and rein in her hormones and emotions while Sherlock talked on the phone. She stared at the fire again, allowing his voice roll over her and supply her comfort despite the menacing tone. The level of distaste he demonstrated through his speech meant it must have been Mycroft on the other end. That, or he was truly perturbed over the fact that the caller had interrupted their reconnection.

Saved by the bell, indeed.

With a bitter chuckle, Sherlock ended the call and glanced back over to Kairi, who was sitting in John's chair with an elusive smile on her face and a far off look in her eyes. He walked over to her and stood a foot away, waiting for her to refocus. He cleared his throat and she finally looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling, while a wide smile spread over her swollen lips.

He took a moment to really look at her and appreciate her beauty. Her face was bare of any make up, so her features were soft to him, something comforting. Her hair was shorter than he'd ever seen on her and the strands were dark. Despite the drastic difference to her appearance, it pleased him. Her body had transformed from the frail structure he remembered before to one of plush curves and strength. She seemed healthy, happy. He couldn't deny the absolute mirth he felt seeing her put together again, smiling and alive and strong. Especially after he had repentantly left her so splintered and frail.

"That was Lestrade. There's a corpse he wants me to investigate, quite urgently." He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet, the churning heat in his gut was doing nothing for the seriousness of the situation. "It seems that we will need to have this conversation another time."

Kairi nodded, smiling knowingly at Sherlock, "Yeah, of course." She stood slowly and adjusted her dress, shifting uncomfortably to battle the wetness in her pants. She felt herself flush again and looked at Sherlock who was fighting a grin as he watched her. She glared at him with a certain vexation in her eyes, "Your hair looks a mess and you've got a tent pitched, don't make fun of me!"

He chuckled slightly and did his own minute adjusting. "However," He went on as if she hadn't spoken, "if you'd like to continue, I wouldn't mind if you accompanied me to the crime scene."

Kairi hid her smile by turning away from Sherlock, "Really Sherlock? Jumping from having your tongue down my throat to taking me to murder scenes?" She shook her head and turned back to him with a coy grin on her lips, "I thought we were going to take things slow."

The corner of his mouth hitched and he rolled his shoulders to straighten his posture, "Are you not ready to be seen with me yet?"

Kairi sighed gently and her shoulders slumped, "It's not _that_ Sherlock, you know that I love you. I want to be with you, _everyone_ knows that, so hiding it is silly at this point. I'm just worried about jumping right back into where we were before Moran." She had to fight the bile that rose when that name crossed her lips. "I'm not quite that girl anymore. I'm not saying everything has changed but..."

"Yes, well, everything _has_ changed, hasn't it?" He chuckled lightly and she moved towards him, which was a marked improvement. When her arms wrapped around his waist he returned the gesture with hesitant hands, "I put forward my best effort to distance myself from you Kairi, but now that I am home, I feel as if I can finally breathe. The case that I was on, the things that were required of me were difficult." He swallowed heavily while his hands adjusted on her, trying to keep himself from touching every inch of her, to make sure this wasn't a dream, "For the last year, I was not entirely myself." He felt her shift in his arms and she looked up at him, curious and sad, so he continued, "I need to re-tune myself to this life here, but your presence is a driving force. All I had when I was away were memories…"

Kairi smiled, "I know. I can feel it. You're just sort of coiled up inside there." She poked a finger in his chest and he managed a smile, "You're home now, you'll jump right back into being Sherlock Holmes. Whatever it was you did, whatever you had to do, I know you did it to help people. That's all you ever do."

He chuckled at her and shook his head, "Now what have you done to the teasing girl I left who used to insult me?"

Kairi smiled at him, "What happened to my brooding, stoic consulting detective? All I see is this husky, impassioned man looking to fuck me through a wall."

Sherlock's eyes widened at her brashness and a blush inadvertently glowed on his cheeks, "What?!" He sounded affronted, though in fact he had every intention to engage in vigorous intercourse when she was ready and willing.

Kairi outright giggled and laid her face against his chest, "Ah, there's a bit of him, I thought I had done too good of a job desensitizing you to sex." She hugged him close and he chuckled.

They stepped back from the embrace and adjusted themselves again. The silence was tenuous as they looked at one another. There were gaps that needed to be filled, questions that needed answering. Time spent apart had done them good, for the most part, but there was still a lot of healing to occur. The wall between them was shoddy and falling down, but there was a hint of uncertainty towards what they would find on the other side. Two new beasts needed to be tamed.

"Well, since you know me so well, would you accompany me to the crime scene?" He tried to hide his eagerness.

Kairi sighed dramatically, "I don't know Sherlock, that's like third date material right there." She finished sarcastically.

Sherlock rose an eyebrow and stepped closer, raising his hand to hold the side of her face and her neck, the fleshy bit of his palm pressing against her pulse as it began to race, "Third date material?" He muttered in a confused way, but his eyes narrowed and he grinned at her, "I've had the fortuity of being inside of you, Kairi. I think the preamble of dates is a little excessive."

She rolled her eyes and snorted, pulling out of his grasp, "You are impossible!" She rasped at him but couldn't hide the smile on her lips. She began to walk away until he spoke.

"However, I could use a second pair of eyes." He added with a hint of disdain which made Kairi turn back in curiosity.

"You want me to be your assistant?" She chuckled and eyed him with suspicion. "Why? Is the body inside a computer or something?"

He rolled his eyes at her attempt at self depreciating humor, "My blogger seems to be missing. Judging from the state of this flat, I'm under the impression I'm currently the sole tenant." He growled and then added in a hiss, "_Sentiment_ does such odd things to people. I'm not sure why they felt the need to find a new flat together when the previous living situation was perfectly adequate."

It was Kairi's turn to roll her eyes, "They're _engaged_ Sherlock. That's what engaged people do: move in together, get married, have babies."

He scoffed at her, "Precisely, _sentiment _makes people do stupid things_._"

She could only chuckle.

He turned back to her, ignoring his previous thoughts. Grinning fully now, he relished in the excitement of a new case that suited him, "The body is only approximately four hours old. Vital evidence could be present, so we mustn't waste time." He reached out his hand to her, "Will you come?"

Kairi sighed and stepped forward, reaching her hand out to grasp his, "I really have no other choice." He frowned at her and Kairi just chuckled, "But don't expect me to get all doe-eye and willowy at the mention of a case," She added scathingly with a squeeze to his hand, "I'm not John you know, I'm not going to run around London like a madwoman with you two. After this case, unless you need my computer prowess, I'd very much like to just hear about your cases in a bath with a glass of wine."

Sherlock gave her a warm look, "I believe that could be arranged."

Kairi rolled her eyes, "You tart, the only way you're getting close to that tonight is if I phone you during my bath!" She took the hand that wasn't holding his and poked his chest. He swatted at her finger until the poke became a caress, picking at a button on his shirt, "I mean, that doesn't sound half bad really, sitting in the bath and listening to you talk about a case," She gave him a saucy look, but then became stern, "but you're not getting naked with me just yet Mr. Holmes. I'm not that easy."

Sherlock chuckled and pulled her along, grabbing his coat while Kairi whistled for Toby to follow, "That's not a fact I'd be willing to testify to in court."

"Prick." Kairi grumbled and then yanked her hand from his as she pushed past him and strode out the door of 221B. "I'm going to my flat to get my jacket and boots. I doubt I should show up to a crime scene in slippers."

He grabbed his coat and followed her down as she skipped in front of him, gleeful and excited. He had missed the thrumming calm in his mind that Kairi provided. Thoughts of her had their own affect, but being near her, being close was an entirely different feeling. Despite the miles between them he truly hadn't been that far from her, not always.

He waited outside her door for a few moments, until he realized that she was taking far too long to just grab boots and a jacket. He pushed through the door and a smile graced his lips as he looked around. Her flat was very much the same as it had been when he left, but he was honestly surprised to see that Kairi now had photographs on her mantle and art graced the walls. The pictures were rudimentary and simple, but aesthetically pleasing, ranging from pictures of flowers, to unique curves of the human frame, and then to one painting that made him chuckle slightly.

The one that hung over her mantle was a larger canvas and it was a depiction of a door with the familiar cream stone around a thin black entryway. A gold knocker rested in the middle of the door, slightly askew. It was a painting of the entrance to Baker Street. It came as a shock when he realized that brush strokes and swooping lines all resembled the paintings that were hanging within her home. Kairi had painted each one.

She emerged a moment later, her face delicately smoothed over with her usual make up. He gave her a frown, disappointed to see that she still felt the need to hide behind such a mask. The paint on her face did nothing to hide nor enhance her beauty, except to provide a harsher contrast in her features, which remained pleasing. Yet it still struck Sherlock as disagreeable. She paused when she saw his face and the blood-red lips curled up in a smirk.

"Un-pop your collar and I'll take off my make up." She said jestingly and Sherlock grinned.

"Well, if you must..." He added fleetingly, "Your paintings are very nice. Not exactly fit for the Louvre, but nonetheless adequate."

Kairi chuckled, "Thanks, Molly would take me to painting classes — they'd give you free food and some wine and do an instruction. I always went my own way a little bit, but I liked it. Helped me express _feelings_ and such." He scoffed at her tone and she rolled her eyes in response.

"You've got personal pictures up now." He glanced over to a photo of her family when Kairi was very young.

"Yeah," She smiled, "It was an exercise, really: don't be afraid of the past, let things hurt a bit. Now I can look at them and not hurt so much, even remember good times." She admitted wistfully as she joined Sherlock as he looked over pictures of her family at varying ages.

"And how is Deanna?" Sherlock questioned, investigating the photo of Julie and Danni in twin frames. Their features had only slightly changed, but he could see what a difference a year had made in their development. Seeing them had made an impression on just how much time had passed. His attention was diverted from the photos when he noticed Kairi's silence. He could practically feel the tension that rolled off of her in that moment, so he turned and saw her looking sad.

"She passed away in August." She frowned, staring down at nothing, "It's better, we buried her with dad — thanks by the way, helping identify him." She cleared her throat, "They're at peace or one with the universe or something, but at least they're no longer lost to the world." She looked up at him with a tiny smile.

Sherlock straightened and walked to her, placing unsure hands on her shoulders, "I find no pain in death Kairi, however, I am sorry for your loss."

Kairi gave him a sad sort of grin, "Well, whatever you were up to sure instilled a bit of manners." She eyed him and nodded with real appreciation, "Thank you."

He nodded in return and stepped away from her, looking at nothing in particular before turning back with a smile. She seemed at ease, so he intoned, "Crime scene?"

Kairi chuckled and nodded, "Crime scene."

With that, they dashed off into the night, ridding in a cab in an invigorated silence.

Midway through the drive, she glanced at Sherlock who looked smug to have placed his hand on her thigh, tracing faint lines along the soft material of her skirt. "Getting a bit handsy, aren't we?" She joked, his smirk deepened.

"If you are uncomfortable, I will stop." He looked down at her, still with his smirk.

She scowled at him. Of course she didn't want him to stop touching her. She'd been waiting a year for that, "Its fine, but don't get any ideas." She huffed with an upturned nose that looked out at the city lights. She scowled when she heard him chuckle, but she refused to satisfy his pride with her ire.

As she watched London fly by her, she tried to grasp exactly what was happening and who it was happening with.

Sherlock returns and drama begins anew. A part of her thought it would be wiser to fling herself from the vehicle, to search for a life spent doing mundane things like gardening or coupon clipping. She knew that having Sherlock in her life meant that adventure was always around the corner, whether she liked it or not. And if she were being truly honest with herself, she never really liked gardening or coupons anyway.

* * *

_**AN**_

_***glorious squeeing***_

_**Soooooo...?**_

_**Thoughts? I'd love to hear how you think their first real interaction went down. I don't even know what to say as there's just so much going on and I just want to hear what you think...Please Please PLEASE?!**_

_**Also, I had a silly little one shot in mind that I got on the back burner, I'm not sure if any of you would be interested because it involves copious amounts of smut between Kairi and Sherlock and it resonates highly with some BDSM and Dom/Sub culture... It wouldn't be story related at all, it would just simply be using those characters in an AU of sorts... I got Sherlock!Dom in my brain and Kairi!Sub in there and they've just been playing around and I've been tempted to put it on internet paper in my "one shots"... Any interest? **_

_**Either way, read, review, favorite, follow, lurk, whatever your little hearts desire... More on the case in the next chapter :D**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**This chapter contains detailed scenes of a gruesome crime scene. It is done so for the case in mind and not just to be gory or shocking.**_

* * *

The taxi ride remained silent and relatively comfortable. Neither Kairi nor Sherlock really knew what to say since they couldn't speak of anything meaningful in such a short span of time. Arriving seething from a fight or disheveled from a lengthy snogging session wouldn't be greatly received by Scotland Yard, so the familiar silence of her morose detective would have to do. They'd remain slightly distant, vibrating with unmet needs and trying not to leap on each other every other minute. She smiled, just trying to feel in the moment with her precious detective. It was a very difficult thing to do when there were so many things that needed to be said, that needed to be heard.

They arrived at Brompton Park rather quickly and approached the barricaded crime scene, blocked off so the public couldn't just wander in. The area itself was a rather populated one, surrounded by businesses, residences, and even a fancy hotel. Kairi had yet to go to Brompton Park - her fascination with parks had dwindled since Moran - and it was a bit out of her usual routine. This wasn't exactly how she wanted to visit it, but it was a visit nonetheless. It was a smaller park and it backed up against a well known cemetery surrounded by residences. Bright lights were set up, illuminating the area and almost making it seem like a movie set.

Sherlock was pulling Kairi along, holding her hand in his tight grip. To the passing glares they received, it looked like he was dragging her, forcing her to keep up and come along this little sick adventure, but in reality, it was about as affectionate as he would get in public. In his little reality, taking someone along to a crime scene was probably the highest regard he could have for a person. Not many really understood that about him. Not to mention, his legs were almost twice as long as Kairi's, so dragging her was more of an accident than an effort.

They passed through the tape, lifted by a cross looking uniformed officer that Kairi didn't know and Sherlock barely cared to acknowledge. As they approached the scene, they passed by a few officers who greeted Kairi with smiles, then they navigated around high screens that were blocking the body from the public's view. They weaved around countless uniformed people and found Lestrade standing about three feet away from the corpse, one arm crossed over his midsection and the other gripping his chin, his eyes looking fierce as he took it all in.

Sherlock watched Lestrade as he acknowledged their approach. A nod to the consulting detective and a lingering sort of stare at Kairi, half nervous and half something else which made Sherlock minutely curious. As they got closer, Sherlock let go of Kairi and removed his glove to shake Lestrade's hand.

"Gene." Sherlock nodded, ignoring the pointed eye roll from the detective and focusing instead on the handshake, he couldn't help his innate investigative drives. He noticed that Kairi was watching them closely.

"Greg." Lestrade growled, letting go of the offending detective's hand and reaching towards Kairi to give her a stiff sort of hug that she returned with an equal lack of warmth.

"No, Sherlock." He smiled, pointing to himself with a wicked grin which caused Kairi to roll her eyes and chuckle and Lestrade just glared at him. He pushed his observations to the side, meant to be dealt with later. He ignored the rest of the world instantly and looked towards the body, a static sort of excitement coursing through him as he took in every bit of the scene with elation. "Identification?"

"None." Lestrade said, "But we've left her mostly alone aside from sectioning off the area. We didn't want anyone to stumble in and see this."

In the middle of the cordoned off area, a battered woman was very much on display. Sherlock walked towards her, his eyes snaking through the bloody grass and across the now pale skin. She was splayed out, arms above her head, legs spread wide beneath her, anchored in place with railroad spikes. Recognition sent a surge through his gut and he had to stifle a chuckle as he let his eyes wander over his newest case.

A familiar incision was cut into her upper torso, the letter Y in crimson red, stretching from her upper chest and all the way down to just below her belly button. The skin was not sutured, but the flaps of skin were closed, merely awaiting an anxious and brilliant hand to peel it back to expose the empty cavity. An assortment of the dead woman's organs were on display beside the body, cut out neatly, with a dextrous hand and laid out decoratively, invitingly. The liver, stomach, even coiled intestines delicately tied off, and all other slabs of meat that took up residence within the human frame, were all neatly lined up, surrounding her in some sort of macabre parade.

Sherlock smiled then, a familiar roll spreading through his frame as his mind ticked away at a scene that he had seen almost exactly before. Someone cleared their throat and he looked back to see Kairi eyeing him with an anxious look on her face. He sighed heavily and removed the smile from his lips, though he could not do much for the almost luminous excitement in his eyes. He removed his coat and handed it to her. As he went back to the corpse, she seemed to smile at him, a little unsure, but rather well composed considering the state of the body before her. She was muttering between Lestrade and Donovan, Anderson just a foot or so behind them, observing Sherlock working with a sort of bitter admiration.

"Have you called Molly?" Sherlock said over his shoulder as he pulled latex gloves from his pocket and slipped them on.

"She's with John at her family's. We can't call her." Kairi muttered distastefully.

"How inconvenient." He drawled and looked back at Kairi who was pointedly ignoring the corpse, her body turned slightly towards Lestrade who stood with her in some sort of solidarity. Sherlock frowned momentarily, but continued with the corpse, inspecting each inch as per routine, "It may be wise. I'm sure she and John would want to be informed of a serial killer returning."

"Wait, what?" Lestrade asked with his almost limitless incredulity.

Sherlock scoffed as he made a circle around the body, finding an appropriate place to begin inspecting the organs lying next to it, "Scotland Yard has such a short and insipid memory!" He muttered in frustration, fingering a kidney. "Unsolved murder where the victim was attacked, spiked down, and eviscerated? Surely you haven't forgotten…" He glanced back at the blank face of Lestrade and sighed.

"Oh my god!" Kairi said loudly and Sherlock just smiled at her, putting the blatant pieces together. "Sherlock you can't possibly mean…" She put a hand over her mouth, looking like she was about to be sick and Lestrade stepped closer to her, putting a reassuring arm around her, "God Greg! The body, the video… The goddamned bomb!"

Sherlock was gazing at the body, ignoring their interaction completely, and looking like a child on Christmas Morning, presents in the form of evidence all wrapped up and hidden beneath the artfully decorated corpse. "The Sandman." He said with a grin.

Lestrade gave an exaggerated sigh and pulled Kairi a bit closer as she regained her resolve, "Christ. Knew this didn't feel right." He shook his head and glanced at Kairi, "You okay?"

Sherlock let the conversation continue out of his scope of care as he took in the corpse more specifically as opposed to the gore. The woman was in her mid-fifties maybe, lines around her face that denoted age, but not overexposure to sun. She probably had a job inside then. Her skin was pale and had been delicately made up in a no-nonsense type of way — prior to her untimely disembowelment at least. So a professional job, but she worked with people enough to need a presentable face. Years of accumulated weight kept her body rounded but not obese. Her hands weren't calloused, but she had decent musculature despite her larger frame, denoting some sort of activity in relation to daily work — not an avid gym goer then. He had no clothes to go off of since she was naked, save a pair of common cotton underthings covering her lower half.

A pile of brightly colored material was cut up and placed beneath her head. He looked more closely at her face and mouth. Tongue removed, blood pooling in her oral cavity, probably a good amount inhaled and regurgitated during the process of her death, but not enough to make her drown in it. He would need Molly's assessment for cause of death, as it was not caused by her injuries. He would assume she expired close to four hours ago, before The Sandman had completely finished with her — some wounds appeared to be postmortem while others occurred antemortem. The antemortem wounds seemed to be close to five hours old, meaning she was abducted close to five and a half, possibly six hours prior.

Due to time of death and the amount of time required for a vivisection, wherever she was abducted from had to be near by. He glanced around and saw that this area was hidden from surrounding homes and businesses well enough. She was probably wearing her work clothes at the time of abduction, so she was either abducted from or on her way home from her job. He glanced back at the body and focused in on her hair.

"Kairi, you'll need to call Molly. Ensure she isn't highly intoxicated before requesting her presence back at the morgue." Sherlock added, glancing at the victim's hair line and noticing dark roots coming in between a sharp line of bright blonde. Her hair had been dyed and was in need of a touch up. Then, the scraps of material beneath her head caught his eye.

"Requesting?" Kairi asked cheekily.

Sherlock scoffed, "Fine, demand it."

Kairi rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone.

Sherlock's smile returned and he stood, ripping off a latex glove and pulling out his phone to flip through an internet search. He smiled wide, glancing at Lestrade who was staring at the body with sad eyes. Frowning for a moment, Sherlock cleared his throat and received the attention of the Inspector and Kairi, "You'll want to question the staff at Chelsea and Westminster."

"Why?" Lestrade looked oddly at the consulting detective.

"Chelsea and Westminster?" Kairi questioned, looking back and forth between the Inspector and the Detective. She handed him his coat and he slid it on with a flourish.

"Hospital on Fulham Road, not very far from here at all." He smiled at Kairi and then addressed Lestrade, "I believe you have a middle aged nurse, possibly the head nurse of the Triage unit going by her age. She has been a nurse for a very long time. I have no doubt that she was abducted from there no more than six hours ago. Probably had just come off of a double shift — hair and face have been unwashed for at least thirty-six hours."

"How -?" Lestrade stopped himself and just looked at Sherlock expectantly.

Sherlock graced him with a small, pedantic smile. Opening his mouth to say something cruel, he glanced at Kairi and saw her looking impatient, maybe even pleading, so he just continued with his explanation, "The material beneath her head is brightly colored and despite it being cut to bits to hide it, the material is decorated with some sort of cartoon cat." He shrugged, "Doesn't look like a popular character, and the cheap, mostly polyester, cotton blend is clearly that of medical scrubs worn by nurses. I guessed triage because of the stress lines around her face and the fact that her hair has not been kept dyed for at least two weeks — busy, busy, busy it seems — not many nights off to dye her hair and keep up appearances."

He smiled as his mind whirred with activity, "She's middle-aged, slightly overweight but not in a horribly unhealthy manner — so she is active, but not an avid exerciser. I'd say she's single, possibly divorced with elder children, judging by the stretch marks on her abdomen, children that are no longer toddling about anymore. That's an assumption based on her age and the hours she put into work."

He looked back at the body, "Surgical cuts with a very sharp instrument, removal of organs, railroad spikes… All signs point to The Sandman abducting a nurse from Chelsea and Westminster and murdering her in the wooded area of Brompton Park. Not notoriously busy this late at night, nor highly traversed being so close to a popular cemetery and all." He glanced up at Kairi and Lestrade who were gaping at him and he frowned, "It's simple if you would have just observed." He added haughtily.

"Shit." Kairi muttered and then nodded, "I'll call John and Molly and get them to meet us at Bart's."

"Yes." Sherlock nodded as she walked away and he turned slightly to address Lestrade. "Your team is up, tell them not to muck about, I do hate it when vital evidence gets ruined by inadequate collection measures." He finished and went to follow Kairi.

Lestrade shot him a glower and then ignored the jab, "Yeah, fine." He cleared his throat and reached out to Sherlock, grabbing his arm sharply. Sherlock looked a bit shocked at the physical touch but Lestrade continued, sounding a bit desperate, "Look, I know this is great and all for you, the corpse, Kairi, perfect birthday and all that, but we're taking her out tomorrow for _her_ birthday. I'm sure she'd like you to come. Probably dinner and a drink at Northumberland, something silly like that, but she'd never ask for herself."

Sherlock shot him a glare, "I don't do social events Lestrade and I certainly don't celebrate something as trivial as one more year closer to a person's death."

Lestrade sighed, looking defeated and even disappointed, "Yeah, I figured." He regained his most professional looking stature and added, "We will get the body to Bart's soon as possible."

Sherlock nodded and shrugged off the offending hand, flapping his coat to adjust it comfortably and followed after Kairi as she phoned John.

"Hello? Kairi?" She heard John say over raucous laughter.

"Hey!" Kairi said excitedly as John answered and she heard the grating din of a large family at dinner.

"Pardon me," He said to someone else, obviously excusing himself from the conversation as he took her call, "Everything all right?" Kairi could hear him more clearly now since he moved further away from the noise of Molly's family.

"Oh well, sort of." Kairi replied sheepishly, "Look, this is a weird night already, don't make me explain too much."

John seemed to chuckle, "Right, well I shouldn't be too surprised, what's going on?"

Kairi smiled, "Well, I hope you aren't having too much fun — you and Molly are required back in London."

She could practically hear the gears turning in John's mind, "_Required_? Oh Christ, Sherlock's back isn't he?"

Kairi chuckled, "Yes, he came back earlier this evening. A body happened to bubble up through the cracks as well, so we are at a crime scene right now."

"Christ!" John already sounded tired, "Yeah, that sounds about as normal as it gets for you lot. How did it all go? I mean, aside from the dead body."

Kairi chuckled turning slightly to see Sherlock walking behind her, deep in thought, as she headed towards the edge of the police line, "Fine, I guess. We've got more to discuss, but… Well, it went all right until he was called on a case."

"Well, it sounds as if that's going just about right as rain for him then," John added sarcastically, "Shit, he _really_ brought you to a crime scene?" He sounded a little angered at that and Kairi tried not to smile as she ducked under the police line and headed back to where they came from to find a cab. "I thought you wanted to take things slow." He added with a sad chuckle.

Kairi outright laughed, "First of all, his blogger was absent and he needed an assistant. Second of all, I already made that joke, thirdly, tell Molly to keep her yap shut about Sherlock and I, the little gossip. The idea of privacy this last year was alluring, though I'm sure it's all out the window now." She added light heartedly.

"Right, so you need us? I'm imagining he's vibrating with excitement, got his girl, got a corpse, doesn't need much else," he joked. "We're about an hour out of London."

Kairi chuckled, glancing at Sherlock who had caught up to her and was indeed looking far too overzealous at her side, "Yeah, an hour is fine, Scotland Yard has the scene now and they're collecting evidence and samples. You've got an excuse to leave, so hopefully Molly isn't knackered or drunk."

"No, she's been good, but her step-father is getting to the point where he's going to start spouting his misogynistic bullshit about her job not being fit for a lady and how she'll need to get all of that silly science work out of her system when there's a baby on the way." He sounded exasperated. Kairi knew all too well how Molly's step-father liked to talk down to her. The man was decent enough, but horribly old-fashioned and close-minded, especially when he had too much to drink and he let his mouth run on.

Kairi sighed, "Oh God, poor Molly. Babies already, _again_? You aren't even married yet!"

John chuckled, "Yeah, tell me about it. Evidently I'm supposed to start up my own practice and bring in all the dough while she stays barefoot and pregnant at home. I'll go tell her the good news. I'm sure she'll be somewhat delighted to be called into work."

"Good. We will see you at Bart's in an hour or so then." Kairi replied and John gave a grunt of assent and then hung up. She turned to Sherlock who's mind was obviously buzzing. "Now what?"

"Dinner?" He looked down at her with a grin on his lips and she desperately fought the eye-roll. If she continued with so many eye rolls in such a short amount of time, her eye balls would be sure to roll right out of the sockets and down the street in protest.

"After _that_, you want to get dinner?" She chuckled and then reached down to grasp his hand in hers. "Fine, but maybe something vegetarian?"

He chuckled lightly, "I was thinking sushi."

She grinned, "I think I could handle that."

They walked back out to the main street and hailed a cab. Once inside and directed towards a sushi place owned by a veritable sushi Jedi that Sherlock had done some favor for, he decided to speak again, "Do you know how you can tell if a sushi restaurant is of top quality?"

Kairi glanced up at him and scooted herself a bit closer so she could lean into him, "No idea. Smells like fish? Has an old asian woman who is mean to all the customers? Those ladies are always my favorite…"

He looked at her with severe disappointment, "Absolutely not, such a smell is a severe indication that their fish is of poor quality. A respectable sushi restaurant would never smell of fish — it should smell faintly of watermelon, cucumber, and possibly vinegar." He paused and looked at her, "Mean old-asian women? Why would you go to a restaurant where they treat you poorly?"

"Maybe I just have a type." She winked, but he still looked confused. "Okay, _mean_ was the wrong word. I don't know, they are just old and they know their shit and they don't take kindly to people giving them attitude." Kairi laughed, looking up at him, "And a vinegar smell? How is that better than fishy smell?"

He gave her a cross look, "Quality sushi rice is always made with a hint of vinegar. Fish smelling _fishy_ means they've been left out too long. Watermelon and cucumber denote a cleanliness and freshness of produce used for specific rolls. All in all, a fishy, ginger-smelling place should be avoided at all costs."

Kairi scrunched her nose at him, "Well _hint _of vinegar is different from a place reeking of vinegar. God, you sound so posh sometimes. _Respectable sushi._" She mocked.

He glared at her, "I am _not _posh."

She grinned, "Are too."

He tutted at her and looked away, "Also, most of the highest quality fish is actually not fresh, but frozen for quite some time before its utilized."

"So, we pay top dollar for frozen fish?" She chuckled.

"No, you pay top dollar for parasite-free fish. You should be thankful, I don't think you'd want to wake up in a week and see a writhing tapeworm in your most recent bowel movement." He added sharply.

"Christ!" She screeched and hit his shoulder, "You are not making me want to go to dinner with you at all!"

He rolled his eyes, "Trust me, Noboru Kato is a prodigious _itame_. A master of his craft. He takes his sushi making extremely seriously. As per regulations, his fish is frozen well below zero by his own hand, sometimes for years, perfectly preserving the texture and taste, but ridding it of pesky bacteria and parasites. It's a necessary and common practice. I believe tuna is one of the only fish you can serve fresh, as it is an exceptionally clean deep-sea animal."

She smiled up at him, "Look at you, a genuine encyclopedia of sushi and murder. Who would have thunk it?"

He glanced down at her, fighting a grin, and lacing his tone with sarcasm, "Yes, it's precisely what I spend my spare time doing. Studying the intricacies of sushi preparation and effective ways to dispose of a troublesome corpse."

"You could combine it, like Hannibal Lecter - make people into spicy tuna instead of _foi gras_." She chuckled again. There they were, conversing easily and enjoying each other's company, despite the morbid topic. She looked up at him and then just stared at him, taking him in, squeezing his arm a bit when she wrapped her own around it, just solidifying that he was, in fact, truly beside her.

"Are you still trying to validate my presence?" He searched her features for a moment.

She sighed and shrugged, "I guess so. I've lived a year without you, Sherlock. I mean, I guess in my mind, you weren't ever really that far gone, but still… For a while, I kept thinking I had made you up. That it was all some sick joke."

He chuckled and leaned down and pressed his lips against the side of her face, "At the beginning, I was under the absurd impression that I was hallucinating my attraction to you. I thought I had lost my mind, I never though I had actually desired the vacuousness of romantic entanglement until it was thrust upon me in your visage."

She turned her face, pressing her lips against his in a kiss that was supposed to be chaste, but broiled with an undercurrent of passion, "Nice vocab drop, but try to refrain from insulting the fact that I am stupid enough to love you or visa versa."

He turned his body effectively, letting his opposite hand rest on her cheek, stroking it gently as he pulled her lips to his in a rushed sort of heat, "How could you be sure it was not an impostor if I did not behave as such?" He nipped at her upper lip and Kairi shivered.

"Dick." She muttered before letting her own hands shoot up around his neck to pull him closer.

They effectively entwined as much as they could, without Kairi outright climbing up onto his lap, and engaged in a kiss that was sensuous and almost equally violent and needy. Losing themselves in the taste of one another, gloved hands grasping at body parts not ensconced in heaps of clothing, lead them to groan into one another's mouths until the taxi stopped abruptly, jarring their lips from the kiss.

"Here!" The cabby said gruffly, obviously disinterested in their heated union.

With a chuckle from Kairi and a clearing of Sherlock's throat, they adjusted themselves and went to exit the cab, shifting uncomfortably in clothing far too existent than they wanted. Once out of the taxi, Kairi faced a small sushi restaurant seated on a relatively empty street. It was not a very fancy looking place, but it looked rather busy inside. When they walked in they were greeted with a chorus of "_Konbanwa_" from chefs and waiters alike. Kairi smiled and bowed, returning the traditional greeting with an elegant tongue.

Sherlock smiled down at her in appreciation and she returned the smile with a blush. He then searched around a bit, spotting Kato behind the sushi bar, vigorously working as he was wont to do. Upon their entrance the elderly man looked up, his face lined and stretching out with elation upon seeing Sherlock. The man muttered to his nearby itame who took over his duties and came around the bar, greeting Sherlock with excitement and adoration.

Kairi watched as the man she guessed was Noboru Kato, greeted Sherlock with utmost respect and honor. Whatever Sherlock had done must have meant a great deal to the man, who acted indebted to her detective. A flurry of Japanese was spoken, adoration and praise to Sherlock from Kato, and she smiled as the language clicked in her brain, pulling briefly some memories from her time in Okinawa with her family.

"_Kato-sama_, I'm pleased to introduce Kairi…" Sherlock turned, smiling down at Kairi who grinned, "My girlfriend." Kairi's eyes went wide at that.

She jolted back to the conversation and greeted Kato with reverence, bowing gently and thanking him for the opportunity to meet him, "_Ome ni kakarete kouei desu._" The man obviously thought highly of Sherlock and Sherlock returned the esteem, so it was important to impart her respect in return.

The itame looked at Sherlock with absolute glee upon hearing Kairi speak in his native tongue, "Sherlock-_sama!_ _Hontou ni ureshii_! Not only do you bring a beautiful woman into my restaurant, but she also speaks impeccable Japanese!" His voice was deep and joyous, he bowed to Kairi and returned her respectful greeting, not being shy about praising her speech. "Please, come to my station, I would be honored to serve you myself." He led them to the open span of the bar, pulling out their chairs and taking their jackets to hand them off to a nearby server. He was all smiles and cheer as he talked with them briefly about their lives and families. When he went back to the bar he shouted for a bottle of their finest sake to be brought out.

Kairi absolutely beamed at Sherlock, who seemed to blush slightly as he turned to face her, "Can I know what you did for this man? He treats you like a brother!"

Sherlock grinned slightly, "It was merely a case that ensured the safety of not only his business, but also his eldest son."

Kairi chuckled, placing a hand over his, "Well, good thing you did, I love sushi and I'm gonna milk this connection for all it's worth." She winked at him when a server brought out a small bottle of sake and placed it on the space between them and the chef's station.

Kairi thanked the server as Kato poured three shots of sake. He handed the cups to Sherlock and Kairi, raising his own glass to them. He praised Sherlock for his intelligence, his courage, and his generous heart. He also applauded Sherlock's great luck in meeting such a wonderful woman and wished only the greatest of lives for them. They nodded their thanks and drank their sake before Kato went about creating the greatest possible dinner he could muster.

When he seemed sufficiently busy, Kairi turned to Sherlock to speak in hushed tones, not wanting to disrupt other patrons, "So, Sherlock-_kun_, how are you so sure this is the Sandman?"

Sherlock looked at her curiously and she winked in response, "I was under the impression you wouldn't want to discuss murder over sushi, Kairi-_chan_."

A grin ticked at her lips in response to the endearment, "Well don't go into ridiculous detail or anything, I just want to be sure. I mean the guy has been MIA for a year."

He nodded as he sipped his water, "Oh, that we know of."

Kairi frowned, "What do you mean?"

He smiled as he looked down at her. He was relieved by her presence. He could talk to her at length about his cases, even dive into the aspects that made others turn pale, and she would almost always listen — unless she were being prurient. She may not always grasp his deductions or information that he divulged, but she was always interested and fascinated by learning new things. He appreciated her tenacity for understanding.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was keeping _busy_ the year I was away. We know he was determined for me to see his work since he sent the video to John's blog. I wouldn't be surprised if we got another one soon."

Kairi shivered slightly, "Ugh another video. You must feel so special." She glanced back at Sherlock who grinned, "So you think he's been active since that first murder — the retired officer?"

Sherlock nodded, "I would think that he may have been keeping himself entertained somehow. As you saw tonight, he is a creature of habit. This scene was relatively identical to the retired inspector. I think that exposé was important for _me_ to see — not specifically his own elaborate drive."

Kairi frowned, "But serial killers don't exactly go around changing their M.O. all willy-nilly. They tend to be almost frustratingly consistent with their methods. So how can you be sure its him?"

Sherlock stared into his water, a gleaming excitement in his eyes, "I just know."

Kairi shrugged, "Well, perhaps he had more planned before you went away. Something must have happened to change that — it could have been you leaving, but I don't think he's killing them for you. I think he just wants to show off — something that sounds terrifyingly familiar." She shot him a dark look and he chuckled, "Serial killers don't usually wait that long between kills, it usually gets shorter, not longer. So during the time you were gone, he had no one to _play_ with." She thought hard on that for a moment, "The spectacle wasn't needed, but the kill-drive was still there." She frowned. "Have you checked in with Lestrade about seemingly random, violent murders this last year?"

Sherlock nodded, "Too vague to really classify any. I doubt we could connect them to The Sandman in the end. However, that was a brilliant observation and application of your knowledge."

Kairi looked at him, surprised, "Are you being sarcastic?"

He finally looked back at her, perturbed, "No."

Kairi smiled, "So you really thought that was brilliant?"

Sherlock rose an eyebrow, "I would not associate myself with you if I didn't believe you to be superior to other people. I don't waste my time with mediocrity."

Kairi chuckled, "Is it weird that I'm a little turned on?"

Sherlock's features turned practically molten, "No."

Kairi scrunched her nose at him and waggled a finger, "That's the sake and empty stomach talking, not to mention the romance and excitement of a murder case." She chuckled and sipped some of her drink, "We are eating food and we are doing it now and then later we are going to a morgue where you can conduct experiments on a murder victim, make brilliant leaps of logic and insight, and catch the sick fucker who is eviscerating people and prove you're better than him."

Sherlock grinned at her, "That might be the most arousing sentence anyone has ever spoken to me."

Kairi rolled her eyes, "God, stroking your ego is like a straight-line to your penis." She shook her head and chuckled at him, "_Fact is_," She said with emphasis, derailing the topic from sex and body parts that she desperately wanted to touch, "if he took a break from chopping people to bits, perhaps it means a traceable event that might have occurred. Maybe jail time?"

Sherlock nodded, distancing himself from the absolutely furious torrent of desire curling in his gut, "Possible, but I'm not quite sure Sandman is part of the standard criminal class."

Kairi nodded, "Right, you think he's highly educated."

"I think he's close to a doctor with his knowledge of human anatomy." Sherlock frowned.

Kato interrupted with some plates of food which were happily and graciously accepted. Kairi and Sherlock went to work on their first hand-roll.

"_Itadakimasu_!" Kairi and Sherlock nodded to Kato and tucked in.

Kato seemed elated as he watched Kairi's eyes widen when she took her first bite. She made sure to be extra vocal about the roll's absolute perfection. He went about fixing their next installment while Sherlock and Kairi essentially stuffed face.

After her final swallow she turned to Sherlock who was delicately finishing off his last bite, "But you said there weren't any medical professionals that seemed like decent suspects in relation to the retired inspector."

Sherlock shook his head and swallowed and Kairi tried _really _hard not to be aroused by the bobbing of his Adam's apple or the tension in his throat as the muscles flexed. When his eyes met hers, he was fighting a smile and she just scowled at him. "No, possibly not a medical professional, but there are variants that could be relevant."

"What like a veterinary surgeon?" Kairi muttered a little jokingly.

Sherlock shrugged, "I'll have to do some research, but more than likely, a coroner. Not quite as busy as a surgeon, but still has adequate knowledge of surgery and human anatomy to make work of a body in such a manner."

Kairi scrunched her nose, "What about a mortician?"

Sherlock nodded, a bit impressed, "Yes, that is another line of work that would require relatively high knowledge of human anatomy."

"Ok, ok," She shook her hands a bit at him, "no more talk of cutting corpses." She shook slightly and glanced at Sherlock, "So, you want to tell me what you were doing in the past year at all?"

Sherlock looked bored, "Not exactly. It was," He paused, looking lost for a moment and then regained his mental footing, "utterly unexciting."

Kairi scowled, "Come on, _something_ interesting had to have happened."

Sherlock glanced at her briefly, "Not precisely."

She shrugged, "Fine, I can just regale you with tales of my past year, working with Mycroft and pre-teens and raising a puppy on my own."

He grinned at her a little painfully, "That sounds less tortuous."

Kairi smiled and began telling him about the last year. She talked about getting closer with Mycroft which seemed to make Sherlock very upset. She even mentioned emailing back and forth with his mother a few times which made him positively nauseated. She eased the tension by talking about her work with children and how much happiness it brought her. She thought Sherlock might like the kids, they were all pretty smart and definitely straightforward. She was teaching them computer skills and all of them seemed pretty eager at the opportunity to learn something that was relatively cutting edge.

Their dinner continued with many pleasing entrees from Kato and Kairi was absolutely ecstatic. The food was prepared perfectly, reflecting the traditional skills that she had been blessed with experiencing in Japan. She had always wanted to learn to prepare sushi, but it was a skill she was lacking in her cooking arsenal. She never could get the rolls quite tight enough or the rice just right. It didn't mean she wouldn't exuberantly consume it every chance she got though. Sherlock seemed pleased with the whole affair, discussing minor aspects of the case and asking her more questions about her time while he was away.

It was a comfortable sort of evening, spent with laughs from Kairi and small, sort of bitter chuckles from Sherlock when she managed to make him laugh despite his nature not to. They found conversation easily enough, sort of skating more serious topics for when they had time for each other privately.

It felt nice just to speak to one another, knowing that the other person understood you on a level that was different from most. They shared an odd closeness, an ease of spirit when they were with together no matter what dark secrets lurked in the shadows. They could switch from impassioned debates, to amusing jokes, straight to a comfortable silence without much thought and it was more than enough to make their reunion feel just a bit more than right.

Shortly after sharing a mango sorbet and an azuki mochi that Sherlock wasn't quite as fond of, but Kairi happily devoured, they got a text from Lestrade that the rest of their troupe were ready at the morgue.

Thanking Kato with gusto, they promised to return soon. He responded with elation and wished them a good evening with at least one hunger completely sated. They found another taxi and made their way to the morgue, kissing a bit heatedly in the back seat with Kairi giggling occasionally at the audacity of Sherlock's wandering hands.

Once at Bart's, their giggling entrance was met with awkward and interested glances from Lestrade, John, and Molly. Kairi remained smiling, but Sherlock went dead pan and then straight to work. Kairi decided to hang back a bit, not exactly dying to observe the autopsy in the way the rest of them were. She sat at another table and let herself think back on the day. An odd mixture of excitement, sadness, delicious sushi, sexual frustration, terror, and insanely good kissing — not necessarily in that order — had her thinking it was her best birthday yet. She watched Sherlock work, a warmth spreading through her as her happiness really intensified. He was home with her now, they both wanted to be together, and so it might just work. They still had a lot to go through, but if they could get through Moran and this past year apart and not absolutely hate the each other, then maybe they could pull through it.

She didn't make herself any promises, she didn't wish for miracles, she just wanted a chance to really be with him again. She wanted to just watch him work and savor his brilliance. She wanted to see him smile and hear his rare laughs. She wanted to walk in on experiments and odd smells and see him in the kitchen cutting up a body part with rapt fascination. She wanted to hear the odd noises coming from his flat at all hours of the day. He gave a sense of life to her mundane existence, a unique sort of excitement that catered to her small but powerful adventurous side. She wanted to learn and live and she'd very much like to do it all with Sherlock Holmes.

She was getting painfully close to bliss while Sherlock was away, but the uncertainty of it all left her in knots. In the end, she just needed to know if there was anything to this love lark. She wanted to know if she was capable of a real, loving relationship. She knew she could exist happily on her own and going to therapy was helping her reach a point where she felt like she was truly living, instead of just sort of passing through each year. If it worked with Sherlock, she'd be happy. If it didn't…Well, at least she could say she tried and then retire on a beach, own a little cottage on the sand where she'd take in stray dogs, form a traveling dog circus, and die happily in the sun knowing that she gave it her absolute best shot.

"Kairi?"

Kairi hummed a response and looked up at John, Molly, Lestrade, and Sherlock who were staring at her curiously. She jolted fully upright, ignoring the willowy sensation in her limbs and wiping the dreamy expression from her face. "What?" She growled.

Molly bit her lips to keep in her laugh and Kairi scowled at her.

"Tired?" Lestrade chuckled and John joined him.

She scowled, "Yes a bit. It's been a long fucking…" She glanced back at them, all looking terribly amused, and she sighed, "Yeah…" She stood abruptly and hopped off her stool, chuckling, "I'm gonna catch a cab home. I'm beat, I need my beauty rest and I've got a dog to tend to." Sherlock frowned at her and she did her best not to laugh at the petulant and childish look on his face. "I'll see you guys soon, right?"

John cleared his throat and threw a quick glance at Sherlock, "We still on for tomorrow night?"

Kairi saw the eye movement and sighed heavily, she wasn't going to press Sherlock on coming out with them, he wasn't big on social activities that didn't involve a dead body. Bringing it up to make him feel pressured to attend — not that he ever would — would be rude, "Yeah." She nodded to them all and then focused a soft look at Sherlock, "You mind walking me out?"

He stood quickly, looking annoyed as he ripped off his gloves in haste and made his way towards her. He grabbed their coats and handed hers over before he slid on his own. They wandered out of Bart's and onto the street in silence.

"I regret that I cannot accompany you home." He grumbled a bit childishly once they were standing still.

Kairi tried not to grin, "Nah, it's better that way. If I don't lock you out, you'd end up in my bed."

He eyed her wolfishly and she gave him a coy sort of smile, "Locks wont stop me."

She rolled her eyes at him, "No, but me saying 'please' might."

He sighed heavily and stepped closer to her, not bothering to call out for a cab just yet, "Yes, it would, as much as I absolutely despise the notion of denying myself your presence, your words will halt me in an instant."

Kairi smiled up at him, "Thank you." She got up on her tip toes and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was soft and innocent and Kairi pulled back sharply, surprising Sherlock.

"Wha-?" He began until she grabbed his hand and tugged him away from the curb and around the corner of Bart's to a shoddily lit alley.

She pushed him against the wall with a chuckle and then pressed herself against him fully, her mouth covering his and consuming him. His body responded with a violent burst of lust, like ignited thermite, and he turned them with a groan, pushing her up against the frigid stone of St. Bart's. Their legs tangled together so that their hips could be flush, their hands moved in a flurry of passion, touching every available body part within reach. Her nails scraped against his back, under his coats, but outside his shirt. His finger tips pressed into her buttocks, lifting her skirt up around her waist in order to gain access to the heated flesh beneath thin leggings. They were a mash of tongues and teeth and lips all furiously battling — not for dominance or anything, simply just fighting for existence, fighting to savor the sensation as long as possible before it got torn away from them for something feeble, like the need for air.

They parted and Kairi looked at Sherlock, her eyes positively smoldering, her mouth curled up into a deep smile, just for him.

"You are frustratingly adept at that." He growled and pressed his mouth against hers again.

She chuckled between his kisses, "Sorry, I need to take what I can."

He chuckled, "You may have anything you want, everything." His lips smiled against hers and she sighed against him, her fingertips now resting on his hips, pressing gently into the fabric of his shirt and pants.

She laughed now, dropping her mouth and resting her forehead against his chest. He simply pulled her closer, holding her tenderly, "I might just need you to make a recording. Something sexy and saucy for me to listen to until I somehow figure out it's the right time for us to have sex."

He sighed, "So there isn't some arbitrary time limit?"

She smiled and looked up at him, "Sorry Sherlock, when it's right, it's right." She saw his lips quirk with a grin, "And trust me when it's time, I will do everything in my power to exhaust you completely, in every fucking way I can imagine."

His eyes sparkled this time, mischievous and fiery, "Oh, I would delight in such a challenge Ms. Aria. It can be so frightfully tedious, being superior to everyone in every way."

She scowled at him playfully and got up on her toes again to kiss him, "You're lucky I love you."

He seemed to sigh against her, "Yes, I am."

She kissed him smartly again and they sort of wrestled against the stone wall for a few more minutes until they both emerged disheveled, but content. Kairi helped Sherlock sort out his hair and he had the decency to pull her skirt back down over her leggings before they walked back to the curb to call a cab. They shared one last decent kiss before going their separate ways.

Sherlock returned to the morgue a bit fuzzy brained, opening the door on harsh whispers that silenced upon the realization that he was back with them. He gave the inspector, his blogger, and his pathologist the darkest look he could manage as he walked back over to the corpse and Molly made herself look busy, while Lestrade toyed with his phone, and John straight up stared at him with the most amused, prickish grin he could manage.

"So you manage to get it over with that quickly?" John glanced at his watch and Sherlock scoffed at him.

"Dr. Watson, have some decency." Sherlock spat as he removed his coat and pulled out another pair of latex gloves.

John was still smiling, while Molly was intently focusing on the corpse. Though Sherlock assumed she was just waiting for an opportunity to chime in. He wouldn't even bother to look at Lestrade.

"What? Couldn't be bothered to at least take her home?" John was still grinning.

"John…" Sherlock snarled as he rounded the table.

John's tongue snaked out and caught his bottom lip, biting it in the amused fashion he demonstrated when he was feeling cheeky. It made Sherlock want to punch him. "No, seriously Sherlock, I'm surprised. I was afraid you and her would disappear for a week when you got back. I'd have to administer IVs to replenish fluids. It's good. It's healthy this way."

Sherlock shot him another glare and John raised his hands in surrender and backed off.

"Erm…" Molly began, directed at Sherlock who was standing across from her.

"For god's sake!" He spat and glared at her, "What the hell is so important?"

She smiled at him, more resolved and cheeky. Sherlock felt pleased and disappointed that she didn't fear him anymore, "Well, it's just — your shirt."

Sherlock sighed, "Yes? What about it?"

Molly smiled wide, "The bottom bit is unbuttoned and your belt looks like it's coming undone."

Sherlock growled out a curse and began the process of pulling off the latex gloves so he could fix his clothing while Lestrade, John, and Molly erupted into laughter at his expense.

—-

Kairi left with a very pleased smile on her lips. Undoing his belt a bit was a nice touch that she was sure he'd notice right away, but he hadn't. Flustering him was high on her list of priorities for a good life.

Once she got home, she tended to Toby and she went straight to bed — though sleeping wasn't exactly a planned activity until much later. It wasn't until after her first round "in bed" when she was sitting on the top of her toilet tank, smoking a cigarette, that the day finally hit her. After a lengthy fantasy session, the exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours and the other 8,760 hours before that, really sunk in. Sherlock was home and that simple realization meant worlds upon worlds of new things for them.

She loved him so very much. It was different, this type of love, not an infatuation, but a downright determination to be with the other person. She would do anything for him. Not in the maddened way of movies and books and TV, it wasn't like that. No, she would do _anything_ for him. She'd pick up his dry cleaning, help him with shopping, show him how to run his own damn laundry, she'd call him out on his bull shit, she'd tend to his wounds — physical or mental —, and she'd even help him boil eyeballs with minimal gagging… Kairi would do anything for him and she knew it.

What was surprising and horrifying at the same time, is that she knew he'd do the same. The evidence was in the details, but it was there. He had given her space when she needed it, he looked out for her, he talked with her and valued and devalued her opinions when necessary, he took her to eat sushi and talk about work and funny kids and stupid things on the telly, he bought them a puppy, and he ate her cupcakes and kissed her when she was covered in glitter and fake hair extensions… Sherlock already committed feats of undying courage everyday, but he'd do the mundane, he'd do the boring with minimal bitching, just for her.

It was enough to break her heart if she wasn't just so damn happy.

* * *

_**AN**_

_**Huzzaaaaah! Another chapter down, a little more fluff, and the reintroduction of our friend The Sandman! How are you all liking Kairi/Sherlock's interactions? Staying "in character"? As much as I hate the notion of that, especially when writing something purely fictional and in no way related to canon plot... However, I still would at least like believable characters... **_

_**Which may come into question in the next few chapters but I only ask that you bear with me :D My dear characters and renditions of characters have some shit to sort through...Yeeeeesh I AM keeping my promise though, this story is not about anguish and pain and finding solace in goodness of others, this story is about recovery and building... Think of it as Shakespeare's plays (I'm not comparing myself to him, only using his plot devices), the last story was a tragedy where everything started out rosy and great and then descended into misery, this one will be more of a comedy, where things start out a little awful and then continually grow to get better, until you'll all be rolling around in your comforters squeeing into glasses of wine or cartons of ice cream (not judging you, I do all of these things frequently). I promise, this is a story of healing and companionship. But shits gotta go down...**_

_**SOOOOOOOO as for the smutlock I proposed last week... I have it written. Its still in the throes of first-drafthood, but its still written and I cant wait to post it for all my fellow gutter-minded Holmies. Now, I might be just a BIT MEAN, because I am doing consistent updates, I'm hoping that maybe, juuuuuust maybe, I can be a little cruel to you because I'm not holding back chapters from actual plot. I think once I reach 100 reviews I'll post my smutlock which is an unabashed Dom!Sherlock and Sub!Kairi one shot. Its very different from what I have done so far in the form of fluffy smut (Smuffy? Flut?), but its none the less titilating and a bit raunchy...So... Help me get 100 reviews? Help my writing improve by being critical of what's happening between characters or if you find a flaw in my writing? I am taking great lengths to improve this story in its most basic form. Plot I can develop, however, I want to strengthen my use of imagery, presentation of characters, dialogue, descriptions of actions or behaviors, grammar and spelling, and the like. My husband is my beta right now and he's helping me with a lot but I also want to hear from readers as I feel you are the most important aspect of this whole ordeal.**_

_**Thanks for sticking with me and reading along. Its going to be an exciting journey! Much love my Holmies.**_

_**ps thank you flaming amber for the correction in Japanese language!**_


	5. Chapter 5

Sherlock laid on the couch, glaring at a cigarette clasped between his fingers. He'd stolen it the night before when he had Kairi up against the wall outside of Bart's. No doubt Kairi, would discover his small action and he'd hear about it later — yet another reason to be thrilled at being in London again: dealing with so many people. Though he had to admit, if he wasn't at the receiving end of her ire, she was enjoyable to be around. He smiled at that, he had missed her.

His mind went back to the case. The body was of a middle-aged nurse who worked at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital on Fulham Road who was as Lauren Shoehill. He had yet to interview anyone associated with the nurse as Molly would be finishing up her notes on the autopsy this morning. The scene was, of course, gruesome: her body brutally on display in Brompton park, not far from her place of employ and a cemetery. She had been piked down like the retired police officer, restrained and pliant for her murderer to do his bidding.

Of course, Lestrade was waiting for tests to return and for a team of lab assistants to provide inescapable evidence. It was not as if there were mountains of evidence to be linked to, but Sherlock was already well aware of who the perpetrator was. He was almost elated to see the familiar slices in skin, kerf marks in bone, the organized removal of particular organs, and the horrific display of the victim's innards. He had no doubt, remembering vividly the scene of the last murder, that Sherlock was observing yet another brutal crime from The Sandman. He lamented the fact that John had not received a video on the blog this time, but he was sure he would be receiving some sort of token in the next few days from his new adversary. The Sandman, like other serial killers, did love attention, and aside from Sherlock Holmes, that need would be his downfall.

He was still toying with the cigarette in his fingers, trying to draw a comparison between both victims. An odd choice for serial killers who tended to prey on the young, both the nurse and the retired officer were middle or later in years, both caucasian, and had scant family. With the delicacy of the evisceration, Sherlock knew the Sandman would be educated and methodical, most likely a true psychopath with a taste for the macabre.

His initial assumption that the Sandman would be an _Angel of Death_ was proving exceedingly unlikely as there were no Doctors that linked the two victims. The fact that the murders were more than a year apart — at least discovered murders — seemed to halt Scotland Yard's conclusion that the Sandman had returned at all. But if there was anything that Sherlock Homes knew fully, it was the minds of murderers. This was not the panic driven need for a man to assert his dominance or slake his lust or yearn for some sort of comfort, this was a challenge, this was a summons from one dark mind to another.

Sherlock would eagerly oblige.

Kairi had accompanied him to the crime scene but he was surprised when she approached the body with him. She stood back and observed him as he took it all in and began to memorize the complexities of the scene. She was either silent and thoughtful or chatting away with Lestrade and Donovan - who had warmed to her over the last year it seemed. She did not cry or shake, she was not fearful of the gore that she never directly looked at, but he could see the sadness in her features, a resolved frown to help in every possible way.

After dinner, they arrived at the morgue, meeting Lestrade, John, and Molly. Both of Molly and John had flashed their eager gazes between Kairi and Sherlock, who were allowing each other space and trying to ignore their friends' eager glances.

Sherlock knew they would quickly be approached and bombarded with questions revolving around their entanglement and he would be hard pressed to remain civil. It was not in his nature to even feel emotions, let alone discuss them. The fact that other people felt the need to be involved in his personal life was particularly repugnant. He was already stewing over the knowing glances he and Kairi had received upon arriving at the scene hand in hand. He would say he regretted the contact, but at this point in time, he couldn't. It was hard enough to return to his own bed last night and not break into her flat just to be near her. It was on odd feeling, having her in his presence again. It made him a bit desperate to hold onto her, as if she would disappear if he let her out of his sight.

He placed the cigarette between his lips, tasting the filter with his tongue and yearning for a light and his thoughts brought back to her. He was disappointed in hoping for the sweetness of Kairi's saliva as he flicked the tip of it between his teeth. He had managed to detach himself from her last night, allowing her a longer respite from their time together. It was infuriating, but the circumstances were far from something he could ask advice about. In this instance, he would defer completely to her. She did not seem hesitant to kiss him or to touch him, even if the contact could be brief and fairly tenuous. However, if it continued in this vein for much longer, her desire to _take things slowly_ was one that would end up driving him mad.

He had spent a year away from her, woken from barely restful nights of sleep to images of her beneath him, on top of him, next to him, she seemed to occupy every crevice within his mind. He did not dream of the time spent with Moran, he tried to keep such memories at bay, other than to know they were there and to be wary of them. It was not how he saw Kairi, broken and scared, no, he saw her as much more. He saw her as determined and caring, despite her first hand experience with the depraved nature of humanity. She was unique in many ways, from her furious stubbornness to her insistent empathy for others. For some reason, she could love him, she could forgive his mordant temperament and his volatile lifestyle that so many took exception to. She was a beacon, no longer hiding between the planes of a sordid existence and an imaginary life. He could see that in her now, her determination to live, not just survive.

He sat up and placed the cigarette on his tea-table and rummaged his mobile from the pockets of his dressing gown. He typed up a short message and waited patiently, his fingers steepled while he half thought over the case of The Sandman.

Not too long after the text, the bell to Baker Street buzzed and he trotted downstairs to open the door. The gangly, unkempt young man walked in behind him, shuffling his feet in worn sneakers. He followed Sherlock slowly up the steps and through the entrance of 221B.

"Please don't sit, this will be brief." Sherlock muttered as he stalked to the window, turning in front of it to face his company. "I'd like you to apprise me fully on your target."

The young man shifted, pulling at his oversized jacket, marred with dirt from the streets on London, "Well Mr. 'Olmes, since you've been away she'd been keeping plenty busy."

"Doing?" Sherlock narrowed his vision at the man standing there, scratching at his beard, flakes of skin coming off with each downward scrape of his nails.

"Working for your brother is one thing. Keeps tea with Mrs. Hudson most afternoons she's not working. She's been round to Bart's a lot for lunches with Dr. Hooper, talking with Dr. Watson when there's time." He glanced around Baker Street with wide eyes. "Watson wasn't too thrilled to move out, you know."

Sherlock rolled his eyes, "He'll be married soon," he spat with slight disgust, "It's no surprise that he must remove himself from Baker Street. The other option, Molly moving here, would have resulted in my ultimate demise. Estrogen is already overwhelming, it doesn't need Molly's exuberance."

The man sort of chuckled, "Yeah, lucky one you are, that Kairi -,"

"Ms. Aria." Sherlock interjected with a level tone.

"Right," the man huffed begrudgingly, "Ms. Aria is a nice bird. She somehow manages to get your brother to not be such a raging prick and she's real good with the kids."

Sherlock turned away again, "Have you noticed anyone taking particular interest in her?"

The man shrugged and scratched at the hair on his head this time, "Well aside from that copper she's been seen with, she's been keeping things relatively close, if you catch my meaning."

Sherlock looked back over his shoulder, "No, elaborate."

"Aside from when you first tasked me to watch for her, she's not really gone out much. Except for with Molly, John, and more recently, the detective inspector." He clarified.

Sherlock glared down at Baker Street through the window for a moment and let out a terse breath, he inhaled again as thoughts plagued him and turned sharply to face the vagrant, "Hm. How so?"

"Well, 'es been round a bit. Spent the night a few times back when Ms. Aria's mother passed. It was a dark time then, she was real torn up. The copper was almost always with her if they weren't working."

Sherlock scowled, a cold ferocity began to course through his veins. Inspector Lestrade, it seemed, had taken up residence with Kairi in the form of a companion. How far this relationship seemed to stretch was something that weighed on him heavily. Judging by their interaction the night before, remaining distant when they had always been rather physical and affectionate, it seemed there was something he was missing.

He wanted to ignore the pointed non-glances, the fact that Kairi shifted uncomfortably at his side when they all first laid eyes on one another, and the most infuriating aspect he had quashed was the not so subtle glance Lestrade had given her. The inspector was the most obvious: widened pupils, the thrum of his pulse against his neck was almost staggering when Kairi approached, not to mention the slight sweatiness of his hands. Kairi and Lestrade's movements easily fed off one another and they moved like people who knew and cared for one another greatly. All of these tiny factors were clicking away in Sherlock's mind and driving him into a white-hot rage.

"But her job's good. Seems the kids and her co-workers like'er." He interrupted Sherlock's inner seething, "No one shady — other than myself and Mel — hanging about."

Sherlock nodded in response, clearing his throat to push away his thoughts. "Good."

"Now that you're back, you want me to keep on her?"

Sherlock eyed the man, "Yes Wiggins, it's of utmost importance that she be kept under surveillance."

Wiggins nodded, then raked a hand through his hair, "You mind if me or Mel rolls by in a few days for a bath?"

Sherlock shook his head, "No, that's fine. I'm well aware you were doing it in my absence anyway."

Wiggins grinned a little sheepishly, "Yeah, sorry, I guess. Don't have many options for abandoned homes with working 'eat and water. It's a shame they tossed all your things. I was working my way through your fridge before it all went up."

Sherlock felt indignation broil through him when he thought of the experiments he lost in his time away. He looked at Wiggins with a cold stare and nodded, "As per our agreement."

Wiggins nodded in response, "Yeah, I'll update you if anything happens. Mel's on'er today. Got some gig with your brother at a real uppity type place. Investments or something."

Sherlock nodded, "Good day Wiggins."

"Good day Mr. 'Olmes." He muttered and was gone.

Sherlock paced momentarily, trying to quell the absurd jealousy raging within him. Nights spent alone, affectionate touching, signs of attraction, and awkward physical interactions; all of these things pointed towards one painful possibility.

One which he had to investigate right at this very moment while his suspect was away. Cold logic gripped him fully, quashing the torrents of anger that licked at his belly. He turned sharply and resolved to doing what he did best: discovering the truth.

* * *

"So, this is just a temporary assignment?" Kairi smiled, leaning slightly towards Mycroft in the back of one of his numerous sleek vehicles.

Mycroft, as always, looked slightly annoyed that she decided to waste oxygen in order to speak, "Yes, call it a favor."

Kairi's eyes went wide in surprise, "Whoa, are you telling me this is out of the goodness of your heart? I don't imagine you being big on owing anyone anything — much less a favor."

He gave her a pedantic sort of glare, "The client's father was a good friend of the British government and the family has gone through a great deal recently. My employer believes your expertise would be helpful in this situation."

Kairi let an eyebrow rise, "_My employer_." She joked, "I love it when you talk about yourself in the third person." He shot her a glare and she tried not to chuckle, he was supposed to be imposing, "It's not that I don't mind doing things for people in need or anything. I just haven't been on a house call in a while. I'm nervous that I've become feral without proper company around."

Mycroft let out a very soft snort, which was the closest he ever really got to a laugh, and gave her a knowing eye, "I would hope that you would purport yourself in a respectful manner."

"I'll keep my clothes on and refrain from stealing things, if that's what you mean." She smiled wide at Mycroft who rolled his eyes at her.

"One can only hope." He drawled and she just chuckled.

"So, Mr. Wentworth is the current C.E.O. of Plutus Investment Inc. and he needs to create a secure home network?" Kairi looked down at the very limited docket Mycroft had provided. It had basic information regarding Plutus Investment Inc., a well-renowned and world-wide firm that handled a lot of things Kairi had absolutely no interest in whatsoever. Banking and financials made her a bit sick to her stomach when she thought too much about it, but she at least understood the necessity for top-notch security whilst dealing with insane amounts of money and people's life savings.

"Yes," Mycroft nodded, "it's within my limited scope of care that Mr. Wentworth get the absolute best team for his needs."

Kairi thought hard for a moment and then beamed suddenly, leaning over and nudging Mycroft's knees with her knuckles, "Awwww, you said I'm the best."

He rolled his eyes again and shifted dramatically away from her touch, "You will be working with a team of computer professionals in order to make this system as seamless and safe as possible."

Kairi chuckled, "Sure thing Mycroft."

"We've almost arrived, make yourself presentable." Mycroft nodded to Kairi who gave him a sour sort of look. He sighed, "Get your fanatical sort of behavior out of the way now, so you don't act irresponsibly in front of your temporary employer."

Kairi scowled and then took a moment to look out of the window as they turned into the wide and long driveway somewhere in Oxford. That was when she allowed herself a gasp. Her hands planted themselves on the window and her nose pressed against the cold glass as she took in the Manor style home that they slowly approached. The gravel driveway beneath them was lined by large, pristine grass that stretched out to wooded areas on one side and an expanse of river on the other. The entire scene looked like something that was hand crafted from a Jane Austen novel and Kairi felt her heart fluttering in her chest. Regal fountains sat on either side of the drive, spouting water that shot up twenty or so feet into the air. Kairi would've tried to remember what it was in meters, but she was too busy freaking out about the main house to care.

The manor itself was resplendent: beautiful and captivating, while still leaning towards an air of intimidation and power. The thing somehow reeked of prestige and importance while seeming elegant and welcoming. If Kairi could ever live in a Manor house, it would be this one. With its almost cream-colored stone that shone brightly in the sunlight like the sands of a tropical beach and glittering windows like the ocean reflecting its rays, she could practically see herself walking the grounds, hand in hand with Mr. Darcy — Firth or Macfayden. She sighed heavily, allowing herself to gush and be embarrassing in front of Mycroft, because he had definitely seen her much worse. She would do as Mycroft told her to do. She'd get the embarrassing poor-romantic-girl routine out of her system so she could be professional and presentable for this new project manager.

The car parked in the large driveway and a man emerged from the home, older and slimmer with a stony expression on his face. He was a very unnoticeable man, long of face and body, with plain features and skin almost the same shade as his hair, combed in a side part across his skull. Kairi gave one last good shake to her limbs and cleared her throat, instantaneously making the shift between personal and professional. She sat patiently waiting for her door to open, her hands folded on her lap and her ankles crossed to the side. Mycroft climbed out of the car first and made his way around the vehicle where Kairi's door was opened by the faceless man. Mycroft offered a hand and she took it, guiding herself from the car with a grace only reserved for situations like this.

Guided through the illustrious halls of the manor in silence, Kairi was doing her best to keep in the girlish squeals and fawning sighs that wished to escape her lips. She was doing her damnedest to ignore the thoughts of grand gowns flowing around her ankles as she ran through the halls, hand in hand with some dark-haired man who read her sonnets and bought her ribbons. It was an entirely girlish fantasy that had consumed her wholly upon walking through the doors, inhaling the pungent history of the Wentworth family that she knew nothing about. Save for the fact that they were old, old money from a long and powerful line of British pageantry. She was desperately fighting the romanticism.

Mycroft nodded to her and Kairi hoped that it was an approving nod and she was behaving within his set parameters of "respectful" and giving "trashy American" a wide berth. She followed him into a very large room set up as an office. Before her jaw had a chance to drop, she clenched it shut and tried not to look at the vast amount of books lining the shelves or the gorgeous woodworking carved into the walls of the study. This was the most gorgeous room she'd ever stepped foot in. She was expecting a man in an Ascot, swirling a snifter of brandy with a pipe hanging from his be-mutton-chopped maw to step forward and claim ownership to the land.

Almost painfully clashing with the atmosphere, was the set up at the far end of the room that gave Kairi a set of tingles for a different reason. A large, wooden desk had atop it a littering of some of the most expensive machinery known to mankind. The computer tower on the desktop was tall and sleek and barely made a sound as she approached it, connected to the most expensive and highest quality monitor Kairi had ever seen. She let a smile escape her, knowing that these even out shined some of Mycroft's fanciest machines. One of which nestled comfortably in the leather bag hanging from her shoulder.

As they approached, Kairi finally realized that there were actually humans in the room as well and she was now being introduced to them.

"Mr. Wentworth, it's a pleasure to see you again, despite the circumstances." Mycroft smiled as he reached his hand out to greet Kairi's newest employer.

Kairi had to do her jaw clenching again when she took in the youngish man who was turning to greet them. He was tall and slim and dressed impeccably in a cream-colored suit that clung to his frame with absolute perfection. She felt her heart hammer about in her chest and did her best to shield herself from Mycroft's glances. The last thing she needed was her boyfriend's brother mentioning the attractiveness of her new employer and how it affected her. She was human for christ's sake, she had no control over who she found aesthetically pleasing! It wasn't her fault that they didn't notice things like that.

"Ah," Mr. Wentworth intoned upon seeing Mycroft, "My apologies for not meeting you at the door. I was in here discussing the project with Mr. Givers, who just stepped out. It's always a pleasure Mr. Holmes." He smiled wide and genuine, with perfect white teeth, his gently tanned face bearing slight stubble that suggested a ruggedness he probably did not have. His face was one of the most welcoming things Kairi had ever seen, with a strong, straight nose over amazing lips that caused her chest to tighten. His green eyes were gentle and caring upon first glance, disarming her completely, and resting upon the prominent apples of his cheeks that stood out when he smiled. His relatively short chestnut hair sat shaggily upon his head, giving him a boyish and friendly bearing. He was absolutely gorgeous and Kairi felt horribly uncomfortable with her boyfriend's brother standing next to her, putting her in this position.

"Mr. Wentworth, I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Kairi Aria. She is the one that I've told you about." Mycroft smiled, gesturing for Kairi to step forward.

Doing her best impression of a mature adult, Kairi stepped forward with a soft smile, reaching her hand towards Mr. Wentworth and trying her hardest to ignore the spark of recognition and excitement on his face and the horror in her gut registering that Mycroft had been talking to people about her. Especially wickedly-handsome-rich-men-who-live-in-Mr.-Darcy-houses type of people. "Absolute pleasure to meet you and I thank you for the opportunity to work with you as well."

He gripped her hand and gave her a slight chuckle, "Ah, the brilliant American!" He beamed and Kairi tried not to blush as he moved closer to her, taking her in but doing it in a way that didn't make Kairi uncomfortable, "I'm sure you'll have my problems fixed in no time, with the way Mycroft talks about you."

Kairi smiled as he squeezed her hand, warming her a bit and causing her to bite back her furious blush, "Oh thank you sir, I'm happy to help in any way that I can."

He waved his large hand at her, treating her casually and friendly, "Pft, please, don't bother with that 'sir' business, call me Terrence." He smiled and then gestured to the computer set up behind him, "You'll meet Mr. Givers in a moment, you'll be working with him most of the time. He's my main tech at Plutus so he'll be helping with navigating through all of our, uh, well, whatever it is."

"Servers?" Kairi chuckled and Terrence walked her over to the desk.

"Yeah, that." He joked and then glanced back to Mycroft, "Mycroft, the study down the hall is available if you'd like to stay and wait for Ms. Aria to finish. Otherwise, I have a car that can take her back into the city when we are done here."

Kairi glanced to Mycroft who looked still and stoic as always, he eyed her for a brief second and she smiled and gave him an almost imperceptible nod. "Thank you Mr. Wentworth," He gave a small bow to Terrence, "I do have some business to attend to back in the city and I'm sure Ms. Aria will be fine without my supervision."

She tried to keep her eyebrow in check at the teasing and she was shocked out of her minuscule seething fit by Terrence's hearty chuckle, "I'm sure she's more than capable Mycroft. You wouldn't have brought her if not."

Kairi gave Mycroft the sweetish smile she could muster while delivering her backhanded statement, "Yes Mr. Holmes, I'm very capable of keeping your offices afloat through everything it sees. I'm sure this will be a walk in the park in comparison. I'll try to be speedy so you won't be without me too long."

Terrence chuckled, "Oh, she's cheeky."

Mycroft gave her a pedantic grin, devoid of all warmth, "Charming as always Ms. Aria."

Kairi nodded, "I've learned from the best, Mr. Holmes."

Mycroft fought the grin on his lips and he turned to Terrence and nodded slightly, "Good day."

Terrence beamed again, "Have a good trip Mycroft." And as Mycroft left, Terrence turned back to Kairi and smiled at her again, "I have to admit that's the closest I've seen Mycroft behaving like a human in my entire experience with him."

Kairi chuckled, "Oh, don't get any ideas of him going soft, I've simply worked very closely with him for some time and we get along outside of work." Kairi's eyes widened to saucers at the implication and then sputtered, "I mean I know his family! Not that we…" She put her face in her hands, "Oh, god."

Terrence chuckled and then gestured to the computer, "Well, I don't need you to be eloquent, I just need you to fix this for me. From what I've heard, I'm not too worried."

Kairi smiled as they walked over and stood behind the hulking desk, "You really should feel a bit honored, I think that's the longest amount of time I've ever behaved professionally in my entire life. I'm a terrible adult."

He grinned at her, his eyes shining as he took her in, leaning against the desk with such a casual tilt that she'd almost think it was practiced, "Well, that is something I can definitely understand. Being an adult is hellishly boring."

Kairi smiled and when her eyes met his there was a painful sort of spark that flew through her system. The broiling shame in her gut caused her to turn sharply to place her bag on the desk, ignoring the moment of unbridled sexual attraction. She cleared her throat, hoping that she wasn't glowing red with embarrassment. She so desperately needed to get laid. She wanted Sherlock, she knew that and had no doubts about it, but her caged lust was seeping out and starting to infect all aspects of her life. Some nights, her toaster was starting to look pretty good.

At that moment another man walked in. He wasn't nearly as tall as Terrence but he was taller than Kairi - which really isn't that difficult to manage. He was dressed rather casually, in black slacks and a sweater vest over an Oxford shirt. He had ginger hair and a freckled face that was attractive enough, but standing next to Terrence Wentworth made just about anyone look plain. Kairi smiled gently at the new man, trying not to think about all of the testosterone in the room that seemed to be strangling her, as Terrence cleared his throat and stood to his full height.

"Ms. Aria, this is Mr. Henry Givers." Terrence smiled and Henry walked behind the desk and over to Kairi, looking nervous.

"Hello Mr. Givers, please call me Kairi, It's a pleasure to meet you." She smiled wide and reached out a hand. He took it slowly, licking his lips as his eyes flashed up and down her body very quickly. Kairi tried to ignore it. It wasn't easy to hide a curvaceous frame, even when wearing modest clothes. Soon enough she'd establish that she wasn't just some buxom bimbo. It just so happened her brain had somewhat of an attractive casing — something she was fine with admitting these days.

"Hello Kairi, please call me Henry, nice to meet you too." He added in an accent Kairi was sure was Scottish. Her heart gave a happy little leap at that, though her guilt increased ten-fold. He pulled out his own laptop and went around the desk to sit in the chairs on the opposite side. Kairi followed suit, brushing past Terrence who gave her an awkward sort of nod, just trying to be friendly as he made room for her to maneuver, but it ended up looking devilishly charming. Kairi stifled her screaming hormones and sat next to Henry who gave her his own sort of acknowledgement in the form of nervously wandering eyes.

Terrence eyed them both as he leaned his hands on the desk, looking very business-like suddenly, "Now that you're both here, I suppose we can start discussing what I need from my computer system at home. Thing is, I have to be able to access all of my information from my study as if it were my station at work. Because of the nature of the business, I also need it to be completely and utterly secured. I don't want to handle any client's information without perfectly ensuring its protection and safety."

Henry nodded and began typing away, Kairi sat a little nervously, not hearing anything to warrant taking notes and feeling like a child in class who was missing the point. So she looked back up at Terrence who was staring down at his computer and her fingers twitched in her lap.

"Well, the simplest option would be a remote desktop." Henry stated but Kairi wasn't so sure she agreed.

"That would give me access to all of my information on my work computer?" Terrence looked to Henry who was busily typing away.

Kairi felt a little silly at her nervousness, but decided to pipe up, "It can, but depending on your safety restrictions they can be a huge pain to deal with. I'd like to take a look at both systems if possible, it can give me a better idea of what I can do and what we are dealing with. I'm guessing that Henry has a very high level of security already in place at your office. I wouldn't want a remote desktop to mess with what's already in place."

"That's somewhat true." Henry sounded sincere, if maybe a tinge annoyed as he stopped typing and flashed a nervous glance at her. He cleared his throat and went back to typing, "We can probably arrange for you to come by later this week or early next week."

"I can make that happen." Kairi smiled and then looked to Terrence, "Is your main office in London?"

He nodded to her, "It is. I'll phone Mycroft sometime and see when he can let you go."

Kairi replied, "That should be fine. I also work part-time at a school, so either early morning or late afternoon, after five p.m., would be best for me."

Henry was still clicking at his keyboard, "Late afternoon or evening might be the best time, that way we wont interfere with any of the servers during the mid-day traffic."

"Sure, I'm guessing you guys do mountains of business each day, I wouldn't want to disrupt it too much." She smiled at Henry and he grinned back, a tilt to his eyes that made Kairi want to blush. She must be secreting pheromones with Sherlock back in town. That's always how it seemed to go with people, they started noticing you when you were already with someone. How annoying.

"It shouldn't be a huge problem, Kairi." He glanced back at his laptop and typed into it again. After a minute of silence, he continued on a different vein, "I'm thinking HOB would be a good option for software — at least a base for something if we decide to build from scratch."

Kairi thought on that. Though building software from nothing would probably take a good amount of time, especially something she was only half working on, it would be the wisest course. "I think building from the ground up might be best." She looked over to Terrence who was watching them both intently, "It may take just a bit longer, but in the end you will have something perfectly tailored to your needs."

"How long do you think?" Terrence looked at Kairi now. His heavy eyebrows furrowed as he focused on her, genuinely interested in what she was saying and not just eyeing her like a piece of meat.

The idea made Kairi a little giddy. It was difficult for women to break through the glass ceiling, especially in technology fields, but here she was, basking in her competence and having other's recognize it. She decided to shelf those thoughts for later and she replied, "Well, I can give you a better estimation once I get a view of your systems in-house, but when will you need it?"

She watched Terrence purse his lips, a shadow forming over his features for a moment as he looked just a bit sad, "Six weeks. That's when my presence will be required at home for the unforeseeable future."

Kairi nodded, "I think six weeks is possible, but I'd have to probably devote a lot more time to it. Unless Henry here is familiar with writing software?"

He shook his head, blushing a bit, "Not from the ground up. I was hoping we'd be able to find something purchasable that would fit our needs, but you bring up a valid point with security concerns."

Kairi tried to quash the grin itching for dominance on her features, "Well, I'm sure that I can find someone to replace me at the school for a few weeks, I can talk to Mycroft about days he thinks he will need me, but otherwise I'll do my best to get this ready for you in six weeks. Looks like I'm the commodity you need to purchase and it's just your luck that I'm for sale." It took her a few seconds to realize the idiocy of her comment and her grin immediately vanished.

Terrence nodded, still looking a bit wan but chuckled at her, "Good to know. Thank you."

Kairi smiled stupidly, "Uh, you're welcome. Would you mind if I hunted around a bit on your computer to see what I'll be dealing with?"

Terrence smiled wide and gestured to the computer, "Yes of course, please take your time."

Kairi nodded and stood, carrying her laptop over and setting it next to the expensive, ergo dynamic keyboard like the one she had in Mycroft's office. "While I do this, Henry, would you mind getting me some basic information regarding the security protocols at Plutus?"

He smiled at her, "Working on it now."

She looked up at him and smiled back, "Thank you." She pulled out her glasses and slid them onto her face before leaning over the computer and beginning her process. She closed herself off to the conversation Terrence and Henry were having regarding system information that could be supplied without threatening the integrity of their security.

Kairi delved deeper into the machine, examining what she'd be working with and how to utilize it in the most efficient way. It was a very nice computer, set up with hardware to make even the most skeptical PC gamer drool with delight. It was a workhorse, but sleek and upgraded for maximum performance. Someone paid good money for this machine to function as perfectly as possible and she was thankful for it. It was running the newest version of all softwares that would be good to have for a businessman and Kairi felt like it would not cause her many problems in the future. She'd like to open it up and take a look at the guts, but she would probably save that for a day she was working alone. She didn't want to freak out Terrence by going Dr. Frankenstein on this beautiful monster.

"You know, would it be possible to head into your offices today? Just so I can take a look at what I'll be dealing with. I'll still need to pop in next week for a more in-depth glimpse at your software and servers, as well as discussing precisely what functionality you require, but this might give me a chance to clarify what I'll need to start mapping out a course of action." She glanced up at Terrence whose face was open and kind and then to Henry who was gazing at her almost reverently.

"Yes, I think we can arrange that." Terrence smiled, "We can take my car."

"I'll ride with you." Henry seemed to jump at the opportunity and then he shifted, blushing nervously while he glanced at Kairi, "Oh, but my car is here."

Terrence tried not to chuckle, "You'll follow us then?" Henry nodded, looking a bit dejected, but recovered with a clearing of this throat and straightening his posture before nodding.

After gathering their items, Kairi slid on her coat and her trusty bag over her shoulder as Terrence guided her through the home towards his garage with Henry following a bit behind.

"Your home is lovely." Kairi smiled as they walked.

"Thank you, it's been in my family since before historians can remember. I believe a great great great great granddad was the one who commissioned it." He glanced at her with a nervous grin, "Not too ostentatious?"

Kairi chuckled, "Well it's historical. History is known for being a bit eager to impress. It's not as if it's the only Manor in existence. I have to admit, though, its breath-taking. Lavish maybe, but not pretentious." She said as she glanced around the marble halls, "Not that I've been in a lot of homes like this, but it's very nice. I imagine growing up here was a unique experience."

He chuckled a bit, "Well that's what you could call it. I grew up in the lifestyle old money buys. I had horse riding lessons, we went hunting constantly, swim courses, and dance classes. My siblings and I had etiquette training and all that — fat lot of good it did me." He gave her a wry smile and Kairi tried not to enjoy it.

"Where are your siblings then? I imagine your lives gave you great opportunities." She smiled wide, interested to hear what kind of things his family accomplished.

He cleared his throat and the shadow across his features returned, "My brother passed away a long time ago and my sister is in school at the moment trying to figure out her life." He gave her a sad smile.

Kairi frowned, "Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss." She reached out her hand and placed it gently on his shoulder and he gave her a thankful glance when he realized she wasn't going to question him further on the topic.

"Thank you." He nodded and then opened a fancy looking door, "This way please."

Kairi walked in, followed by Henry and Terrence. She couldn't help the slack jaw as she gazed out at the largest collection of vehicles she'd ever personally laid eyes on. Her father had been a big car buff and so she had a vague familiarity with a lot of classic and luxury vehicles. However, her interest generally waned after the classification of fast and pretty. The collection was not disappointing in that department and she looked back at Terrence who seemed to blush.

"My, this is an impressive collection of vehicles." She sounded a bit breathless staring out at the millions of dollars worth of horsepower within the garage's walls.

He chuckled, "Yes, my father was a big car man. I tend to only care if it runs nicely and has a nice sound while I'm accelerating."

Kairi smiled, "Yeah, my dad was into cars as well. I'm in the same boat as you though, if it looks nice and goes _zoom_, I'm pretty much sold."

Terrence chuckled at her again and turned to Henry who was looking a bit bitter at being left out of the conversation, "Henry, you like cars don't you?"

His head shot up at the mention of his name and he looked to Kairi with a gleam in his eye, "Yeah, I've always been into cars since I was a kid —parents weren't too eager about that. I love taking engines apart and seeing how they run and all that."

Kairi smiled, "That's awesome! Get me inside a computer and I'll show you some magic, hand me a wrench and tell me to fix a carburetor and I'm lost."

Henry nodded, "Well at least you know what a carburetor is."

Kairi chuckled, "Sorry, I know it _exists_, but I couldn't tell you what it looks like if you paid me."

He smiled wide, his pale cheeks flushing a bit as he looked at her. The younger man seemed to be a bit taken by her and Kairi did her best to be nice, but not too inviting. Its one thing to entertain the idea of a cute accented co-worker or her handsome temp-boss, but giving into those ideas when she had a boyfriend was not something she was comfortable with. It's perfectly fine for attraction to occur, but letting those feelings affect you is when things went awry.

"Well, let's get going, it's going to take us an hour or so to get back into the city. Thankfully we will be missing traffic." Terrence grinned and ushered Kairi over to a gun-metal grey car that made something in her pants set fire. "I hope you don't mind, this one is my favorite."

"Do I mind?" Kairi beamed, practically shaking with excitement and then she paused and tried to regain her composure, "It's a Ferrari 575!" She wasn't doing a very good job at it. Terrence chuckled as Henry sort of slinked away to hop into his BMW M5, "Oh a M5! I'll ride with you next time! I had a friend in school who was obsessed with those." She directed her statement at Henry who turned back to flash her an excited smile before getting into his black car with a grin on his face, feeling a little bit cooler.

Terrence smiled back at Kairi, "You ready?"

She was positively vibrating, "Hell yeah."

"Now you sound like a real American." He chuckled as he opened her door. She got in and inspected the interior, appreciative and ecstatic to see a proper manual resting on the middle panel of the car. Terrence walked around the car with long strides and a boyish grin on his features before he slid in, all long legs and fit arms sitting and looking perfectly happy behind the wheel of the beast. "Shall we?"

Kairi tried not to be too giddy as nodded ecstatically, sitting in a car worth more than all of her life savings that she knew went really, really fast, thanks to Mr. Jeremy Clarkson.

On the drive over, Terrence showcased a bit of know how while driving and Kairi was elated. She would love to get behind the wheel, but driving a machine like this would probably cause her to go into a full-fledged panic attack. She could drive manual easily, though she'd been out of practice since living in London for the past few years. She enjoyed walking when it wasn't pissing rain and usually, if she had to be into work with Mycroft on a stormy day, he'd send a car around to pick her up. It was nice having fancy jobs where she got to ride around in Bentleys and Ferarris all day long. Sure beats boiling frozen thumbs.

"So, Kairi is an odd name for an American." Terrence finally piped up over the purr of the engine.

Kairi chuckled, "My mom got to name me and she was an imaginative person. Kairi is french for melody or song. My dad got to name my sister and she's Heather. He was less imaginative if you can't tell, I think it was his mother's middle name."

Terrence let out a chuckle at that, "Well it's not bad having a unique name. I am Terrence Arthur Wentworth the somethingth. A traditional, family name passed down for generations."

Kairi smiled, "It's a nice name, strong and sounds imposing."

He shot her a quick grin as they zoomed down the country roads away from his home. "Ah, I'm not too scary."

Kairi chuckled, "No, not really. I've met much worse."

He laughed at that and then gave her an appreciative smile, "Ha! Knock me down a peg or two. Either way, thanks for being so nice to Henry. He's a very smart young man and I'm happy to have him. He can get a bit…" Terrence paused and glanced to Kairi, "Well, he can be a bit intense with some people. He's a great kid, though, absolutely brilliant but his personality can suffer some. I recruited after my father's passing and he worked his way up through IT the last five years."

Kairi nodded, "Sounds impressive. It's not the first time an IT professional was a bit dumbstruck by me showing up. It's unusual for women to get into technical fields and it's only been recently that I've been able to sort of fan out and lend my expertise in meaningful ways. He's what? Mid twenties maybe? It was dumb luck that landed me a spot with Mycroft, so Henry deserves the accolades if he's worked his way up the ladder that quickly."

Terrence nodded, "Well it isn't dumb luck that you come so highly recommended and I think he may just be a bit amazed, hearing your qualifications. Like you said, the technical work environment isn't exactly overflowing with beautiful women who know what they're talking about." He halted his speech and cleared his throat, looking at Kairi in shock, "Oh I'm so sorry. Forgive me, that was horribly inappropriate."

Kairi shifted in her seat a bit nervously, "It's… Well, yes, a bit, but I'm not upset."

He looked fully ashamed now, "I really apologize, it's absolutely unacceptable addressing you like that. You are an attractive woman, but that's not…Oh, damn."

Kairi chuckled, "Thank you for your apology. I'm not ignorant to my looks or my style. I know it's not precisely what people envision when they think of a computer specialist. However, I don't merit my abilities based on my looks. I base them on my skills and I am the best at what I do."

Terrence cleared his throat again, "Yes, you came recommended for your skills, nothing else, I assure you of that."

Kairi sort of chuckled a bit, feeling sorry for Terrence's blunder, "Well, I should have. Mycroft wouldn't know a pretty woman if she head-butted him."

Terrence sputtered out a laugh, "Well, that may be true." He joked.

They sat in semi-silence for the rest of the way, piping up here and there with small bits of conversation that eased back into thoughtful silence. Kairi tried not to look over at Terrence too much. It wasn't as if she could really fault him for what he said. She'd found him wickedly attractive as well and it was just her ability to keep her mouth shut that separated them. Well, that and the fact that Kairi had an almost boyfriend who just returned from a year of being abroad in some god awful place and she had towers of crazy to sort through. She tried to clear her mind, shoveling away her personal issues until an appropriate time to deal with later. The last thing she needed was to think of Sherlock and missing him and kissing him and…

Oh hell, she was getting all worked up with the hum of the engine, the beautiful man sitting next to her, and thoughts about the man she loved all dancing to a samba of hormones in her blood stream.

She couldn't wait until after work when she could have a drink with Molly, John, and Lestrade.

* * *

_**AN**_

_**Hooray! Another chapter down! I know this seems like filler, but it will be important for the plot along the way, I swear. What do you think of Henry? Of Terrence? I imagine Henry as sort of Simon Woods ish (Pride & Prejudice 2005, Mr. Bingley) and Terrence is of course Lee Pace (Pushing Dasies, Thrandruil, because reasons *drools*)... I don't know if you like "casting" or not and if I ruined it, I apologize, I'll keep my stupid mouth shut next time.  
**_

_**I hope to hear all about your thoughts and interpretations about the scene of Sherlock and Wiggins (YAAAAAAY WIGGINS!) as these next few chapters will be much to think about. Like I said, I'm not a spoiler, but I'll answer any questions you have in vague attempts to placate some of you ;D**_

_**Still waiting for 100 reviews until I publish smutlock! Perhaps if we get to sixty on this chapter, I can give you a TEENSY sneak preview for it! Either way, another chapter next week!**_

_**Hope all is well with you my Holmies. Take care!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Sherlock opened the easily picked lock of the flat and walked inside, a simmering sort of anger was heating his veins as his feet took deliberate steps. He stood in the center of the room, letting himself take in the small reminder of sentiment that the owner supplied. He inhaled slightly, smelling the stale aroma of persons being recently present. It was the sort of smell that tickled a familiarity in his nose, the odor of skin, soap, and tinge of sweat, all mingling together with the sharp pang of coffee. He closed his eyes for a moment and took in another deep inhale, not noticing any scent out-of-place. As he opened his eyes and glanced around again, he felt the familiar adrenaline surge through him, heightening his senses, sharpening his sight as if to capture everything in perfect completion.

He took mild steps to the sitting area and stared at the arrangement for a moment, observing every inch of couch and the dark wood of the tea-table. He walked slowly, brushing his gloved fingers over the soft material, looking for anything that would support or refute his suspicions. He circled the piece of furniture, dipping his face close to the corduroy, his eyes ticking over every single cord of twisted fiber. Along one side of the headrest, closest to the armrest, he noticed strands of hair curled in on each other. Knotted together as one, proving their presence for some time, as if they had been sat upon and rubbed against to mangle their natural state of ease. Their presence was not completely surprising, but heat spiked in his gut nonetheless, and he felt himself clench the padded material of the couch.

He straightened to his full height and stepped in front of the couch, adjusting his position to mimic the tenant and sat down in the same spot, lifting his feet to simulate a lounging person. He placed his heels on the coffee table and felt the edge of it dig into the top of his Achilles tendon. He let his head fall back a moment, wiggling himself into a relaxed pose and he took a deep breath as he sat for a few beats of silence. He fully felt his setting, trying to imitate the countenance of the resident and their possible guests with his body. He exhaled raggedly, recoiling his muscles and tightening his frame to its usual configuration before standing and walking away from the couch to head towards the kitchen.

He walked through the familiar area, opening cabinet doors and inspecting the contents, rummaging slightly and placing things back to their exact location. Everything that was within the shelves seemed to coincide with his theory and fit the tastes of the owner of the flat. Cereal, pasta, all sorts of dried and canned items meant to last a while. Nothing too fresh, as that would not fit in with a person who worked a lot and was away from their home most days.

He found what he was reluctantly searching for in the cabinet adjacent to the fridge. There was a small rack there, fitted with bottles of red wine that ranged from cheap to moderately expensive. Probably meant to be saved for celebratory instances. His blood went from simmering to boiling in a few moments as he walked over to the cabinet he previously saw wine glasses in. He inspected them closely this time, noticing that there were shallow, smaller white wine glasses, rarely used, but most likely purchased for company. The ones that held most of his interest were two tall and wide Pinot Noir glasses. He pulled one out and held it up to the light filtering in from the windows. The clear, cheap glasses were dusted with accumulated water spots. He gripped the wood of the cabinet with deadly force, the grain creaking beneath his fingertips, like his heart seemed to careen in the grip of his rage. He placed the glass back inside the cabinet, turning it just so, to match its previous position.

He felt a growl forming in his chest and he slammed the cabinet with so much force that the glasses within rattled and clanged together. He took a deep breath, flexing and rolling his shoulders, trying desperately to ease the tension that was fueled by his anger. He looked around the apartment, one he had stolen into many times before, one that he had used to his advantage when a particular person was being annoying. At this point, the rage, welling within his gut and clamping down on the lungs within his chest, was beginning to blind him. He shook his head, his cropped curls falling onto his forehead and he reached up with a shaking hand to push them away from the clammy skin. For a moment, he felt like gripping the curls and shouting, expelling the warring emotions that threatened to choke him.

Snapshots of the last few days started to flow into his mind uninvited. He shut his eyes and decided to focus on them, picking out every definable detail he could from each moment. In such a short time, almost all had been revealed, but he was too dumbstruck, too distracted to notice them. The way mouths twitched, caused by the cadence of overwrought speech; the hesitant glance of anxious eyes; and distance between bodies so often held close and with affection. He seethed for a moment, berating himself for allowing such an insipid belief to completely overcome him. How could he, of all people, have been so stupid?

He stalked away from the kitchen, his feet leading his unfocused gaze in the direction of the room he least wanted to inspect. The knowledge found there would either release him from this turbulent vexation or fold within his mind and destroy him. When he centered himself, he was staring at an unmade bed, somewhat uncharacteristic of the resident, indicating the haste in which they left earlier in the morning. He stared at the messy sheets and took a step towards them. He wanted to examine them, but the lump in his throat caused him to stop himself. He couldn't, not at this moment. He turned sharply and walked over to the only other door in the bedroom.

His hand reached out, halting slightly before grasping the knob. The intellectual part of his brain urged him to reach forward, to grasp the cool metal and turn it, granting him access to a room that held the knowledge he would need to confirm his suspicion. However, this new part of him, the one he wanted to despise, but secretly cherished, begged him to turn and run away, to search himself for compassion and understanding. That part of him, the empathetic part, was knowingly whispering how the turn of the cold, brass knob could possibly be the turn of the knife in his back. It knew very well how this betrayal could bring him to his knees, bring his world crumbling down.

The moment of hesitation was gone as quickly as it came. He steeled himself, his demeanor going absolutely frigid against the welling of his heart. He would not be cowed by sentiment. His most important trait was this, the cold grip of logic, silencing the heat in his veins in one fell swoop. He gripped the knob and threw the door open, stepping inside and flipping on the light. His eyes took in the entire room, inspecting it closely as if a crime had been committed there. He stepped forward, closing in on the sink and knelt swiftly, whipping open the cabinets and finding the average components of a resident who lived a simple life.

As he pawed through the paltry contents, he reached out and his hand hit something that caused him pause. The plastic of the bag crinkled against his skin and he gripped the slick material and yanked it out, fear written out plainly on his features as he read the familiar script of a nearby store. He reached his hand in and his fingers touched two items, the smooth cardboard of a box and the cold, crisp paper of a receipt. He pulled both out and felt all the air in his lungs expel from his body with a dangerous force. Heat radiated through him as he gripped the box that almost went unnoticed and pulled it fully into his view.

He held the item in his grasp, staring down at the familiar thing which wielded a hefty metaphorical weight in his hand. He glanced at the receipt, his eyes moving rapidly over the pixelated text and he felt bile rise in his throat. The weight of his discovery struck him in the chest with so much force that he fell back, sitting heavily on his heels as his vision went blurry and his thoughts all sunk into the icy waters of his despair. He pulled in a wavering breath that stung his throat as he stared at the simple box and a worthless piece of paper that spelled his complete ruin. He placed the items back in the bag and his hand slowly extended and he placed the box back where it belonged.

He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at nothing and everything all at once. His heart seemed sluggish, tired within his chest and his stomach churned with an anxiety he had not felt in a very long time.

_Hurt_.

He felt _hurt_.

A cold wisp began to thread itself through his limbs, taking control of the weak appendages and standing him up, like a marionette on string. He gripped the countertop in his hands, the biting sensation prickling down to his fingertips as they strengthened their hold on the cool stone.

He stood straight, a slow breath escaping his clenched teeth as he adjusted his coat, all the while glaring at the weakling in the mirror. He stared into the reflection now, watching as the dark eyes mirrored the cold rage that sewed itself within his mind and body.

He turned in his usual manner, a stiffness to his frame that had been absent for some time. As he walked through the flat, ensuring that his presence would remain undetected, he slowly began to feel like his regular self again, ignoring the faltering heart within his chest and focusing only on the evidence at hand and the truth now revealed.

He looked around the apartment one last time with calm breaths. The familiar setting did nothing to him now, save causing disgust to come out as a sneer. He walked towards the exit, never intending to look back on the familiar home, and he opened the door with a flourish, slamming it behind him as he stalked towards the street to find a cab.

Although the rest of the activities did nothing to bother him, the slam of the door caused Toby to raise his head at his other master's hasty exit. He laid his head back down, closing his eyes and exhaling a deep breath, unaware that he was just witness to the second time Sherlock Holmes' heart broke.

* * *

"Oh, you can't actually believe that!" Kairi shrieked, hitting Lestrade on the shoulder as he sipped his beer, causing some to dribble out of his mouth. She sputtered out a laugh, Molly and John almost coughing up their drinks in response as they sat at the bar of Northumberland Arms, consuming a decent amount of booze.

It was a quaint little pub, sitting on the corner of Goodge and Charlotte Streets. A refined sort of dank place, established prior to any of the residents' being a twinkle in their parents' eyes. A bright red patterned ceiling expanded above them and locals littered the seats, enjoying the game and sipping on pints. It was all old woods and cushioned chairs that seemed to predate Kairi's life on earth. Smelling of pipe tobacco and cigars, though smoking had been outlawed indoors, the entire pub felt like another time, a time from long ago with waistcoats and brimmed hats and long sleek coats. It was dark and somewhat noisy, but it was perfect and lovely and they served Kairi's favorite beer: Dragonhead Stout. She knew it was a bit of a piss on the establishment that she didn't drink their ale on tap — at least that's what Lestrade kept telling her — but the stout was magnificent, plus, well…dragons.

She took a sip of her beer and Lestrade recovered gloriously, wiping his mouth with his sleeve as he chuckled, "No, I swear on me mum, the Irish bastard actually took down a pint glass like nothing. They do bottles of Guinness or some shit from the womb."

Kairi rolled her eyes at him and glanced at Molly and John who were chuckling. "You're just bitter because he drank you under the table." She threw back at Lestrade.

Lestrade shot her a dark look over the edge of his glass as he sipped.

"You know, I wouldn't be surprised, I had a man in my unit in Afghanistan, the night before a bunch of us were shipped off we all got pissed - so very pissed," John laughed, a small hint of sadness creeping in on the corner of his eye, "- he was pounding pints of some shit-beer like it was water."

Molly giggled, "My cousin is quite the drinker. One time, we all went to some high school party together and he got up on a table, and God bless him, the idiot had a pint of something horrid and he lifted it up, all ginger and freckled and yelled 'To an Irishman this isn't a pint glass it's a shot glass!'" She recanted in a horrible Irish accent, "and then he chugged it down in three seconds. I was mortified, but a little impressed."

"I don't know, I think I could put some of them away if I took them head on." Kairi chuckled.

"You would wisp away into nothing." John reproached her jokingly.

"Probably piss yourself too." Lestrade added with contained laughter and Kairi swatted at him.

"I used to be a formidable alcoholic until I started therapy and went all _mentally stable_. I'd take you on!" She growled, poking a hard finger in Lestrade's chest and he grimaced, rubbing the tender spot left by her tiny digit.

"Oi! You don't want to challenge an Englishman, we've stepped up our game since the Irish started infringing on our football. We've got to keep them subdued somehow." Lestrade joked, "Look, they're trying to infiltrate by posing as cute little Americans now!" He trailed some fingers in Kairi's hair and she grabbed his hand and put it back in his lap, leaning towards him and laughing.

"Oh, football, _football_." She mocked, "Give me a real man, one that plays rugby!"

Lestrade frowned, "Hey, I played rugby!"

Kairi shot him a pedantic sort of frown, "Give me a man that played rugby _well_!"

He tutted at her and turned back to the game, sipping on his beer as Molly and John laughed.

"So," Kairi turned and eye the would-be bride and her groom, "you guys have what? Seven months left?"

Molly smiled nervously, her cheeks flushing brightly as she glanced at John who was watching her with adoration in his eyes. "Yeah, everything is coming together perfectly. I can't believe it."

"Still need to do a tux fitting, John." Lestrade mumbled while staring up at the TV.

John seemed to sigh heavily, crumbling in his chair and laying his head on the arm that stretched out on the bar, "I don't know how we're going to get Sherlock into a tux. The bastard actually has to wear a tie!"

Molly leaned over to Kairi and elbowed her in the side, causing Kairi to yelp in surprise. Kairi turned to Molly who waggled her eyebrows and Kairi snickered, leaning in to whisper something back her.

"I mean INTO a tux, not OUT of a tux, you tramps." John sounded entirely done with that topic of conversation and Kairi and Molly just giggled louder. "Christ, you two…"

"We've still got to find bridesmaid dresses." Kairi nodded to Molly, who looked slightly stunned. She reached out a hand and placed it gently on Molly's shoulder, "It's just me and your cousin, Janine. I'm sure as hell not picky! And Janine is lovely or else you wouldn't have asked her to be your bridesmaid. All will be well Molly, I promise. Things haven't been too bad thus far, right?"

Molly nodded and took a heavy sip of wine to quell her panic, "Well no, but now that Sherlock is back, I'm sure he has an opinion on everything."

John just chuckled, "Well it's not his wedding, is it?"

Molly looked over at John who leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips, "No, it's not." She smiled gently at him, biting her lower lip as they gazed at one another.

"Who's wedding is it?" John muttered, smiling as he cradled her face.

"Ours." Molly chuckled, feeling sheepish.

"So, we don't need to worry about what Sherlock wants, do we?" John smiled.

Molly shook her head and kissed him soundly, "No, we don't."

Behind them, Kairi and Lestrade began making gagging and retching noises, causing them to turn in horror and then burst into laughter as they watched Kairi and Lestrade make animated movements about how disgusted they were with Molly and John's almost robust public displays of affection.

John tutted, "Children…" Molly just shook her head and blushed wildly.

They all sipped their beers — Molly, with her wine — and stared at the telly, John and Lestrade entranced for the moment with the game and Molly and Kairi sort of staring off into nothing.

Molly finally leaned into Kairi while the boys were sufficiently distracted, "So, tell me…"

Kairi scowled playfully, "Tell you what?"

Molly's eyes went wide, either with horror or with rage, Kairi couldn't quite tell, "Tell me what happened between you and Sherlock, of course!" She rasped.

Looking at the brazen pathologist, Kairi chuckled slightly, "Well, there honestly isn't much to tell." She muttered and Molly actually laughed at her. Kairi scowled again, "Look, he came back and surprised me, so I sort of attacked him. We've kissed, heatedly, but that's about it."

Molly rose an eyebrow.

Kairi sighed heavily, looking at Molly who wanted details. They had become more open with their sexual lives over the past year and Kairi had to admit, it was pretty fun making the pathologist blush. "Well," Kairi leaned in a bit closer, whispering, "we haven't had sex, if that's what you're getting at."

"WHAT!?" Molly actually screeched, causing Lestrade and John to look at her in shock. Kairi was beaming bright red and Molly was staring at Kairi with what looked like anger in her eyes. "Bzzzt!" Molly waved at Lestrade and John and they both went back to staring at the game and ignoring the girls. Molly scooted her chair closer to Kairi and leaned in, looking fierce, "You are telling me you've gone a year without that man and he shows up and practically throws himself at you and you _turned him down_?"

Kairi was a little scared, she'd never seen Molly so positively seething. "Look, I just… I'm worried." She replied weakly.

Molly rolled her eyes so drastically Kairi was surprised she didn't flip off the back of her stool and continue to roll out the door, "You've got to be kidding me!" Kairi frowned at her, a bit childishly, "Listen to me Kairi, that man is stupidly in love with you and we _all_ know Sherlock isn't stupid about _anything_."

"I know, I just-,"

Molly put up her hands, "I'm not saying _force_ the issue. If you are nervous, that's perfectly fine, but don't hide behind something that's not true." Molly looked disappointed and it burned Kairi slightly. "Don't hide behind your fear of Moran." Kairi's breath halted in her chest but Molly reached out, grabbing Kairi's shoulder and refocusing her, "Sherlock is _not _that bastard."

Kairi nodded, her eyes tearing up a bit, shocked back into reality by Molly's use of a curse word, "I know that, I do. I'm just…" She paused, words lost in her mind and stuck in her throat. Kairi's chest tightened and she felt a burning in her gut that refused to unfurl, "God." Kairi put her head in her hands and felt like she might sob.

"Oh shit!" Molly hissed and then wrapped her arms around Kairi, "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot when I drink! My stupid mouth, oh Kairi…"

Kairi chuckled, swallowing her tears and foolishness, "No, it's all right." She looked up at Molly and smiled through glassy eyes. Out of nowhere she felt a hand on her and she looked over to see Lestrade, still gazing up at the TV, with his arm extended, his hand rubbing her back in his comforting way. How he always knew when she needed him the most was terrifying, but it was a blessing. She looked back at Molly who looked mortified at her outburst and Kairi chuckled, "No, look, it's okay. Don't feel bad, I just… I don't know, I'm all over the place. He came back without a warning…"

"Yeah, I know that feeling. He disrupted a date of mine when he came back to life last time." John muttered and Molly and Kairi shot him a look. He wasn't supposed to be paying attention.

Kairi sighed heavily, "He came back and I'm a bit flummoxed. It feels like he was never gone, but at the same time, I also feel like I barely know him! He's been gone for a year Molly! How am I supposed to know what he's thinking? How am I supposed to feel? I'm different from it all, is he?" Kairi added a bit frantically and Lestrade pushed her beer towards her, pretending not to listen. She shot him a dark look but thanked him anyway.

"Oh Kairi," Molly muttered, "that's always how Sherlock will make you feel. He's just so…" Molly waved her hands about, trying to find the words, "I don't know, _invasive._ He's just all or nothing sometimes."

Kairi nodded, "I know that, it's just…" She took in a deep breath and then a long sip of beer, "I know that, but I just… God, I _don't_ know. I want him _desperately,"_ She heard John's throat clear and Lestrade shifted, obviously a bit uncomfortable on the topic, "Piss off! If you don't want to hear, stop eavesdropping you nosy old crones!" She hissed at them and they just chuckled. She focused back on Molly, lowering her voice, "I want it to happen, I'm just…"

"Scared?" Lestrade chimed in and Molly, John, and Kairi all shot him a look. He shrugged it back at them and sipped his pint, "What? I've been through relationships before! Just because I'm all machismo and testosterone doesn't mean I'm not quite intuitive and generally emotional."

Kairi snorted at that and leaned into him, wrapping her own arm around his waist for a moment and squeezing him tight. "You big softy."

Lestrade chuckled, kissing Kairi on the forehead, "For you, anything love."

Kairi smiled wide and sat up straight, wrapping her hand around her beer for a long pull while everyone looked at and not-looked at her expectantly, "All right, I'm scared. I'm scared _shitless_! Even if I feel like everything is okay between us, I just feel like we are pretending that there's no elephant in the room, but there is. It's giant, it's fucking grey, and loud and it's taking up all the space in the fucking room!" She almost yelled and between her huffing breaths Lestrade leaned in, Molly too, and hugged Kairi. She continued in a small, shaky voice, "I don't know how to explain to him everything I've been through."

John cleared his throat, not one to be overt about his affection, except of course, when it came to Molly, "Look Kairi, you know Sherlock, but I know him better. Thing about him is, he takes everything in all at once. He is capable of acknowledging what happened to you," Kairi hadn't told anyone about the specifics of their time with Moran, "He's able to look at you and see _you_." Kairi felt her breath halt and she looked at John, her eyes full of tears that went unshed, "He sees you exactly as you are Kairi: you are strong and resilient and intelligent. You are wonderful and he knows that. No matter what happened, no matter what you did, he sees you and he loves you. I know it." John clenched his jaw, his lips going a bit pale as he clamped them together, trying to fight the emotion welling in his chest. He loved Sherlock, his best man, his best friend, and he cared greatly for Kairi, the brilliant, empathetic woman who would do anything for anyone. He would deny it to his dying day, but he wanted Sherlock to be loved and taken care of. If he couldn't be there to help him all the time, Kairi was the next best thing.

"Thank you." She muttered softly to John and he nodded, rapping his knuckles on the bar and then turning back to the TV.

She felt Lestrade's arm around her again, pulling her to him. She folded into him, feeling his lips press against the top of her head as she curled up in his comfort. He was always there for her. The closeness she had with Molly was one thing, but other than her, as her best friend, and Sherlock, the man she desperately loved, there was Lestrade, the person she utterly trusted. Faintly, she heard the bell ring at the front door and as she turned, curiosity and a bit of hope drove her to see if Sherlock would decide to grace them with his presence. But before she could, the bar erupted into madness and she was utterly distracted by the chaos.

Everyone was shouting with glee as something happened on the TV. Both her and Molly were a bit clueless as they glanced at Lestrade and John who were both shouting and turning and high-fiving each other and other regulars in a manly fashion. Most of the other bar patrons were also cheering, a loud cacophony erupting over the din of Kairi's thoughts. She chuckled slightly, happy for the opportune turn of events that took the focus from her pathetic meanderings. She was turned towards Molly who was shrugging her disinterest into a glass of wine when she felt Lestrade's arm around her once again and his lips against her ear as he spoke, since the room was still enveloped in the sound of elated sportsmen.

"Want another one?" He chuckled softly, happiness obvious on his features and his eyes practically sparkling as Kairi turned to look at him, their faces merely inches apart.

She couldn't help mirroring his excitement, he was infectious that way, so she smiled up at him and leaned in to his ear so he could hear her reply, "I'd love one, thanks!"

* * *

Sherlock stalked down the street with utter, burning purpose. He had decided to walk to the pub where he knew they would be. He was positively charged in this moment and sitting in a cab seemed to be a waste of his energy. People were leaping out of his way, throwing curses at him from every direction but he ignored it completely.

The surge of righteousness that was flowing through his veins was euphoric. There was nothing in the world that made him feel better than being right. Yet again, he had bested someone and he would eagerly destroy them with the truth. He chuckled to himself as his feet carried him across the cement, an old sort of comfort resonating through him as facts ticked through his brain, solidifying the knowledge raging within his mind palace. For the first time in years, he felt like himself — like Sherlock Holmes was meant to be.

He turned the corner and he paused, his facade crumbling only slightly as he looked into the windows of the pub and saw the group of what he once thought of as _friends_. John, Molly, Kairi, and Lestrade were sitting at the bar, the latter closest to the door. He inhaled tightly, watching as they all smiled in frivolity, letting the vapidness of human existence bastardize their intelligence.

How many times had he been so utterly unimpressed by they way they all seemed to be so negligent when it concerned the world around them? All of them wasted away, so concerned with shagging whoever, falling in love, and letting their lives be consumed by the unimportant.

Sherlock would no longer fall victim to such hollow diatribe. The importance of friendship, of companionship, was a red herring. This life had no other purpose than _the work_. He had let himself be side tracked by the stupidity of human relationships. He didn't need anyone in his life. He was perfectly capable of functioning, of dominating the world he lived in without the _benefit_ of companionship and love.

Mycroft was right. He had always been right.

_Don't get involved._

Sherlock had said so himself, sentiment was a chemical defect, found in the losing side. He was not faulty, he was not weak. Sherlock was a victor, a viper. He had no necessity for sentiment. He would reframe his thinking, purge his life of those around him that weakened him, and refocus on what he was meant for: murder, crime, deduction - that is what he was made for. None of this absolute drivel of relationships with other people. He had no need of it.

Despite his ardent lack of need for companionship, he watched as Lestrade's arm curled around the frail shoulder of the woman he violently protested he loved. He watched her lean into his former friend and it burned him.

He tried to reason that it was not jealousy that was raging within him. It was not anger, it was proof, it was the evidence of their absolute lack of propriety, their lack of decency, that made them so common, so detestable. How could he have ever believed that they were worthy of his trust?

He took a deep inhale, watching as she folded into that man, looking perfectly content. It made him sick, watching him kiss her softly on the head, seeing people so desperately blinded by emotions and physical weakness. He scoffed, practically needing to spit because of the bitterness on his tongue. This was abhorrent. _They_ were abhorrent. Simple humans, so limited in the scope of their abilities, so absolutely tiny and insignificant. He was superior. He was _better_.

He opened the door to the pub, bells jingling, signaling the entrance of his superiority. The bar erupted into pandemonium, people screaming and cheering about something completely inane on the television. He didn't care, he had the truth, he had bested secrecy and lies, and he had uncovered all he needed to know to prove that he was in the right. He was the champion of truth and evidence. All of these people, chuffed over something as laughable as a sport, obsessed with something so _inferior__._

He smiled something dark, knowing and confident and he strode forward, but something caused him to falter, to pause.

He watched as Lestrade leaned in, his arm, again, draping around Kairi in familiarity. His lips pressed against her ear, smiling lips that dared grace her skin. He said something, obscured by the auburn hair in loose waves around her head, but she turned, smiling wide, staring at him, the insipid, bumbling detective chief inspector, in absolute _adoration_. Their faces were merely an inch apart, their mouths, so close they could kiss. Her smile mirrored Lestrade's as she leaned in and her lips whispered her response, and Sherlock felt rage burst forth from the dam in his heart and he charged forward as Lestrade's arm fell from Kairi's shoulder.

He approached in their blind spot, slightly behind, slightly to the side. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come as his pain became his lifeblood. With long strides, he came closer, he anchored his weight to his center of gravity, planting his foot firmly as his other leg raised, bending slightly at the knee. He leaned back to gain more force, to drive every iota of his fury through his muscles as they extended. Using every ounce of power from his hip and all of the purified rage coursing through his system, he kicked out, striking at the bar stool Lestrade was seated on, sending the chair flying in the other direction. In the short span of time it took for the chair to move from beneath Lestrade, Sherlock reached out, incensed by this common man's audacity in taking what was rightfully _his_, and gripped Lestrade's shoulder firmly within his fist, and used his momentum to propel the abhorrent man towards the hardwood floor.

Lestrade's back and head connected with the hardwood in an instant, rebounding with such a sharp thud that it reverberated through the pub, silencing the rampaging cheers over the football game. He gasped in a breath that would not come, his diaphragm seizing in his chest from the force of the blow. It was only after the thud that people heard the clatter of the bar stool as it flew into a table, knocking many glasses askew, glass and liquid contents crashing against the floor.

"SHERLOCK!" John bellowed and flew at him. Molly screamed. As if time finally caught up to them, the world seemed to spin out of control.

Sherlock tried to push John away, his eyes boring into the man on the floor who was now gasping for breath. He smiled, in a small, petty way, as he watched Lestrade wheeze in a paltry breath, his eyes widened in fear and pain as he lay almost motionless on the floor, staring up at Sherlock in shock. This perfect vision, seeing Lestrade subdued was marred by one thing.

_Kairi_.

Kairi hopped off of her stool and immediately knelt next to Lestrade. She looked at him, frantic and worried, her eyes welling with tears as she looked up at Sherlock, "Why-?" Distracted by another ragged breath from the DCI, she moved closer, "Are you okay?" She said to him in that sweet, misleading voice, her fingers tracing over Lestrade's face and chest with affection. The sight of her pale fingers against his chest made Sherlock bristle, a growl forming low in his gut that burned as it rolled up his throat. Lestrade nodded to Kairi, motioning to his abdomen, indicating that Sherlock had done exactly what he wanted. He had knocked the wind from the detective and effectively incapacitated him. If not for John holding him back, Sherlock would have gladly landed another strike, leaving the imprint in the form of a size eleven boot print on the side of his head.

His reverie was stunted by the sight of Kairi on the floor, holding onto Lestrade and telling him to breathe easy. As he looked at her, pain radiated from his core and he tried to quash it, but it was too much as he watched her, sitting there, bare knees down on the filthy floor of the bar, her skirt hiked up to her thighs, cradling _that_ man in her arms, while Sherlock stood there, practically _bleeding_ in front of her.

His breathing was ragged and he surged against John again who held in him place, saying things that Sherlock could not hear.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you!?" Kairi snarled at Sherlock, rage in her eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked down at Lestrade who had the tiniest trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. "Why did you attack him?" She stared at Sherlock again, desperate and afraid.

He suddenly felt _nothing_.

Sherlock chuckled then, surprising John who had a grip on his lapels. He used this moment as an opportunity to disengage himself from this entire situation. His lifted his arms in a swift movement, bending at the elbows and jutting them down to break John's hold, causing him to cry out as Sherlock struck at the tendons in his forearm. He growled as he shoved John away, forcing him to careen into a table, knocking it back few inches as John steadied himself against it, rage pure on his features as he glared at Sherlock. Sherlock gladly returned the livid scowl.

Sherlock went still in that moment, looking down at Kairi as if she were a piece of trash on the street, a bothersome wrapper stuck to the bottom his shoe. He turned sharply, fully disgusted with this entire interaction. He removed himself from the bar and intended on returning home. He knew she would follow and he had much to elucidate for her.

Kairi watched as he disappeared and she looked at John and Molly who were staring after the shadow of the consulting detective. She looked down at Lestrade who was pulling in breaths much easier now. He sat up slowly, with Kairi's help and John materialized on his other side, after pulling himself from the rage he felt towards Sherlock.

"I've got him." John muttered and tried not to look at Kairi.

"Why-?" She glanced at Lestrade and he stared back at her with a gaze full of emotion. She could feel it then, burning guilt inside of her chest at the realization. She looked back up at the doors, quiet and still as if Sherlock had never appeared, "I've got to go…"

Molly jumped up as she stood and grabbed her arm, "You mustn't, he's having a fit! He just attacked Greg!"

"Molly, I need to talk to him." Kairi looked back down at Lestrade who grimaced as he stood with John's help.

"Let me get Greg sorted and I'll come with you." John muttered and Lestrade faltered.

"Oh!" Molly gasped and went to Lestrade's side as he knelt, breathing heavily.

As they fawned over Lestrade, he glanced up at Kairi whose eyes were shining with tears, her face a mask of misery and he nodded, inclining his head towards the door, telling her to go in silence.

She nodded sharply and ran for the door, grabbing her coat on the way out as Molly and John shouted after her and Lestrade pretended to flounder a bit more severely than he needed to.

As Kairi hit the cold air of London, she gasped, her chest tightening as her mind swam. She looked around and couldn't see Sherlock anywhere nearby. She turned, grabbing at her hair and letting out a small sob. She didn't know where he would go, what he would do. She only knew that she needed to find him and talk to him.

She would do anything at this moment, just to speak with Sherlock Holmes and so she ran. She ran as fast as her short legs would carry her — damn it all if she tripped and fell. No physical pain could be worse than what she was feeling at this moment.

* * *

_**AN**_

_***dodging rotten fruit and chards of glass* I PROMISE I TRIED TO POST THIS YESTERDAY BUT THE WEBSITE WAS BEING A TURD - Thankfully it was fixed and here we go :D**_

_**Ok...We have a few options... I realize this is a cliff hanger. I realize you may hate me and are confused and possibly hate just about everyone in this story...Here's what the deal is: The next two chapters NEED to be released together or at least very close by. This is two rather long chapters, upwards of 10,000 words - probably a lot more than 10,000 words to be truly honest - as we discover WTF is happening... So... What I can do is either post BOTH chapters next weekend on friday, **_**together**_**, OR I can post one chapter midweek, say Wednesday and the next, on friday... I have a feeling there will be a lot of emotions and opinions... *Shields Kairi and Sherlock, wrapping them in bubble wrap and giving them candy and ice cream and kisses* Please let me know what you think with either reviews or PMs... If I don't get input, I'll just post both chapters next week.**_

_**Being a little evil again, but as promised, I think I've got smutlock pretty decently completed. I'm waiting for a few of my familiars in life to check it out for me as this is a new form of writing for me and I want to portray it accurately. However, for those who leave reviews within the next week (on friday) I will send you a little teaser for smutlock ;D **_

_**Let me know what you are thinking, how you are feeling, and if you need to be wrapped in bubble wrap and given ice cream and candy and kisses... Pls don't kill me...See you next week!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Kairi skidded to a stop in front of Baker Street. Her chest was heaving from the cold London air that burned her lungs. She stared up at the building, the one she thought of as home, and she felt dead on the inside. She watched the windows of 221B, hoping to see Sherlock, playing his violin or pacing in front of the glass in fury. She just wanted a glimpse of him to know what she should expect, but there was nothing.

She hissed out frightful curses, running fingers through her hair and gripping the roots as panic welled within her chest. She was trying to breathe, to focus, to rein in every dark thought that was strangling her, but it was almost impossible. It wasn't until she glanced at her own windows and saw the light on that her lungs finally leaped to life and absorbed the oxygen she was sucking in. She stumbled forward, tripping up the steps as she pushed the against the door and ran towards her home, tearing off her jacket and tossing the sweat riddled item to the side.

The entrance to her flat was wide open and she halted herself at the entryway, her eyes searching around to find Sherlock standing alone in her kitchen. She almost breathed a sigh of relief until she noticed what he was doing.

He was fully clothed, coat and all, standing in her kitchen like a looming shadow, all black and gloom, his face taught with frigid detachment. She took a step forward and wanted to say something, anything, but her voice was frozen in her throat. He was holding a simple wine glass, holding it up to the halogen lights on her ceiling, staring at it intently as if it were the most interesting specimen he had ever come across.

"Sherlock…" She finally got out through her panting breaths.

"Large amounts of calcium and magnesium deposits left on the glassware." He stated quickly, refusing to look at her as he turned the glass in his fingertips, inspecting in the light.

Kairi frowned, opening her mouth to question him, but he continued.

"Water spots — to the dull," He grunted, "most commonly caused by hot water being left to evaporate from the surface of the glass when exposed to high temperatures." He muttered and then squinted his eyes, taking in the glass further, "This glass wasn't put in the dishwasher though, where hard water is usually the culprit for such imprints. This glass was hand washed, in hot enough water, but not fully hand dried. It was left out in the cold air." He looked at it curiously, thinking for a moment, "Although, if there were a fire going, the heat contained in the room could have been force enough to help the residue form." He placed the glass on the counter and crouched, giving it a level stare as he planted his hands on either side of it to observe further.

"Wha-,"

"Judging by the size, amount, and consistency, I'd say these spots were merely forty-eight hours old. Recently used, recently washed, recently left out to dry." He stood sharply and reached back into the cabinet and pulled out a smaller glass, Kairi staring after him with confusion written across her features. "Comparing it to this glass, which looks horribly unused, not for days and days it seems, but that one," He pointed to the mottled glass on the counter, "is in frequent use. Can we deduce why that is?"

"I don't understand." Kairi whispered watching him walk her through her own home as if it were a crime scene.

"That was rhetorical. Please don't speak while I'm making deductions, your idiocy is particularly degrading to my mental process." He snarled without looking at her. "We can deduce that this glass, with its wide bowl and slight taper near the top is intended for chilled white wine. Its said that the wide bowl and the taper, in junction with the long stem, are intended to keep the wine cooler for longer periods of time — necessary for a white wine as red wine is not meant to be chilled. Except, of course, to an _inferior_ pallet which may prefer it. The wide bowl," He said gently whirling the glass in his fingertips, as if there was a perfectly delectable liquid within, "is intended for the drinker to appreciate the signature aroma of a white wine, specifically Chardonnay for this type of glass, since it's rather shallow."

He put the glass down and picked up the next one, leveling a cold stare at Kairi who was biting her lip to keep from crying, "And this glass, oh, this glass is unique." He shook it in her direction gently, now staring at the stemware and averting his eyes from her, "This glass has a short stem, shorter than most actually — obviously intended for red wine, since it is not meant to be kept cold — and a tall bowl, wide at the bottom and more tapered at the top. The wide bowl is, like the other glass, intended to contain the aroma of the wine," He swirled the glass in his hand and brought it to his nose to inhale with closed eyes, "a true sommelier appreciates that sort of thing. The taper, making the glass almost pear-shaped, is intended to guide the wine towards the tip of the drinker's tongue, where there is more sensitivity to sweetness." He narrowed his eyes at Kairi who opened her mouth to say something.

"Sher-,"

"It's interesting to me, that _this_ glass," He held up the white wine glass now, "smells faintly of vinegar." He chuckled darkly at the item in his hand, "This glass was run through the dishwasher, which has vinegar added during the rinse cycle to help break up those bothersome water spots." He placed it down on the counter and picked up the red wine glass, "This one however was hastily washed by hand," He held it up to the light, as if he cared for her to see, "You can see streaks from a quick and shoddy towel drying, but there's still recent deposits left over from the atrociously hard water in this fine abode." He paused, gripping the glass in his hand and finally addressing Kairi, "Now who do we know that adores red wine and frequents your flat? Hmmm?"

"Sherlock, I can explain-,"

"I said shut up!" He snarled and threw the glass onto the floor, shattering it into pieces that flew all over. Kairi jumped and yelped in surprise as Toby let out a whine and ran away to the bedroom to hide.

He exhaled heavily, regaining his cold composure as he glared at her, "There are _two_ pinot noir glasses here that are frequently used, well there _were_ two," He nodded towards the shards on the floor, "but these glasses are used more frequently than the white wine glasses. We both know our _beloved_ pathologist adores white wine so our mysterious guest is not Molly. John abhors wine and Mycroft wouldn't dare drink with a subordinate. Mrs. Hudson of course, desires an altered sort of buzz." He emphasized the central alveolar fricative at the end of the word and then refocused, "Frequent use, recent hand washing, Pinot Noir, I think we can deduce just who has been habitually visiting this flat." He spat, stalking towards her, glaring down at her as she shook, her arms wrapped around her body as she stared back up at him in desperation, "Unless of course you're so _pathetic_ that you've lied to everyone about your drinking habits and have been drinking out of two different wine glasses to confuse those who would notice."

He stepped around her, glass crunching beneath his feet as he circled and inspected her, "Still nauseous Kairi? Dizzy? Shaking and frequently cold?" He stopped in front of her again and took in her glassy eyes, "Of course you've been drinking stout this evening, judging by the acrid smell of beer and the hint of chocolate on your breath, so probably your withdrawal symptoms would not be showing. You've curbed your worthless addiction one more night, did you?"

Kairi let out a shaky breath, "Sherlock…"

He shot her a dark look which silenced her immediately, "Now then, we've established that you are either _drinking for two_ or that you have frequent company in the form of a Pinot Noir fan. But _who_ could it be?" He summed it up for her and walked towards her front room, circling the couch and glaring at it for a moment before he plopped down in the seat closest to the arm rest. "More evidence is required, don't you think? Don't want to make a hasty judgement."

He removed his gloves and tossed them on the table, letting his fingers trace over the soft material of the couch, his eyes closed for a moment before he put up his feet with a thud. Kairi turned towards him now, her feet crunching bits of glass as she shuffled to face him.

"Now then, this is my favorite part." He chuckled darkly, wriggling himself in the couch and getting comfortable. "As I sit here at 1.83 meters, I can _almost_ get comfortable. My legs stretched out, feet up on the coffee table which affords me a _great_ deal of relaxation." He drawled sarcastically. He opened his eyes and stood abruptly, turning sharply to face Kairi who was still behind the couch, still looking so small and insignificant.

His heart lurched for a moment, seeing her there, looking at him in fear and in pain, but he ignored it. He downright ripped it from his mind palace and focused on the real woman behind the shaking mess, the one who betrayed him. "Judging by the imprint left in that spot, the weight of the person who has crushed the cushions, is more hefty than our lovely pathologist and present company excluded." He looked down at the couch again, seething, "And since you don't habitually sit like a normal human being, you must be sprawled about in the sitting chair with legs ass over end, contorted like an idiot, I'm guessing this belongs to someone else." He chuckled at himself and stepped back, standing at the corner of the tea-table and then kneeling down. "Someone who frequently puts their feet up on coffee tables, judging by the nicks in the wood." He eyed her momentarily while she shook, still listening, still so meek.

"Funny thing about spacing of furniture, it denotes who frequents certain areas. This specific distance between couch and table is highly indicative of the person's height who usually rests their feet here." He pointed to the couch and the table and stood up to his full height to practically leap into the seat so he could wriggle again to get comfortable.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and relishing in the sweet tension rolling off of Kairi behind him, "Funny it is, that as I sit here, I can only deduce that the person who sits here is definitely not you." He chuckled and sat up, placing his feet back on the floor, turning to Kairi and giving her a cold sneer, "You see, the distance between the seat and the footrest is much longer than the lovely pathologist's or your squat stature. It's also quite amusing to see that even John, though taller than you and Molly, would also not be comfortable sitting here as his legs would barely reach without slouching completely." He stared at her coldly, "I would almost say that you've set this up for _me,_" He growled, standing slowly and glaring at her, "except of course for the simple fact that I don't tend to rest my feet on coffee tables and the fact that it hits me at the top of my Achilles' tendon in a most irritating manner. It's almost exactly 0.03 meters too short for my legs." He chuckled and then rounded the couch to stand in front of her.

He was close to her now, close enough to kiss, close enough to hold. She stared up at him and between ragged breaths, she begged, "Please -,"

"Oh, but _who_ can I think of that frequents your home that is that height?" He stepped towards her and she backed away from his imposing glare, "Mycroft is taller than me, so it isn't him, and unless you really are _desperate_ enough to sleep with someone for alcohol, I doubt you've had random suitors frequenting here." He took her in, trailing his eyes up and down her body in slow, calculated movements, "Though, to be honest, I'm not quite sure you're appealing enough for the common bar scene — they do like their tall, willowy women with tiny waists and proportional curvature." He spat and she flinched at the implication as they continued to move backwards, "So who is it that is shorter than me, but taller than John and tends to leave grey hairs in his wake? Who drinks red wine and has shown an alarming amount of interest in the woman who resides in this flat!?" He pushed further, almost shouting now, "Hm?"

Kairi tripped and fell backwards, landing hard on her backside with a yelp. She looked up at Sherlock, towering over her and looking down at her impassively. She opened her mouth to say something and he reached out, grabbing her arm sharply and yanking her to her feet.

"Still don't know, do we?" He intoned with disgust and pulled her close to his side as he stalked towards her bedroom, her stumbling along next to him. "Well, I'm sure we have some more evidence in here - I wanted to check the bed, but I'd probably need a blacklight to see all of the evidence left over on the sheets." He hissed bitterly and pulled her across the room, "I didn't want to have to call in Anderson, have him find out that I'd been cuckolded, like some common fool." He spat and then let go of her, using her momentum to force her against the wall next to her bathroom door.

"Sherlock, stop this, please." Kairi said quietly, using the wall to get her shaky legs steadily beneath her.

He turned on her and pressed her against the wall with his glare, "I asked you to remain silent." He snarled at her, "Your absolutely insipid drivel is interrupting the _best_ part." He finished with a devious smile as he walked closer and leaned in, almost seeming like he would press his lips against hers. Instead, he wrapped his hand around the doorknob and pushed the door open, causing Kairi to shudder out a breath as he wound around her. He walked into the bathroom and knelt down, reaching into the cabinet beneath the sink and pulling out a plastic bag left long forgotten.

He turned to look at Kairi who was standing in the doorway, wide-eyed and so very much in the throes of emotional turmoil. She let out a shuddering breath and stepped forward as Sherlock stood up, grasping the bag in his fist.

His shoulders hunched and his breathing finally went ragged as emotion poured through him. Rage and pain and sorrow were storming through his mind palace, fogging his clarity and making his thoughts disjointed and so very muddled.

"Sherlock, please, let me -,"

"NO!" Sherlock bellowed and in an instant, he had her arm gripped tightly in his hand as he held her in place against the tile of the bathroom wall. "I have _seen_ enough!" He spat at her with utmost revulsion. He raised his hand, holding the bag with the box inside, "Would you like to see my discovery? Do you want me to finally solve this mysterious conundrum that we find ourselves in?" He growled at her and he watched as tears streamed down her cheeks and she shook in his grasp.

"Do you!?" He snarled, pressing her harder against the wall, his grip no doubt hindering circulation to her arm. "A box, a simple _box_." He said quietly and shook the contents loose and they fell to the floor. The contents dropped like dead weight but the receipt fluttered its way down with much less effort, "And a piece of paper, with a date and a _name_." He said quietly, his eyes dead and cold to her. He let go of her swiftly and picked up the box, shaking the contents within it as he stood.

She tried to move forward, opening her mouth again to speak to him, but he grasped her shoulder and shoved her against the wall, she gasped, staring at the man she loved in horror as he continued his tirade.

He leaned in now, his hand grasping at the collar of her dress to hold her in place, his lips resting just next to her ear, "Tell me Kairi," He said in a low and sensuous tone, tainted by his rage and his woundedness, "Why is it that you would need to purchase condoms with your bank card while I was away? Why did you purchase them four months ago? Hm?" He got out, his voice finally started to waver as the pain leaked through the cracks in his resolve.

"Why," he started, his voice broke as his throat tightened, "why, when you and I were together, we hadn't needed protection, and _why,_ while I was _gone_, in the pits of hell with the absolute dregs of humanity, dreaming of _you_ with every breath," he rasped and squeezed her shoulder tighter, "_why_ did you need to buy _these_?"

"Sherlock, please -,"

He stood upright, stiff and furious, his hand moving to the side of her neck, his thumb pressing into her cheek that was stained with tears, "WHY!?" He bellowed, squeezing tighter and she flinched, her eyes going wide as she looked at him.

"_You're hurting me!_" She screamed — a familiar sound, a familiar face etched with terror, the shrillness of that voice reverberating in his chest as the words echoed in his mind palace and shook loose memories he had tried so desperately to forget.

He took a sharp breath in and let her go, stumbling back against the sink, his vision blurring from the tears in his eyes, "I-," He began, his mouth opening and closing, words lost to his tongue, but he looked at her. He finally saw her, through the rage, through his pain. She was pressing herself against the wall, making herself smaller, pulling herself farther from him, her hair a mess, and her face blotchy and red from her tears. He could see the imprint his hand had made, when his fingertips dug into her pale and easily marred skin. He finally looked into her eyes and she could barely look back at him, standing there, so diminutive compared to her usual presence. He had caused this_. _She was shaking and terrified.

She was terrified of _him_.

He pushed off of the sink, leaving her in her tears and making his way through her bedroom. He could hear her sobs echoing off the tiles of the bathroom and each one felt like a jab to his chest. Stumbling upon his own two feet as his mind burst with the emotions that surged within him, he leaned upon the door jamb of her bedroom and tried to breathe.

The comparison between the Kairi he had seen a day before and the Kairi he had just abandoned was painful. Smiling and bright no more, he had left her a husk of shame and pain. He had allowed his rage and jealousy to consume him and he sought for _control_, not justice. This was not Sherlock Holmes, but a much different sort of beast that had been residing inside of his mind for some time. He did not have logic and brilliance at this point, he had anger and pain and it was _blinding_. It consumed him, suffocated him, everything that he stood for was bastardized by the rawness of what he _felt_. He didn't so much despise what he was feeling, but he did despise how it fueled his actions.

He reached her front room and his feet crunched upon the glass the monster within had tossed to the floor what seemed like a lifetime ago. He stared around, seeing the ghost of his anger trounce through her home only moments before he had put his hands on her. He hated himself in that moment, more than he hated what she did, more than he despised Lestrade. There was only one person he hated more in that moment and it was Moran. Moran's only desire had been to consume Kairi, to break her, to make her his own.

It was in that moment, that Sherlock remembered true pain. His heart seized in his chest when he realized that he was hardly any better than Moran. Sherlock wanted Kairi to suffer like he had suffered upon his discovery. He wanted to walk her through his findings and see her _break_ in reaction to the unveiling of her shame. These were not the actions of a man full of love, these were the actions of a man full of _hate_.

Is this what he became closed off to the influence of the people in his life? Turning his back on his humanity and focusing on the pain had made him so much less than everything he aspired to be. The last six months of his life has been tainted; dark and consuming. Here he stood pouring that darkness that left him cold and bitter back into her, his one source of true comfort.

He stood in her front room and he felt empty. Utterly, hopelessly empty.

* * *

_**A/N**_

**_Please feel free to leave comments and tell me what you think, but I implore you to read the next chapter before you make any finite decisions for how you view certain people. k? I love you, hold me..._**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Read the chapter fully, perhaps more than once to truly understand what is happening before you pass judgement. Also read the footnote for more thoughts as well...**_

* * *

"Sherlock!" Kairi yelled after him through her sobs.

He turned, still stepping on what felt like the shattered pieces of his whole being. He was lost inside emotion; this blinding, whirling, and completely encompassing hurricane that raged within him. When he looked back at her, he felt everything at once, the overwhelming amount of affection he had for her, the burden of this new knowledge, and the undying shame of how he had handled her.

"Please!" She shouted, running at him, but stopping herself before she reached him, before she got too close.

It burned him that she shied away from him. It burned him that in the last four months, living like he had, she had been here. She had been with…

"Let me explain." She muttered softly, searching his eyes for something, any sort of remnant of the man she adored.

"Why!?" Sherlock pleaded for understanding, rage and hurt pushing forth through his snarling tone and he watched her recoil, curling in on herself like the abused child she once was.

"Let me tell you what happened, let me tell you my reasoning, please." She said softly, her voice trembling.

"WHY!?" He shouted, his voice echoing in her home. He took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling so very broken, "Why should I?" He added with the weakness he felt.

"Because you weren't raped!" She yelled at him, "You weren't the one who got raped TWICE!" She shouted glaring at him with the wide, pained eyes of a broken woman, "You weren't the one who had to look into the eyes of the person you love the most in this world, while some monster consumed every ounce of goodness in your body!" She finished in a weak cry, "You were there," She looked at him, her voice laced with shame and sadness, "but you weren't _me_."

Sherlock took in a harsh breath, raggedly catching in his throat, fighting to move past the blockade forming in his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and sensations pulsed through him. The vivid memories of Kairi being held face to face with him while Moran abused her. The nightmarish terror that consumed him, the pain that broke him, all of it raged within him and when he opened his eyes he could see her clearly. The tears had left his eyes and were now slowly falling down his cheeks.

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness." She muttered sadly, "I don't expect it either. I'm just asking you to listen." She wrapped her arms around herself as tears fell freely from her reddened eyes and she looked at him, pleading and desolate.

He nodded, slowly, the air in his lungs frozen and painful as he watched her shake in front of him, knowing that was _his_ fault.

"I slept with Lestrade, _once_." She admitted, laughing sourly until it turned into sobs, "My mother died the week before. I went home to see her cremated and buried with my dad." She added in a thick voice, "I never got to say goodbye to the woman who loved me, who tried to protect me. I never got to say goodbye to my mother! The last time I saw her she ripped holes in my arms and screamed at me!" Kairi sobbed, "I never got to understand why she murdered someone: for me? To warn me? Because Moran had told her to? I never got to know why!" She shouted, her eyes frantic and lost, "I was eight months into recovery, _finally_ feeling like everything was going to be okay and then she just died." She added with a bitter laugh, "I felt like everything was falling apart all over again and you weren't here."

Sherlock went to speak but she put up her hand to silence him.

"I know, you weren't here because _**I**_ asked you not to be — it's not your fault, it's _mine._ I know that. But you weren't here, I didn't know how to contact you. I couldn't ask you to come back, because I felt like I was worse off than when you left." She inhaled shakily.

"I'm sorry that it hurts you so much, I really am. But I'm only half sorry that I did it." She looked at him and watched his face twitch ever so slightly with some suppressed emotion, "I needed something. I needed someone and I was the one that was _stupid_ enough to send you away in the first place! Asking you to come back, I felt so _selfish_. I can't just push and pull you along however I see fit. It's unfair!" She shook her head and put her face into her hands while she sobbed.

"I got so lost Sherlock! I was so desperate to feel, to know I was alive, even though every single part of me just wanted to die. I was drinking all day, everyday, I couldn't function! I was smoking so much, I barely believed that my lungs remembered how to convert oxygen properly!" She laughed coldly, "I was a fucking mess and I needed something or someone and Lestrade was there. He understood what I was asking, what I needed."

She looked up at Sherlock again and he was stiffening to her, "I needed to prove I wasn't broken." She whispered, "I needed to be absolutely certain that I wasn't the worthless, empty _piece of shit_ that I felt like after Moran ripped _everything_ from me. Then my mother died and I was in _pain_."

She shrugged, smiling sadly at him, "I'm sorry. I wanted it to be you, but it couldn't be you." She shook her head and glanced up at him, watching confusion etch itself in the corners of his eyes, "I know, it doesn't make sense. I wasn't all there, I wasn't okay, but I did it, I asked him to be there for me in that way. I needed to prove that I could feel and I could be with someone again and he helped me."

She sighed raggedly and continued, "I know that it's bullshit and you don't have to forgive me, but I at least needed you to understand." She took a step back, "I care for Greg and I trust him, he is my friend, and I care for him because he is a decent man and a good friend to everyone in his life. I took advantage of his attraction to me because I needed to prove that I wasn't so utterly _damaged._ It was one night, from the start, he knew it was only _one_ night. He knew what I needed and why I needed it and he never expected anything else."

She bit her lip, "But you, Sherlock, I love you with everything that I am. I love you because you are brilliant and unique, and you understand me in so many ways that others don't. I love you because we have suffered and died and been burnt to nothing and yet, we still have this capacity to love each other."

She let out a hard sigh between hiccuping sobs, "You are the _best_ man I've ever met." Sherlock blinked a few times as she said it, his mouth opening and closing.

She walked backwards slowly until she was edging closer to her room, looking ready to run, "Having sex with Greg helped me because it proved I wasn't broken. I don't regret it, because I needed to do it. I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't expect you to love me anymore, but I needed you to understand. I needed you to know that I _was_ broken. I was _ruined _by Moran and then my mother's death…" She spat it out acidly, "I was _pissed_ and _terrified_ and _disgusted_ with this thing that _he_ left in his wake." She looked down at her feet, tears flowing down her cheeks again and splashing against the floor as they fell from her eyes.

"I love you Sherlock Holmes and I couldn't be with you if I thought I was ruined by Moran." She shook her head, "If me being with Lestrade destroys us, I will never forgive myself, but I can't change it. It woke me up. It made me realize and understand what I really needed, what I really wanted. It's not fair to you and if you despise me, then I will leave." The exhale came out painfully, "I will erase myself from your life completely. I never wanted to hurt you, but if I did, I won't _ever_ hate you for how you feel about it. I did what I needed to do. I'm not proud of it at all, but I did it. If you can't care for me anymore because of it, I will accept that consequence and leave. I wish it could have been different, but it wasn't." She finished it all in a whisper, the last breath of her dying heart.

There was a silence permeating the space between them that was thick and suffocating.

It seemed to choke Kairi and she went to turn her back on the one relationship in her life that was right. She knew that she loved Sherlock. She knew she would never be with Lestrade in that way — she didn't even want to. What they did was done between friends, between a shattered person and someone who cared for them. What they did was calm the desperate insanity of a broken woman. However, the adoration they shared was not the same as what Kairi felt for Sherlock. Nothing ever would be.

Her breath rushed from her lungs as a hand landed on her arm, gentle but desperate as she was forced around to face the man she loved. She went to speak, staring up at Sherlock, whose eyes were red rimmed and sad. His mouth hung open, stuck on something that he wanted to say.

Kairi shuddered, wondering if she had truly lost her last chance at happiness. There was no one else in the world like Sherlock Holmes. She didn't think it was possible to love someone the way she loved him. She wasn't sure that anyone could care for her in the way she needed — the way Sherlock did.

Before the words could escape her, Sherlock pulled her towards him and his mouth descended upon hers. In the instant it took for her mind to interpret his intentions, she let out a sob into his lips. His hands rose to her face, cradling it gently as they met together in a desperate, pained conciliation.

They were both in so much pain and so very lost in the lives that they had been living. They were trying to heal, to piece themselves together, but they hadn't anticipated how to mend the gap between two _very_ broken people.

"I love you." She whimpered against his lips, her arms wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly against her, so she could feel his thrumming heart against her chest.

"I-," He gasped pausing and halting the words that were fighting to escape his mouth. His lips trembling against hers, in hesitation and fear. Revealing the truth, uncovering that dark fear inside of him, the fear of exposing himself fully was almost too much for him to bear, for him to understand. He could feel her shaking in his arms, no longer afraid of him, no longer weak and empty as when she was confessing to him, anticipating his revulsion. She was open to him completely, vulnerable and desperate just to show him how much she cared. She was broken and faulty and imperfect, but she offered all of the splintered pieces of herself to him anyway, simply because it was all she could give.

He stared down at her for a fraction of a second and he saw the truth in her eyes, she didn't expect him to say it back, she never did. She just wanted to express it, to make it real. He wanted to feel that comfort in such simple, profaned words. He wanted her to understand what was happening inside of him, the utter confusion because of his affection for a simple, brilliant woman. He wanted her to understand the pain, the confusion, the desperation that was teeming within his gut. How could he possibly put into words the insanity of what he felt for her?

After all this time, after Moran, this woman stood before him and opened herself up to the unknown. Despite her pain, despite the years of accumulated suffering, she stood before him, undaunted by becoming lost within another person. He realized then, that he was the one that was truly pained, truly afraid. Giving himself fully to Kairi, allowing her that power over him was the most terrifying thing he could imagine.

It all seemed to click within him, tiny factions of comprehension and emotion bubbled into place and solidified within his mind. Everything he went through, watching her suffer, fearing death for the first time in his life, it all changed him in ways he barely fathomed. What they had experienced was different to anything he ever had been through before and now he saw it. He grasped the insanity, the fear, the unfiltered emotion that surged through them both.

In a moment of futility, he pressed his mouth to hers again, pouring himself into her in every way he understood and in one way that he didn't, "I — I love you." He finally whispered in response, his voice small, scared, and breathless.

The words respired something into Kairi's soul and enveloped it in an all-consuming flame. She had to pull back from his kiss as sobs tore from her lips and left her gasping for air. He held her close as she collapsed, sobbing into his chest, the broken cries of a traumatized woman, hearing exactly what she needed to hear: the one that mattered, the one that witnessed her soul being tortured, the one who knew just how sullied she was, the one that she wanted more than anything in her life, to that man, she was still worthy of love. It broke her in a brand new and perfect way.

Sherlock shushed her, holding her close and walking her towards the bedroom as she continued to wail and shake in his arms. He laid her on the bed, fully clothed as she shook with her wretched tears, full of guilt and pain and hope. He remained standing, slowly removing his coat and laying it over the chair at her desk. He watched her torment herself, curling into a ball and shedding tears that he hoped would eventually soothe her brokenness.

The anger, the rage that he had felt for her had dissipated when he listened to her. He allowed his mind to absorb what she was saying and in a moment of brilliance, he couldn't say he agreed with her actions, but her wish was granted: he understood. He was not witness to her recovery, he had left and kept his distance at her request, but he was no braver than she was in facing his demons, in facing the pain. With the understanding of her anguish came compassion and need. She was different to him than any other person in his life and he finally recognized it. Uniting in sorrow, strengthened through what they felt for one another, he saw the broken pieces of himself reflected in her. He _could_ be alone, he _could_ cast her from his side, but he didn't _want_ to.

What broke him from his rage, allowing him clarity in his thoughts and outright disgust in his behavior, was harming her. Never in his right mind, no matter how angry he was, would he intend to hurt her, especially by overpowering her in such a demeaning way. He was not a violent man, only spurred into action if it was necessary. Violence was a means to a very particular end and in this instance, he regretted his behavior towards Kairi. However, the last six months, the last year of missing her, dreaming of her, it had been a savage sort of confusion and he had matched the pain with his own brutality.

He removed his suit jacket and placed it over his coat, turning away from Kairi and allowing her a moment to get out her residual emotions through her tears. He knew that was how she dealt with things sometimes, he believed that giving her the space she needed would be considered a gift. As he was unbuttoning his shirt, he heard her shuffling on the bed. He turned to look at her as she jumped up and ran over to him, pinning his arms to his sides as she squeezed him painfully tight in a hug.

"Kairi…" He wheezed out and she started crying again. He rolled his eyes at her and he twisted himself, she shifted so he could wrap his arms around her, holding her against him.

He pressed his lips to her forehead and sighed, "I find that love is a vicious and temperamental emotion. I despised the notion of using the word, even to describe the way I feel about you." He said softly and she shook in his grasp, "I understand what you did and why you did it. Applying logic to an illogical situation is a fault of mine and I assumed you had behaved in such a manner to spite me. I had only focused on the evidence, not the underlying motives." He cleared his throat and adjusted his hold on her, lifting her eyes to meet his, "I will not pretend that this situation is ideal." He squinted his eyes at the words that felt so foreign on his lips, "I'm slightly out of my area of expertise when it comes to you." He sighed, "I'm afraid that this process will be entirely new to the both of us."

Kairi nodded, "I just want you," She smiled through tears, "I don't care what I have to do." Her arms shot up around his neck and she pulled him down to her lips, engaging him in a fiery kiss that shot adrenaline through Sherlock's veins, heightening the sensations of her mouth against his and her fingers in his hair. His arms wrapped around her waist while the taste of her consumed him and he crushed her against him. They were lost in the interaction, outright need overpowering any process not devoted to slaking their desperate lust. They moaned together, stepping themselves towards the bed through impassioned kisses.

Kairi was halted by Sherlock's arms, she tried to tilt backwards, to throw them both on the bed, every molecule in her body was absolutely teeming with need, but he held her still. His lips softened against hers, his hands more tender and gentle as he shifted to hold her waist. She felt panic rise within her chest, she needed him and she needed him now, but if he stopped, if he didn't want her —

"Stop that." He growled against her lips, "Stop assuming everything I do is because I am refusing you."

Kairi pulled back, she tried to hold onto the tears this time, she didn't want to spend the night sobbing at him anymore, "What?"

He smiled down at her, chuckling, and she heard him say the words that seemed too impossible to come from his lips, "I'm not going to have sex with you, Kairi."

Kairi's eyes bugged out of her head and her throat constricted. Her thoughts went blank and she seemed to sway where she stood, "Wha-? Why not?!" She asked a little desperately.

He chuckled again, the deep voice that vibrated through her in every way imaginable, "Because this is your need to prove yourself to me." He locked eyes with her and Kairi felt it.

She felt him boring into her and understanding her in ways she barely understood herself. It was precisely what she was trying to do. She wanted to show him that she wasn't broken anymore, that she wasn't completely ruined. She wanted to prove to him that he was what she needed, that he was how she would heal. The truth of it was, they were both still in pieces and hurting, just in different ways. Love did not heal all wounds.

"You don't need to prove yourself to me Kairi. Though I desperately want to —," He cleared his throat, referencing her manner of phrasing before, "— _fuck you through a wall_, as you put it so delicately, it is the least of my worries at this point. You appear to be in a fragile emotional state and, because I _care_ for you, I refuse to take advantage of the situation."

Kairi gaped at him, "I— I don't know what to say. Thank you?"

He sighed heavily, exasperated, "We will go about this in the way we were planning, before all of this." He waved his hand around, indicating the drama that had ensued, "We will talk to each other and do all those inane things people who care for one another do." He looked into her eyes, seeing her searching for something in his, "Dr. Sherman has assured me that returning to life with you would be a steep learning curve."

Kairi chuckled, "Yeah, he told me that too."

Sherlock gave her a small smile, "Yes, I had assumed so. So let's begin as we would have. Do the terms of our previous engagement still apply?"

Kairi rolled her eyes and pulled at her sleeve to wipe her dripping nose, "You make it sound like a business acquisition."

He gave her a stern look, "Simply because I admitted to my _love_ for you, it doesn't mean that my lexical semantics will be altered within the middle temporal gyrus."

She stared at him in utter confusion.

He rolled his eyes, "I will not debase myself with flowery words and intentions simply because I said that I love you."

"Oh, I see." Kairi smiled wide, tears brimming again, "I don't want your temcoral gyration to change. I like you very much as you are Sherlock."

He opened his mouth to correct her but decided against it, seeing the teasing glint in her eyes. Instead, he nodded and leaned in to press his lips to hers, "So, do we have an agreement?"

Kairi nodded, "To refresh then, exclusivity and companionship, and sex…eventually." She smiled nervously, pressing her head against his chest, "Perhaps we should allow for some flexibility and space with interactions. I know we both need time to…adjust. Anything I'm missing?"

Sherlock hummed slightly, holding her close, "I believe you required some sort of affirmation of my affection, does that still apply?"

Kairi shrugged, "I don't know. I guess we will have to see as it goes along. If I feel like if you don't want me anymore, I'll know it, but maybe I can ask for you to express your affection explicitly, if I'm feeling off or insecure, so you don't have to think about appeasing me constantly."

He glanced down at her, "I wouldn't think about it constantly." She gave him a deadpan stare and he dismissed it, "Isn't that supposed to ruin the _romance_ or something?" He said distastefully. "Aren't you supposed to be surprised?"

Kairi chuckled, "I don't know Sherlock, we will see. Right now, all I care about is that you are here with me. Everything else can wait."

They stood quietly for a while, simply holding each other in the silence of Kairi's home. Everything always happened so fast between them. It was confusing and terrifying to love someone so much that they could fill your heart so completely in one moment and break it in the next.

Toby finally peeked his head out from under the bed and wriggled his hulking mass from beneath the high frame to walk up to his owners. He circled them a few times happily, poking his nose at their legs for attention. Obviously, now that the screaming and crashing things were over, it was time to play.

Sherlock glanced down, smiling lightly at the mutt prancing about, "I think it's time to go to bed."

Kairi gripped his shirt, "Will you stay?" She said a bit desperately. "Is that too much to ask?"

Sherlock leveled his gaze at her, inspecting the fragility of her features. "No, it's not asking too much." He said softly, reaching his hand up to stroke her hair and allowing his look to soften, "However, if my hands wander during the night, you mustn't tease me about it in the morning."

Kairi gave him a wry grin, "Depends on how much wandering they do, but I'll keep my mouth shut."

He chuckled at her, "That, I would endeavor to see."

She rolled her eyes and moved away from him, grabbing his hand as she walked to the closet and pulled out some of his old night-clothes. He gave her an odd look and she shrugged, blushing wildly.

"Sometimes I'd sleep with them because I missed you and I wanted an olfactory trigger for good memories. You smell like home and safety to me." She muttered.

He tried to suppress his grin, "I see."

Kairi chucked and then nodded, "I'm going to go clean up the glass while you get ready. I'll join you in a minute."

Sherlock nodded as she left and got dressed for bed in a plain t-shirt and pajama pants. He truly did hate wearing clothes to bed. Especially now that Kairi would be next to him, but he would suffer silently — or at least mostly silent — for the time being.

A few moments later, he was lying in Kairi's bed, hands behind his head as he stretched out beneath the covers, awaiting her. He was thinking over the night, the burst of illogical behavior, the anger, the rage, the raw emotion while he listened Kairi pour out her soul to him. He felt as if he should contemplate further on the subject, but what she had told him was the truth behind the actions of a very emotionally fragile woman. His reaction, the behavior of an angry, hurt, and emotionally naïve man. It was almost unfair to expect logical and responsible behavior from a person who went through the trauma that they went through, especially her, someone who went through it all _twice_. He had forgotten the existence of her pain in his tirade and in his torment. For the first time in his life, he was ashamed of his selfishness.

He recalled his time away from her, the rage he used for the benefit of the case. In the end, he could not fault her for irrational behaviors. It still hurt, to think of her with someone else, but in the end he realized that she was not his property. They had both agreed to time away from each other. She had not specified how long she required distance and Sherlock had been the one to take the second case when he finished the first quite quickly. He was the one who distanced himself even further from her in those last six months, he was just as afraid and hurt as she was. They had been separated, apart for some time. No promises were made, no lies kept, save for two.

She smiled nervously as she walked into her bedroom, blushing a bit as she looked at him in her bed. She was afraid it was a mirage, but even her imagination couldn't replicate the perfection in the pedantic grin that quirked his lips. She walked to her closet to grab some pajamas and went to the bathroom to get ready to sleep. Once washed and scrubbed and properly clothed in some leggings and a tank top, she made her way back into the bedroom and slowly approached the bed.

Sherlock threw the blankets to the side so she could slide in next to him and covered her back up once she nestled into his side. She curled against him and he wrapped an arm around her. The feeling was almost of completion, of feeling home. He moved slightly, adjusting her head on his chest and shoulder and settled into the silence.

At least until it was broken by Kairi's sniffle.

"Are you crying again?" He asked a little coldly. "Sad crying or happy crying?"

Kairi nodded, chuckling in a sad way, "A bit of both, I guess. I'm sorry. I've missed you very much and it's hard to reign it all in." She said, her voice tight, but she refused to let the tears fall. "I apologize Sherlock, tonight and maybe for the foreseeable future, I might be a tiny bit of an emotional mess."

Sherlock nodded, rubbing her back distractedly, "That's not wildly far off compared to how you were prior to our incident."

She poked his side and sniffed, "Prick."

He chuckled against the top of her head and closed his eyes, letting the warmth of her body really seep into his skin, "I apologize for my behavior earlier. I did not anticipate your relationship with Lestrade."

Kairi nodded, "To be truly honest, I didn't either. This past year was difficult Sherlock and I didn't know what to do. Therapy only helped so much. I deserved it a bit, your reaction. I should have told you first, before you could find out on your own. I honestly meant to, but it's only really been a day since you got back and I was hoping we would have time to talk, alone and in private. I didn't anticipate sushi dinner and a dead body."

He chuckled, "Yes, aside from you leaping on me, that was a most pleasant welcoming."

Kairi laughed at him, "What were you doing the past year that makes you think dead bodies are pleasant?"

Sherlock stiffened, "I've always believed a unique murder to be a pleasant thing."

Kairi chucked and nuzzled closer to him, "My odd man." She said softly and kissed his covered chest.

He exhaled heavily in response, acknowledging his omission of the full truth, "I suppose you deserve to know about my past year in detail, it may possibly explain my rather rash behavior today. It's not something I've discussed with Dr. Sherman yet." Kairi adjusted in his arms and looked up at him, rolling onto her stomach so she could rest her chin on her hands placed on his chest. She watched him as he gazed up at the ceiling, his eyes a bit distant as he began to speak.

"The first case I was on went much like I had told you. I finished it quickly and efficiently, despite it being horribly tedious." He took in a deep breath, "The second case was not one that I had anticipated. I almost returned to London at that time, to return to you, perhaps a bit earlier than planned, but I was…" He cleared his throat, unwilling to admit that he was afraid, "However, Mycroft approached me with another option: a case in Thailand centered on a human trafficking and prostitution ring that had some tangential relation to Moriarty. I felt it was my duty to investigate."

Kairi couldn't help the gasp that formed on her lips as she listened to him recant his life during the time away.

"Mycroft had me infiltrate as a low-level accountant. I was meant to do book-keeping and observe spending habits. My intention was to keep a low profile and track where money was going to and coming from. The supposition was that I would eventually gather enough evidence to link a common business man and the entire prostitution enterprise. The man was highly adept at hiding his connection to organized crime. Most of the police were well taken care of in return for a blind eye. Finances were hidden behind layers and layers of subterfuge." He cleared his throat and a dark look came over his features, Kairi felt the tension in his muscles as he continued, "I was working in the distribution center, if you'd like to call it that," he spat, "and a new customer, recommended by a frequent one, had come in and abused one of the girls."

He glanced down at Kairi who was looking at him with sad eyes, "As I had said, I was meant for book-keeping and filing, I was steadily rising in the ranks, making a good and trustworthy name for myself because of my efficiency and intellect, until that day." He looked back up at the ceiling as the images played perfectly in his mind, "The man was on his way out when one of the girls came and told us that the mistress the client had been with was left bloodied up. Though the entire business was reprehensible, the proprietor was extremely diligent about keeping his property in decent shape — good health, suitable recompense in the form of money and available drugs. Certain girls fulfilled certain needs for discerning clients. This one girl had a specific role that left this client wanting." He voice went dangerously low and ferocity laced the words leaving his taut lips, "And so he took what he desired from this woman, despite her refusal."

"The client was meant to be stopped by security, but when I heard that the girl had been brutalized and —" He halted, losing his voice for a moment as it all rushed back at him, "— and raped, something within me splintered." He looked at Kairi again who now had tears in her eyes, he brought his hand to her cheek, relishing in the softness of her skin, the warmth it supplied him. He cleared his throat before continuing, steeling himself for her reaction to the rest of his tale, "I nearly killed the man." He stated flatly, his eyes consuming every inch of Kairi's face, gauging her reaction, "I did to him what I wanted to do to Moran."

"Oh…" She said softly, a tear finding its way out of her eye. "Oh, Sherlock." She reached up to hold his face in her hand and for a perfect moment, they felt at peace, united in their pain.

He gave her a small smile, "I became an integral member of the business. Books and beatings." He chuckled sadly, "It allowed most of my residual anger to be doled out in an appropriate way. For almost four months, I was their pawn and an effective tool to dissuade improper behavior. I allowed my anger to fuel my actions and for a while I relished in it." He closed his eyes, a wretched pain tearing through him despite Kairi's palm against his cheek. "I doubt I'll ever be able to completely let go of the hatred I have for Sebastian Moran. Though I am more than glad he is dead, I only wish that he could live for a moment longer, so I could kill him again," he growled in a low and menacing tone. He opened his eyes and looked down at Kairi and she stared at him with a knowing look, with understanding, "I elected a certain brutality during my time away. It seems I haven't completely left it behind."

Kairi scooted up his chest and pressed her lips against his, "Don't. Don't pretend it didn't happen." She whispered against him, "Pretending the pain doesn't exist, it wont help you, I promise you that. You have to deal with it, acknowledge it."

He held her face in his hands, "You don't know what I have done." His voice was sad and weary.

Kairi shook her head, "I don't care." She stared into his eyes, resolved and honest, "I honestly don't. Did you hurt anyone who didn't deserve it?"

He shook his head, "No, I became an enforcer against guilty men. No one thought the bookish new man on staff would be able to persuade people so efficiently." He almost chuckled, but disgust clenched his throat tight, "It actually strengthened my cover. No one believed a reputable accountant would want to work for an illegal operation. It allowed me much more freedom to gather the information I needed to bring it all crumbling down."

She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were surrounded by violence and such ugliness. I'm sorry you were alone and I didn't ask you to come home. I needed you and I was stupid to think that you didn't need someone too." She gripped him tightly as tears threatened to spill over, "I'm just glad you're alive. I want you back here with me Sherlock Holmes. I don't want to stay stuck in this past year, in the violence and the anger. I don't want to stay lost in self-hatred and loneliness. I want something different for us."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her firm against his chest, "I think I agree. This is much more preferable than my previous living situation."

"Is it?" She murmured through a yawn.

He chuckled at the sound that hummed through them both, "Yes, living in a brothel and drug den wasn't the most harmonious experience."

"That sounds awful." She sighed and scooted closer, her eyes feeling heavier with each breath she heard rumbling in his chest. "But you're home now. You're with me." She held him tighter.

"Yes, I am and happy to be." He replied in a deep tone that caused her to hum against him.

"Good." She muttered sleepily and yawned against his chest, her breath seeping through his shirt and gracing his skin. "Good, one day at a time, one day, each day, and we'll remember who we are." Her voice lost its alertness and he could see her eyes fluttering shut, "You'll solve murders and dissolve things in acid and I'll fix computers and bake things and we'll be together and it will be all right."

"Yes." He said gently and pressed his lips into her hair as a certain ease washed over him.

"There will be cookies and crime and we'll be happy."

He chuckled lightly as she became lost in her exhausted meanderings, "Yes, I gather we might."

"I love you." She finally whispered, the words leaving a smile on her lips.

"I suppose I love you too." He whispered back with a small smile, the words granting him a certain peace as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel the happiness caused by her presence.

Tonight would be the first night neither of them had nightmares or dreamt of blood and pain.

Tonight, they finally had one another and they were the closest to peace they had been in the past year.

They had a long way to go, a long journey to find one another, but it all began that night, wrapped in each other's embrace.

* * *

_**A/N **_

_**I understand that there are probably a lot of people upset with Sherlock and Kairi. I will defend them until my last breath if necessary, but I feel like there's still some background going on in my head that may not have been clear to a lot of people.**_

_**As for Kairi, before you start accusing her of being a horrible person, I want you to really imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes. Then I want you to multiply it by a million to maybe understand just a fraction of what she's been through as a person. Yes, yes, I know she's a fabricated character, but she's HUMAN and to me, she's very real. She's not a paragon of virtue, nor is she perfect, or even completely sane. She is a confused, broken person who has suffered a lot more than a lot of people out there (I'm not saying my fictional character's suffering is more real than anyone else's as a real human being, I'm just saying, in trying to portray her as a real, faulty, emotionally fragile human being, her actions will not always be perfect). As for her decision to be with Lestrade, in all honesty, I'm just happy that Kairi is even alive. Her strength is something I aspire to have... I've been through a lot less and felt like ending it all, so the fact that she's still trying to go to therapy and being a functional human and going to work and not drinking herself into a coma every single day after being raped twice, having her father murdered, her mother losing her mind, being stalked and assaulted, her best friend killed in front of her, the man she loves brutalized and tortured in front of her, being abused in front of another person, essentially having her past and forgotten memories exposed to all of her friends, she killed someone (no matter how justified it was, and I mean 500% justified), then Sherlock leaves, and then having her mother die... God, I don't know if I could survive that. So before ANYONE decides to say she is a bad person, we will have words. And I try to be as nice as possible, and though I don't condone her actions, fact is, I think that searching for compassion and comfort in the arms of someone she trusts is not the worst thing she could do. Also, think of how terrifying it would be to try to be intimate with Sherlock after what they went through. He saw EVERYTHING he knows her shame... God...**_

_**As for Sherlock I think its VERY IMPORTANT for everyone to realize that he agreed to leave. As Molly has said, Sherlock is stubborn, if he didn't want to go, he wouldn't have. He needed space just as much as she did and he is suffering from a lot as well. I mean, lets not forget, Sherlock was also abused. Physically and emotionally, he was torn asunder. For the first time in his life he was TRULY helpless and hopeless. I don't know if all of you understand the weight of that statement and maybe its too OOC for some people, but whatever, I wanted a real story with pain and truth and growth. People don't grow if everything always stays the same. So Sherlock is emotionally and physically traumatized as well. He feels WEAK for the first time in his life. And he is SCARED. That is a big deal...Like..A really big deal... And remember, he CHOSE to take on that second case when he could have returned to Kairi. He could have been there for her when her mother passed, but instead he went deep undercover and closed himself off to the rest of the world and hid for another 6 months and accepted the opportunity to beat other people up...He was ANGRY... He still is! His reaction isn't to seek comfort - he and Kairi are fundamentally different creatures (which is totally okay). He needed to express the pent up rage and pain (and I'm not exactly sure I agree with violence being the answer) and Kairi needed to feel like she was something, anything...And facing Sherlock in that way... It must be terrifying to see yourself through someone else's eyes...**_

_**So, lets not play the blame game here...**_

_**My point is, NEITHER OF THEM ARE RIGHT OR WRONG. Both of them are severely emotionally traumatized and complex characters that have suffered greatly but still have the ability to love. I want you to really think about that before you say anything about either of them being bad people, because they aren't - they are fucked up and trying to keep it together. I know a lot of people have gone through horrible shit and understand just how hard it is to get up in the morning and face reality. I know how it feels to have someone tell you that they love you and feel absolutely sick and undeserving because that person means more than everything else in the world to you and you feel like their love is worth so much more than you are. The fact is, if they can do it, so can you. Suffering doesn't make you weak, suffering may break you down, but it doesn't have to ruin you. It may affect you for the rest of your natural life, you may always be a little afraid, a little broken, but it doesn't mean you cant LIVE or you cant be loved. You've got to help yourself before you can help anyone else and you can't always feel guilty about what you need to do for you... So yeah, gigantic PSA defending my characters and people with trauma in their histories, because you may never understand how much pain someone really goes through or why they make certain decisions... Not everyone will make the right decisions all the time, a lot of times people you love will fail you and sometimes you'll fail them. If we learn to communicate, prioritize needs, and be decent people, a lot of times we can find peace... I'm still working on it to be truly honest.**_

_**Much love my Holmies...and I promise, we've got nowhere else to go but up... **_


	9. Chapter 9

Kairi woke, feeling cold and alone. When her eyes finally blinked open, they felt heavy and crusted over from a full night of actual sleep, unaided by medication or intoxication. She glanced around, not finding her recent companion anywhere, but at least seeing Toby curled into a ball on the warm spot left by her detective. She smiled softly and reached out, rubbing along Toby's slack face. His eyes fluttered open slowly and he opened his mouth in a small smile, his tongue darting out to try to lick her while his tail whumped on the bed and shook it.

She giggled slightly and sat up. Terror did not grip her in being alone. She had no fear of Sherlock regretting his decision to spend the night with her. She wasn't surprised by an empty bed, but rather comforted by it. His absence was reminiscent of a time before, when things were somewhat normal. He would wake early, if he slept at all, and she would sleep in and be dead to the world until she had her coffee. He would go about his day, perhaps making her a cup if they were in his home, but at least starting up some experiment she would stumble upon later and ask questions about. It was an easy sort of give and take. She'd dole out compliments when she felt like he might want them, he'd explain things to her without being too patronizing and she'd happily listen. They were well suited for each other in that way and Kairi was anxious to get back to their odd sort of normalcy.

She stood from her bed, taking careful steps as her body stretched and popped with each movement. She felt rested, surprisingly, and relatively aware. Her hair was no doubt a mash around her head and she felt like her legs were made of lead as they guided her from her bedroom, but in the end she still just felt good. Over the last year, the medication needed to help her sleep usually ended up making her feel groggy, confused, and downright irritable. It was a shocking discovery to realize that she had not woken up once, screaming or crying. It was a realization that left a wide smile on her face and added a tiny skip to her step as she walked out to her kitchen to put some coffee on.

Once back in her bedroom, smiling at the blob of black and brown snuggling into her pillows, she checked her phone and saw two messages. One was from Sherlock and one from Molly. She didn't need to open up Sherlock's message as it was only one word: _upstairs._ She chuckled softly at him, the decency he must have mustered up to send her a single word text had to have been astounding. She opened the text from Molly and saw that the pathologist wanted to come over to check on her and discuss bridesmaid dresses. Kairi replied that she would love her company.

She hopped into the shower to do her usual routine of hair and body maintenance. She felt optimism over her usual dread or emptiness as she hummed to herself while washing her hair. She even began whistling a preferred tune and giggled to herself, at least until she heard the scraping of nails on tile.

"No!" She screeched, but it was too late, Toby hastily clammored up the sides of the tub, clawing his way over the porcelain barrier to join his mistress in the shower. He loved water with a furious passion and the whistle from Kairi had done nothing but assure him that he was definitely invited in.

"Oh Toby!" Kairi said exasperated. Her frustration didn't last long as she was doing her best to stop her laughter from leaking out. He had always tried to join her in the shower and tub when he was tiny, it was only when he had grown to his full size that Kairi had to rectify the mistake of leaving her bathroom door open if she wanted to bathe alone.

This morning she was too preoccupied with her happiness that she forgot to latch the door. She allowed herself a laugh and decided to soap up the mongrel as well. Where Appa used to stare at her or pointedly not stare at her while in the bath, Toby would close his eyes and open his mouth while she rubbed him down with soap. He would bite at water droplets that tickled his nose or chase running suds down the drain. He was a very easy going pup, not that Appa wasn't, but he always had an attitude about certain things. Toby just seemed yo not have a care in the world. He enjoyed life as it came, whether it was lying in the sun that snuck in through the window or splashing in puddles on a rainy day. Kairi desperately wanted to adopt that same kind of persona where life was concerned.

After re-bathing herself, not wishing to smell of dog and all, she turned off the water and Toby pawed at the suds on the bottom of the tub, growling and yipping at their reluctance to play. She told him to stay while she dried herself off, closing the shower curtain to allow him to shake and wiggle the excess water from his limbs. Once wrapped up in her robe, she reopened the curtain to see him watching her with perked ears and a grin, as if surprised by her sudden materialization.

She grabbed a nearby towel and patted him as dry as he would get and then helped him lumber out of the tub and over to her counter where she could blow dry both of their hair. Luckily his short fur dried almost as quick as her hair. While he circled and spun, biting at the torrent of wind, Kairi couldn't help the smile on her face. When they were done with the blow dryer she'd leave his towel on the ground and he'd spend a good amount of time rolling around on it, getting all the bits that he believed underdone.

Sharing a shower, sipping coffee, having brunch with a close friend and possibly spending an afternoon with her boyfriend left her feeling at ease. They were all quite normal and domesticated activities — except perhaps the shower with the dog, but she'd try to leave that detail out. Once fluffy and content, dry and dressed, Kairi practically skipped into her kitchen to prepare her coffee and put down food for Toby. Knowing that Molly would arrive soon, she put on a kettle, thinking it might be nice to have some tea with her dear friend while they discussed bridesmaid dresses. She checked her pantry and was a little disappointed to realize that she didn't have any breakfast pastries or biscuits, but then her brain caught up and she recalled having a few cupcakes left over from her birthday. Really, cupcakes were just fancy muffins and they were made with strawberries, which were healthy, so it wouldn't be so odd to have them for breakfast.

As she laid everything out, her doorbell rang and Toby barked and whined at the door. The speed at which his tail wagged indicated the height of all possible excitement, so Kairi knew it must be Molly. Sharing Appa's wonderful taste in humans, Molly was one of Toby's favorite people. Kairi walked over and opened the door to see the pathologist, looking tentative, but with a bright smile on her face as Toby's whole body wagged around her, yipping for some attention. Kairi opened her mouth to say hello when Molly's eyes immediately darkened and her face fell to a frown.

"What?" Kairi muttered, unknowing of what would cause Molly to look so utterly pissed.

"Y-your neck…" Molly muttered after a tense moment of silence and rushed in, immediately dropping her bag, forgetting about the door and placing gentle hands on Kairi's bruises.

"Oh shit." Kairi muttered as Molly's eyes teared up, "Molly, I can explain…"

Molly looked up, furious and sad all at once, her eyes focusing on Kairi's face which was trying to seem apologetic, but had the tilt of happiness written all over. "Explain what? How he put his hands on you?! How he _hurt_ you!?"

Kairi sighed, grabbing Molly's hands gently and removing them from her neck. She hadn't cared much when she looked in the mirror and saw minor bruises in the morning. She knew it was bad, what happened between her and Sherlock, but he was right in the end, his brutality hadn't been left behind and her insecurities couldn't be fucked away. It wasn't like the anguish they had both been through could be turned on and off like a tap.

"Please, let's have some tea and I'll tell you what happened." Kairi begged. "It's about time you knew anyway." She resigned with tears brimming in her eyes.

Kairi always regretted not including Molly in on the depths of some of her secrets. In the beginning it felt like the less people who knew about what she had gone through, the better. Some things were too painful to really go into detail about and with Sherlock gone, she could almost pretend like maybe, it just didn't really happen. That type of thinking hadn't lasted long through her therapy and she did discuss some things with her dear friends, but there were always bits and pieces she could barely think about without losing herself in panic. Her relationship with Lestrade, though she knew it had helped her, was always something that burned a horrible guilt sized hole in her gut. When she looked back at her friend, her eyes were pleading with her to just offer one chance.

Molly nodded, grabbing her things a bit roughly, still riled but at least willing to listen and they started to go to the kitchen, to prepare their tea and coffee, when the person who was least wanted in the room decided to show up.

"Ah, Molly. I didn't expect you to be here." Sherlock muttered, smiling in his pedantic way as he adjusted his cuffs and strode through the open front door intending to get another cup of coffee from Kairi.

"Shit…" Kairi let out in a tight exhale and looked at Molly and then back at Sherlock who immediately halted his steps.

Molly's mouth went to a thin line upon hearing his voice. When she turned, shucking her bags once more into a heap on the floor, Sherlock's face dropped his sarcastic smirk and he watched as she approached him swiftly with fire in her eyes. He didn't stop what was about to happen. He knew he deserved it.

Molly slapped him, hard.

"How _dare_ you!" She rasped, tears forming in her eyes, grief and disappointment collapsing her throat. "How dare you lay a hand on her _or_ Lestrade!" She seethed, her voice shaking with her timid rage.

"Molly wait!" Kairi muttered dumbly and followed after her. Kairi tried to step between them, Molly furious and Sherlock looking like a whipped boy, a sad acceptance permeating his features.

"No." Molly shook her head, her voice despondent but firm. She placed a gentle hand on Kairi, keeping her from moving to Sherlock's side, "No, don't defend him! I don't care what has happened, nothing excuses violent outbursts! It's petty and _stupid _and— and—and _common!_" She spat at Sherlock.

Sherlock took a step back, his shoulders slumping as he let out a heavy exhale. "I understand that there are some things you are unaware of Molly," Sherlock said in a soft and level tone, "I see that it may be wise for me to attend other duties while you two discuss things." He stiffened, not daring to say anything else because the look in Molly's eyes was deadly.

"Yes, I think it's wise you leave." Molly almost growled, her cheeks flushing red with her ire. "And you'd be wise to distance yourself from Kairi, Sherlock, she doesn't deserve _this." _Molly motioned to the slight bruising on Kairi's neck and shoulder, "She deserves much better than you."

Sherlock's lips were almost not existent as he chewed on them, actually looking nervous. He nodded to Molly, pain vibrant in his eyes as he went to turn. He chanced a glance at Kairi, who was teary as she looked between Molly and Sherlock obviously unsure of what to do. He nodded to her once and she gave him a weak smile before he tore his eyes away.

He left swiftly and Molly slammed the door after him. She pounded over to the kitchen and began to noisily make her tea while Kairi followed her hesitantly, a tiny bit scared. When Molly finally sat at Kairi's table, thinking heavily and looking downright pissed as she glared at her cup, Kairi approached and placed a plate of cupcakes in front of her. Molly looked at the offending pastries and back up at their baker, looking apologetic and nervous. A small smile tickled at Molly's lips, watching her friend looking downright mousey.

"There's a lot to explain." Kairi said in a small voice and then chuckled nervously. She sat down slowly, stiff and unsure of where to even start.

"Go on, I fear I'm in for a long discussion." Molly shook her head, "I can't _believe_ him. Showing his face like that and acting like nothing happened!"

Kairi sighed, "I'm sorry, it's probably our fault. Things have been extremely consuming so far with us reuniting."

Molly sort of sighed and looked at her friend while she sipped tea, "Out with it then."

Kairi swallowed a sip of her coffee and looked at Molly who had a semi-subdued Toby inching closer to her to lay his head on her lap. No doubt eager for scratches and crumbles of cupcakes.

Kairi exhaled heavily and decided to just get the worst part over with, "Four months ago, Lestrade and I slept together." She spat it out quickly and then tensed for the reaction.

Molly choked on her most recent swallow. She sputtered, wiping at her mouth and staring at Kairi in absolute shock, "I'm sorry, _what_?"

Kairi grimaced, "When my mother passed, I got sort of lost. You remember how horrible I was."

Molly nodded, "Yeah, I remember." She said sadly. "We were all really concerned for you."

Kairi gave her an appreciative smile, "I know and I was really confused and in pain. Therapy was helping to a degree, but, I don't know I was just really, really disoriented." She took another sip, "Lestrade was around a lot and I had this stupid idea in my head that I was this magnet for disaster. Like a shitstorm lightning rod, I was nothing good and I could never, ever _be_ good." She had to swallow back the acute torment, because it was so easily refreshed in her mind, "I was starting with nightmares again, drinking too much. I was even tempted with cutting myself again." Molly gasped and Kairi sighed, "After my dad died, in college, I had done it a few times, but my mother caught me before she deteriorated, before I could do too much damage." Kairi bit her lip and tried not to cry, "Lestrade was there for me. He helped me through a lot of it and was just good to me in general. He was going through a lot with the divorce and we both just needed someone."

Molly sighed lightly, "Why didn't you reach out to me? You knew this wouldn't be good."

Kairi chuckled, "I know, but like I said, I thought I was poison. You and John were in the midst of looking for a venue and I just didn't want to taint your happiness. It was extremely selfish and close-minded."

Molly let a tear leak out, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Kairi smiled back and reached over to grasp Molly's hand, "You couldn't be, I wouldn't let you. But Lestrade was, he was going through horrible shit with his ex-wife. We both needed each other and it was just this sort of desperate thing we agreed to. It was one time and it helped us both, but we both agreed that it wouldn't happen again. We didn't want that from each other."

Molly sighed and added a mutter, "He would, you know."

Kairi was shocked out of her own thoughts, "Would what?"

"Lestrade. He'd want that from you," Molly insisted, "If you ever got over Sherlock —,"

Kairi shook her head, "No Molly, there's no _getting over_ Sherlock." She said in a sad sort of way, "Him and I, we just have a bond that I don't have with anyone else. Greg knows that." Kairi steeled herself for what was to come, "What I went through…" She began as tears formed in her eyes, "It wasn't just to break me, Molly. Moran wanted to break Sherlock too."

Molly looked befuddled, "I don't understand. Why would Moran want to hurt Sherlock?"

Kairi sighed, "He was Moriarty's right hand. The way he talked about him and the way he hated Sherlock, I assume Moran and Moriarty's relationship when a bit further than employee and employer. He seemed really affected by Moriarty's death." She glanced at Molly who looked a bit shocked, "The thing is, and no one else knows this, but what Moran did was just as much about hurting me as it was about hurting Sherlock."

Molly was on the verge of tears again, "Did he — to Sherlock?"

Kairi bit her lip, "No. Not to Sherlock, but he —," Kairi reined in a sob, shutting her eyes and regretting it as Moran's face flashed before her eyes, "Moran raped me in front of him. Forced Sherlock to watch. He beat him to gain compliance from me; if I acted out, he'd hurt Sherlock." Kairi shuddered, opening her eyes when Sherlock's tormented face formed in her thoughts, "He tried to use us against each other. Threatened to kill Sherlock if I — I didn't do what —what he wanted." Kairi finished in a small voice. Her body shook drastically with the memory and the disgust that washed over her. She couldn't stop herself from weeping.

"Oh God." Molly sobbed and reached out, taking Kairi's cup out of her hand and then pulling her into her arms. "Oh God, that's so beyond horrible." Molly shuddered out a harsh breath as she held Kairi close, "I love you so much, I'm so sorry." She whispered against her broken friend.

Kairi quaked in Molly's arms, the pain of what happened to her and Sherlock would have to be unveiled, it would have to be exposed in some manner for everyone else to understand just how much they meant to one another. This was a new story that needed to be written between them and their friends. It seemed that the first few acts had not been well received. There was too much subtext to be observed or explained. It would be a difficult process, but eventually their friends may come to understand the tragedy of Sherlock and Kairi's relationship. It didn't make much sense, how ferociously they cared for the other person, how ill-advised their behavior would seem, without some explanation. The justification was threaded within their suffering.

"That's why I sent him off. It's why I asked him to leave." Kairi cried, "And he did it. He did it because he was mad and he couldn't do anything about it. I killed Moran, Molly, I shot him I don't even know how many times! I killed him and it ended up helping me, in this horrible way, but it didn't help Sherlock." She sobbed, turning her face into Molly to hide from the world, "I couldn't focus on anything except the hate. I couldn't see that he was lost too. He was in pain and he left and I was so selfish."

Molly took in a deep breath and pulled Kairi away from her, staring deep into her eyes with resolve, "Don't you start that with me." She insisted, her voice wavering, "Don't you dare say that you were selfish! You did what you needed to do and Sherlock is a stubborn man! If he didn't need it as much as you, he wouldn't have left!"

Kairi looked into the eyes of her friend, so very strong and resilient and she felt so proud to be loved by someone like Molly, "I'm sorry." She shook her head and Molly held her closer, "It's all a mess. We both are."

Molly gasped then, with a sudden realization. "Oh, now I see — he figured it out then? Sherlock figured out that you slept with Lestrade?"

Kairi sniffled, "Yeah, before I could tell him. We fought and he grabbed me." She sighed heavily, "I'm not excusing him hurting Lestrade or grabbing me, but he was just as confused as me. He's in pain too. I can't tell you what he's been through while he's been away, but he's not been in a good place either, Molly." She sat up to look Molly face to face, "When I told him he was hurting me, you should have seen the look on his face." She shook her head and cried, "I've never seen him so terrified in my life. Not after the bomb with the Sandman, not when we talked about how he felt for me, not even when we were with Moran." She was pleading with Molly now, "He was absolutely terrified." She sighed and admitted, "And I was too."

Molly shook her head, looking into Kairi's eyes and heaving out a deep breath, "Oh my."

Kairi just sort of chuckled at Molly's timid response, "Yeah, exactly. I told him about my reasons, I was honest about Lestrade. I told him everything I felt and thought about it all and…" Kairi sighed heavily as tears stung her eyes, "And he didn't leave. He stayed." She laughed and bit her lip, "I know it's _so odd_ Molly, but you need to afford him some sort of leniency. This is all so beyond fucked, I can't even begin to help you understand."

She looked at Molly who gnawed on her own lip and stared at her broken friend. Molly nodded slowly.

"I — I won't say I understand, because I haven't been through what you two have been through. I can't begin to even imagine…" Molly's voice broke and she cleared her throat, "All of it, I'm just so sorry." She shook her head, "I'm mad at him for his behavior towards Lestrade and putting his hands on you, but he has to know that can't happen. He can't behave this way with us, he can't act so savagely. We want to help. We love _you_. We love _him_. "

Kairi nodded, "I think Sherlock and I have been believing a very long time that we are completely undeserving of that sentiment." She looked up at Molly who looked pained, "You are right though, Molly, I can't fuck away the pain, I'm not that person and he can't act like a brute, but he definitely isn't that man. He doesn't want to hurt people, he doesn't." Kairi sighed, "But he has a lot of hate in him, a lot of pain, I think it took him over for a while. Now that he's back he's not sure how to be."

Molly slowly nodded, "Well he's got you." She said pointedly, "You are not darkness Kairi, you are just about everything that is bright in this world. If anyone can help him, it's got to be you and he's got to be willing to help himself.

Kairi smiled wide at Molly who beamed right back at her, "He is. I know he is. I just think it's harder for him than anyone else. He doesn't know love like we know it. It's different and it's so very scary to him."

Molly sighed, "Yes, I suppose so." She finally reached for her tea and took a sip, making a face because it had gone cold. She eyed a cupcake for a moment and slid the plate over to Kairi, "Eat up, I don't want to see you get emaciated again."

Kairi chuckled grabbing a pastry and then pushed the plate to her friend, "You either, the wedding isn't allowed to stress you out so much. You're already too skinny."

Molly scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue at her friend, "I'm perfectly within an acceptable body weight range, thank you very much."

Kairi gave her a wink and sipped her coffee. Toby happily received ear rubs from a thoughtful Molly.

"So…" Kairi began and Molly glanced at her nervously, "Dresses?"

Molly just chuckled, "Yeah, all right. Where's your computer?"

Kairi smiled wide as she got up and went to search for it.

—

Sherlock approached the apartment without hesitation. A deep seated distaste was coursing through his veins over what he was about to do, but he had enough decency to know it was required. He raised his hand and knocked on the door to the small apartment and waited to be allowed in.

The door opened slowly and only halfway, revealing a stiff looking man in plain clothes, "Oh for christ's sake, what do you want?" Lestrade grumbled, looking a bit worse for wear. "Not get a good enough beat down last night, you had to come back?"

Sherlock took in a breath, hackles rising at the challenge. He wouldn't admit it, but yes, he dearly wanted to punch the officer in the face. It was not befitting for the moment though. Sherlock did not allow himself insipid behaviors, especially not towards people he believed to be friends. Well, at least not often.

"I've come to apologize in a way." Sherlock growled through grit teeth.

Lestrade straightened and opened the door wider, a bitter grin on his face, "Well, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I guess I should accept it and apologize myself…" He paused giving Sherlock a tight grin, "In a way."

Sherlock adjusted his coat and then walked in. Lestrade closed the door behind him and motioned to the kitchen where he was preparing tea. Sherlock sat at the small dining table without invitation as Lestrade went about pulling out another cup, some milk and sugar. Sherlock tried very hard not to seethe about the fact that he was in the same room as the man who had slept with Kairi. The man who had placed his hands on the one thing Sherlock cherished most in this world. The bitterness was burning within him, but he tried to ignore it. He admitted his love for her and he meant it. This testament was something he was not likely to back down from. He should afford a certain amount of decency towards Lestrade, someone she cared for, and a man that he too once called a friend.

Lestrade approached with a tea tray and laid it on the table, pouring tea for Sherlock and himself before adding his own fixings to his cup. Sherlock went about adding some sugar and a bit of milk to his, stirring it gently. They both sat in a tenuous silence for a few minutes, sipping tea and neither man wanting to admit defeat and actually apologize first.

Lestrade put down his cup and leveled a glare at Sherlock who replied with his own scowl, "You know, I care a lot for her Sherlock. I'd gladly take a beating for Kairi, any day of the week." He cleared his throat and Sherlock tried not to bristle, "I know that you've been there already. I saw the aftermath of what happened between you two and Moran." He sat up straighter and softened his gaze on Sherlock who was still stiff and unyielding, "I can also put two and two together, I'm not a complete halfwit —," that earned a small scoff from the consulting detective, "—shut it — I know that your report was not exactly what happened. I know what he did to you both. I think I know what he forced on both of you in different ways."

Sherlock fought hard to keep control, the slightest clench of his jaw and twitch in his lip was enough to signal his discomfort and fury over the entire topic. No one needed to be privy to what Kairi had endured. No one needed to know just how much that entire episode broke Sherlock apart. "Yes, well I was hoping it wouldn't need to be exposed. Kairi had already gone through well enough."

Lestrade nodded, "Yeah I gathered that. It's why I didn't press the matter." He admitted gruffly, "It's why I took to being there for her when she wanted me. I don't just mean what happened between us, but over the entire last year, I was watching out for her."

Sherlock leveled him with a very serious glare, "As was I." He said through grit teeth.

Lestrade gave a small smile and sipped his tea, "Yeah, the homeless chap. Saw him hanging about every so often. Figured you'd have others keeping an eye out."

"Well, I guess I give you less credit than you deserve." Sherlock didn't hide his belittling smirk before sipping his tea. It was dreadful.

Lestrade chuckled, "I've been saying that to you for years."

Sherlock's smile quickly faded as he took another sip and was still left disappointed, "I understand what happened between you and Kairi while we were apart. I do not like it, but anything that truly helped her heal from our interaction with Moran is something I will be grateful for." The growl was forming on his lips and he tried his hardest to contain his rage, "Though I am thankful she wasn't alone during my time away, though I am happy someone was there for her when she needed it, it's within my knowledge to grasp a taken man when I see one." He slowly looked up at Lestrade who shifted slightly in his seat. "I am not a petty man Lestrade —," now Lestrade chuckled, which resulted in a small grimace from his pain, "—I am not _usually_ a petty man, but Kairi is…" Sherlock paused, the words thick in his throat, "She is important to me." Sherlock adjusted his stance, squaring himself to focus the full brunt of his glare upon Lestrade, "I understand that she is important to you as well and there was a time that she needed you, but that time is _over_."

Lestrade glared now, anger heavy in his tone, "Listen mate —,"

Sherlock interrupted, his voice even, but ebbing with his wrath, "No, _you_ listen, Lestrade. Your infatuation with her must end and it must end _now_."

Lestrade bristled, "You don't get it you prat! You don't get to tell me how to feel about her and you don't get to tell her how to feel about me. I care for that girl in a lot of ways. I understand she is _taken_, I'm not an idiot nor a bastard. I watch out for her and I'm a friend. I may not be _you_, _The Great Sherlock Holmes_," He spat with disdain, "but I'm a damn good man and she deserves all the good she can get." He added and stiffened, "If you even understood half of the way she feels about you, then you should be able to get that through your thick skull. She's a loving person and she always will be. Threaten me all day and night, but fact is, as long as she wants me, I'm gonna be there for her. You can't stop that."

Sherlock shook his head and laughed, "You misunderstand Lestrade. I'm not threatening you to stop being in her life or to stop being her friend. I am telling you that you can no longer feel for her to the extent that you do. Stop _lusting_ after her, don't attempt to persuade her into some sort of fantastical relationship with a _normal_ man." He growled, his grip on his tea cup tightening, "There are few things in this world that I am viciously protective of and Kairi is at the top of that list."

"Sherlock —," Lestrade said with a taught jaw.

"I am not telling you to be absent from her life. She is perfectly capable of distancing herself from that night with you. She already has." Sherlock spat and he had to admit, the tiny bit of sadness behind Lestrade's eyes pleased him, but he shook it off. He did not come here to get into a pissing match. He only came to clarify, "She cares for you and I accept that. However, she is precious to me." He growled, not wanting to admit to the deeper seeded feelings arising in his chest.

The anger in his chest was now forming towards the man who deserved it, the man who was long dead. He focused his glare on Lestrade, who looked resolved, "Kairi and I have a link to each other. A sordid connection forged through the deepest sort of anguish you can barely fathom. You do not know what that is like, nor am I sure you want to." He shook his head, gritting his teeth to remain in control, "You don't understand how painful it is to have such a small remnant of light, the smallest inkling of hope that you can merely survive the next day…" He looked at Lestrade again who's eyes were sad, "You don't know how it feels to need someone like that. To... Love someone that way." Sherlock regretted telling him the depth of his affection for Kairi the moment it left his lips.

Lestrade's jaw dropped in that moment, staring almost blankly at Sherlock who sat before him, looking furious, but vulnerable. Lestrade cleared his throat and grabbed his tea cup for a sip, "No Sherlock, I guess I don't."

Sherlock cleared his throat, "So we have an understanding?"

Lestrade nodded, "I promise you though, I'm not going anywhere. I care for her and if you so much as _look_ at her wrong, Sherlock I'll —,"

Sherlock snapped, "You'll do nothing!" He growled, "There was a time when I was a patient man Lestrade. There was a time when I was remotely even tempered, but I am no longer that man. I am _quickly_ losing my patience for people who believe to understand what Kairi and I have been through." He focused his most serious glare at the detective, "I would be most _appreciative_ if people stopped pretending they have any idea what is best for either of us."

Lestrade rolled his shoulders and stared back at the consulting detective and sighed, "Look, we just want to help you two."

Sherlock grimaced, "I think you've helped more than enough."

Lestrade sighed in response, "Sherlock, stop this…"

Sherlock rose his hand to halt Lestrade's speech, "Understand me Lestrade, you are her friend, you are even my friend despite my feelings towards your relationship with her. You, Molly, John, and even Mrs. Hudson have no idea what you are all facing at this point. Kairi and I barely do." He placed his cup back on the table and stood, "At this point, Kairi is my last link to peace. The sentiment I carry for the rest of you varies from person to person, but what her and I share is dark and dangerous. _None_ of you can grasp it. I did not come here because I am a violent, self-conscious, prideful man that feels threatened by your presence," He spat, "I came here because she is my last redeeming feature. She is my remaining link to the humanity that I have forsaken for so long. I will _not_ risk having her absent from me again. _That_ is why I came here." Sherlock turned from the conversation, admitting enough for the time being and wishing he never came.

"We may not get it, but we still want to be there for you two." Lestrade sighed.

Sherlock paused as he got to the door, his hand grasping the knob as he allowed himself one last glance, "And so you shall. But you cannot begin to understand why it is we need each other." He exhaled heavily and added, "And I almost hope that you never have to."

As he opened the door, Lestrade's phone rang.

"Sherlock, wait." Lestrade said hesitantly and Sherlock turned slowly, watching him look at his phone in surprise, "It's from Bart's."

Sherlock's interest was instantly piqued and he shoved thoughts of Kairi and Lestrade to the side for now.

"Yeah." Lestrade said into the phone and then glanced at Sherlock for a second and waved him back in. Sherlock rolled his eyes and closed the door, standing anxiously and waiting for the time for social interaction to be over. "Yeah. Be there in a bit, I've got Sherlock with me." He listened for a moment, "Right, call in Molly. I want her opinion on the lab reports." Lestrade hung up the phone and gave a small smile to Sherlock who was standing at the door and looking slightly uncomfortable. "Lucky you Mr. Holmes. Toxicology reports are back and they want me in. Evidently there's something odd with the results."

Sherlock looked inquisitive, "Odd?"

"Yeah, victim died of a heart attack, but had no history of heart issues that I know of." Lestrade smiled and he saw Sherlock begin ticking away at facts stored in his mind. "So, friends?"

Sherlock's eyes refocused on Lestrade and shot him a dark glare, "Don't get ahead of yourself. Get dressed," He growled and then a small smile crept onto his lips, "There's a killer on the loose."

* * *

_**A/N**_

_**Oh Mylanta! I have been so uninspired lately. I don't know why but my brain is MUSH. And it doesn't help that all I want to be doing is consuming Captain America media like a crazy person *sighs*... So this chapter was definitely less emotionally debilitating and I really, really am sorry for putting everyone through it.**_

_**Another point I want to bring up, since a lot of my stories deal with trauma and dark things, I WANT to know if any of my stuff actually triggers anyone. I'm very bad with tagging my stuff as I'm not accustomed to paying attention to triggering media - I don't know if I have a warped constitution or because I never know what will send me, personally, into a panic that I can't exactly anticipate what some people might find disturbing. So please let me know if there's anything specific that I can tag to help people out. My stories deal with pretty heavy stuff - it has to do with my own dealings and healings and I explore a lot of things in order to expand my thoughts and understandings and basically trying to show people that trauma and mental illness are not the end all be all of who you are. You can still love and be loved. You can define your own sexuality. You can choose your own partners and friends. You can even make mistakes. So I'm sorry if some of it ended up being too much for some readers. Please let me know what I can do, or if you want to talk, to help you out. You MATTER to me, not just the reviewers or the follows/favorites, but guests and anons and all of my hits. I MEAN it. Don't ever think that just because I don't know your name or what you look like that you don't matter to me because you do. You have helped me heal by listening to my words and exploring my characters and it has done AMAZING things for me, so please, know this, you matter to me and I will do whatever I can to fix any issues I may have contributed to. Or hell, if you just want to chat. You can find me on Tumblr: SaraRoseUrBoat or message me anyway on here. **_

_**Either way, like I said, we are essentially out of the woods as far as debilitating emotions go. This story is about rebuilding - and oh okay, murder, all right? You got me, I couldn't escape the murder part - and how these characters will learn to heal and find their lives again. It may not be the same or perfect, but they'll find happiness in their own ways. Which is beautiful to me and I still cant express my thanks enough to Flaming-Amber for the title of this story because gosh almighty, it just keeps becoming more and more true with each word I write (god, if I can get focused enough to actually write).**_

_**Much love my Holmies! And don't forget that at 100 reviews I'll post my smutlock! :D**_


	10. Chapter 10

Kairi and Molly sat at Molly's desk, flipping through results for blood and tissue tests from St. Bart's toxicology unit. Molly was frowning as she studied the information supplied regarding the alleged second victim and Kairi flipped through her copy, highlighting anything that seemed important. Kairi wasn't an expert and it wasn't exactly necessary, but she wanted to be useful.

"Molly, what's this about increased intraocular pressure?" Kairi mumbled, highlighting the measurements indicating the raised levels. "Is that important? Do eyes only swell when people get murdered or something?"

Molly shook her head slightly, highlighting something in her own pages, "Well, it's literally just the fluid pressure inside the eye."

Kairi shrugged, "Oh, I guess that's pretty straightforward. But why order tests on the eyeballs?"

Molly looked up, smiling pleasantly. If Kairi would have asked Sherlock it would have been a vigorous display of eye rolls and sighing before berating her stupidity. Molly just shrugged, "It's a pretty common practice actually, but I thought the eyes themselves looked a little odd and asked the techs to run some extra tests on them."

Kairi nodded and looked back down at the figures, "So there weren't any results indicating toxins in eye fluid? But you were right, the —" Kairi flipped back to see the abbreviation, "the IOP was raised — pretty drastically it seems. Could that be a result of the trauma?"

Molly scrunched up her face in thought, "Not likely the trauma, I'm a little lost with those results. No contamination, but increased IOP. Increased IOP usually an indication of someone suffering from glaucoma, but it's odd in this case because the victim didn't have glaucoma."

Kairi nodded, "That is kind of weird. Heart attack in an otherwise healthy heart. Increased fluid pressure in the eye indicative of glaucoma without glaucoma." She tapped her nails against her teeth for a moment and then addressed Molly again, "Did she take any medication that could cause increased IOP? Is that a thing? God, I hope it's not a thing… Medication to make your eyes burst!" Kairi gave a full body shudder at the thought.

Molly chuckled and was about to reply when the door to her lab crashed open and Sherlock and Lestrade came bounding in looking seriously pissed off, both of them jostling through the door at the same time, trying to fight for purchase. Molly glanced at Kairi whose own eyes looked to be a bit swollen as she took in their combined testiness. Molly tried not to chuckle and reached down to her desk to gather up two more copies of the lab results.

"Hello boys." Molly smiled a bit mischievously and it seemed that neither of them were in the mood for teasing.

"Results, Molly." Sherlock spat as he walked forward, whipping off his coat with a flourish. He stopped in front of Molly tossing the coat on her desk and reached out an expectant hand. She tried not to grin and she placed the stack of papers in his grasp. He glanced at Kairi and frowned at her shocked face. "What's wrong with you?"

She had been looking at Lestrade. He seemed irate compared to his usual air of nonchalance. She wanted to be concerned, but she was nervous over all of last night's happenings. She looked at Sherlock and then remembered to breathe, "Uh, nothing. Talking about eyeballs makes me squeamish."

He glared at her for a moment and his eyes ticked up and down her frame. "Oh." He sounded severely disinterested. Sherlock turned to the results in hand and opened up the packet to read through them quickly as Kairi shuffled over to Molly's desk to sit and hide.

"Give me a summary Molly?" Lestrade said, slightly glaring in the direction of the retreating Kairi. He knew it wasn't the time to be bringing up any of the drama of the last twenty-four hours. He cleared his throat, finally shook off most of his ire, and gave Molly a small smile.

"Right, well," Molly began, flipping through her notes, "Patient ended up dying from pulmonary edema caused by a heart attack."

"And that's odd because? She was getting ripped into little bits, I'm sure it was something like shock." Lestrade intoned, glancing at the numbers that seemed to swim before his eyes.

Sherlock scoffed at that and Molly tutted him, replying to Lestrade, "Yes, well, I mean circulatory shock could do it, but I didn't find alarmingly varied levels of oxygen in the sampled tissues which is usually our indicator. So no, I don't think the heart attack was caused by her injuries."

"Any drugs present in her system?" Lestrade added as an aside as he flipped through the pages.

Molly frowned and dug through her papers again, "Yes, just a moment."

Sherlock finally chimed in, "Galantine and Citalopram." He let his mind wander, trying to see if these drugs and their uses were archived in his mind palace.

"Yes." Molly added slowly, "Hold on, I think they added what those are commonly used for."

"Those are Alzheimer's medications." Kairi piped up from Molly's desk, leaning around the computer she was artfully hiding behind. She shifted uncomfortably as everyone looked to her. "My mother was put on some of them in the earlier days of her diagnosis." Kairi said disjointedly, staring at the charts again, "Did the victim have Alzheimer's?"

Sherlock chuckled, "No, no she did not. As a triage nurse, I would assume she'd need to be in top condition."

Lestrade nodded, "Right, no Alzheimer's, no history of heart problems, what the hell would she need those medications for? Would they cause a heart attack?"

Molly shrugged, "No, not that's been documented." She flipped through the pages again, searching for something that was tickling against her thought process, "There was something else. Something else to do with blood and tissue that was off."

"Uhhh," Kairi began flipping back through her notes to see if she'd highlighted anything within that section, "well, you already mentioned normal levels of oxygen in tissue samples." She said, sounding exasperated.

"Right." Molly frowned further and Lestrade was digging through the papers as well, leaning in to peak at Molly's to see what notes she had scribbled on the side.

"Not this?" He pointed to a particular section of her writing that was almost illegible.

"No…" Molly said sounding abnormally frustrated, and Lestrade made a nervous face and backed off.

"Hormones?" Kairi added a little desperately.

"No, damn! Where is it?" Molly grumbled and the only sound for the next ten-seconds was quiet murmuring and the hasty shuffling of papers.

"Potassium Levels?" Lestrade said slowly, reading the figures that had been flagged within his copy of the results.

"Yes!" Molly said excitedly, "Increased levels of Potassium in muscle tissue. It could have been a cause for the heart attack." She stared down at her pages again, "Now, why increased levels of potassium?"

"Lots of bananas?" Kairi added mostly to herself, but the silence that ensued made her look up at the faces of her friends around her who all seemed positively unamused. "Right. The computer expert will shut up now."

"Good." Sherlock grumbled as he placed the papers on one of the autopsy tables and sat himself on a stool. Kairi spat something in an undertone that he did not catch, but he ignored it. He resumed his thinking stance and closed his eyes while he began to process the bare facts of the toxicology examination in the silence of the room. The only drugs in the victim's system were Galantine and Citalopram, which Kairi so helpfully classified as Alzheimer's medications. Increased levels of potassium in the blood could have been result of a kidney malfunction.

"Did the victim have kidney issues?" Sherlock spoke aloud, not directly addressing anyone in particular.

Another shuffling of papers, "No." Molly chimed in, "You're thinking the Hyperkalemia is a clue?"

Sherlock's eyes remained closed, "Yes well, no burns, no tumors, no kidney problems — why would potassium levels be raised?" He hummed for a short moment. "What were you discussing before we arrived? Something to do with eye balls?"

Molly chuckled, "Yeah, the victim had increased intraocular pressure."

Sherlock opened his eyes and frowned as he looked at Molly, "Glaucoma?"

Molly shook her head in response and then went back to looking through the results.

Sherlock hummed slightly and closed his eyes for another moment. He tried to think back on the evidence that was at the scene of the crime. The victims were staked down, cut up, but did not actually die from their injuries. As Molly has mentioned, shock was out, but two elderly though healthy people with seemingly fine hearts both died from violent heart attacks. Though no medication or drug was present in their blood and tissue samples to indicate why their hearts were under an increased amount of stress, the hearts eventually gave out resulting in a quick escape from their disembowlment.

Abduction, subjugation, immobilization, laceration, and vivisection; all of these things were the requirements of the Sandman. Vivisection and laceration were done so with surgical precision using a surgical instrument. Immobilization was completed with brutal force and the use of rudimentary, if slightly evocative tools. Abduction occurred when the victims were tired or unsuspecting, coming home from a long day at work or a relaxing night at the nearest club. Subjugation was the only thing that was missing from this conundrum and Sherlock was beginning to grow tired of the lacking evidence. No head wounds that would have stunned the victim; no drug present in the blood stream to knock them out; it occurred in a relatively public place so it would need to be quick and efficient in rendering a person unconscious. All of these things were pointing to something he was missing and it was infuriating. He retreated back into his mind palace and tried to calm his annoyance.

"OH!" Sherlock erupted and everyone jumped in surprise.

Kairi dropped her stack of papers in surprise and cursed, kneeling to the ground as she swept them up. She glanced up at Sherlock who had that wide predatory grin on his face as he grabbed the documents again and began typing on his phone while reading back and forth. He was mumbling to himself, chucking while he flipped through whatever was on his mobile's screen.

"What is it?" Lestrade finally asked, annoyed at the display.

Sherlock slammed down his papers and smiled wide at Lestrade and Molly. His eyes searched for Kairi until he found her on the floor sweeping up papers, "What are you doing on the floor? I'm trying to be brilliant here and you're missing it."

Kairi shot him a dirty look but there was a bit of humor in it, "You surprised me with your girlish squeal of excitement and I dropped all my papers."

Sherlock scowled at her, "I do not _squeal_."

Lestrade rolled his eyes and cleared his throat pointedly, "Sherlock…"

Sherlock looked to Lestrade and leveled him with an ominous glare and then remembered why he was speaking in the first place and added as an aside, "Patience dear Inspector - though that's not your strong point." Sherlock refocused his thoughts, "Ah yes!" He chuckled again and shook the phone in his hand. "You see, it's what we are missing that is the most important factor."

Lestrade and Molly froze, staring at him quite confusedly.

"What?" Molly murmured, staring at Sherlock as Kairi finally stood, rearranging her papers as she came to stand with the rest of them. "What have we missed?"

"Well, it should be of no surprised that Lestrade missed it, slow as he is." Sherlock added quickly which resulted in an incensed huff from the Inspector, "It's not what's there, it's what isn't there."

Kairi gave Sherlock an odd look and chuckled, "_Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."_

Sherlock glanced at her, his mind quieted for a moment and he felt a rush of endorphins flow through his already stimulated thoughts. "We have evidence of means for his other methods — kidnapping, cutting, gutting, pining down… But we are missing the _how_…"

Lestrade broke the reverie, "Are you all right? Sounds like you're speaking tongues. What in the hell does that even mean? What is the _evidence_ Sherlock?"

Kairi chuckled placing her papers on the desk and approaching Lestrade, "Simply because there _isn't_ evidence of something doesn't mean that this something doesn't exist." She faced Sherlock, a glittering in her eyes now that she'd caught on. "So, you're saying the absence of data is representative of how he subdues his victims?"

"I could kiss you." Sherlock blurted out and then blushed slightly, clearing his throat and turning away from her.

Kairi smiled wide, leaning into the table next to Lestrade, "Do you frequently kiss people you take on cases?"

Sherlock scowled at her and ignored her comment and practically snarled back at her, "What we are not finding is a clue."

"I'm sorry what? Maybe we shouldn't have brought you in yet. Maybe you still need to acclimate." Lestrade intoned again, clearly frustrated with the tone of the conversation. That earned him a deep glare from Sherlock.

Molly chuckled, but it soon fell into a frown, "So you're saying that the absence of some sort of evidence is actually further proof that there really is something we should be looking for?" Molly scoffed, "That's counterintuitive."

Sherlock smiled back at Molly, "Only when the absence of evidence indicates a fallacy of informal logic."

Kairi chuckled, "So the absence of results for the blood and tissue tests are implying…" She paused, her mind going blank for a second, "Shit, wait, now I'm confused."

"Can we stop the philosophical chat?" Lestrade grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Sherlock what the hell do you _have_?"

Sherlock smiled, "What we have here is proof that there is the absence of evidence."

"God damnit…" Lestrade grumbled, "Fucking mental, you are."

"Shut up." Sherlock growled and then continued, "In the first murder we had almost no evidence to go on. The body was already eight to ten hours old and most of the evidence had already been metabolized or degraded in that time because the organs had been exposed to the outside world. Nothing could be victim's massive heart attack was all you had to go on other than the evisceration. The heart attack could have been caused by the trauma in combination with his old age — so that salient factor was pretty much ignored."

He smiled now, glancing between his phone and flipping through the toxicology notes, "Now we have the second victim whose body was only approximately four hours gone since time of death. Evidence had not degraded as drastically in that span of time, as we were able to find the Alzheimer medication and the increased levels of potassium in blood and tissue, not to mention increased intraocular pressure."

"What?" Lestrade still looked confused. "Those are all unique factors. What do they have to do with what we are missing? Maybe it was too soon to call you in mate." He spat a little bitterly.

Sherlock waved him away and continued, "What we are looking at isn't just the evidence, it's the _symptoms._" Sherlock smiled and glanced at Molly and Kairi whose frowns deepened as they glanced at the material again.

"Right." Molly nodded, "No, wait, not right. Repeat that?"

Sherlock rolled his eyes and turned sharply, beginning to stalk around the lab as he spoke, "What these results have shown us is that the second victim died of pulmonary edema cause by a heart attack. No history of any heart issues and yet here we are!" He chuckled, "Now, sudden heart attack, pulmonary edema, Hyperkalemia, increased IOP, all of these occurrences were taken in as separate, finite pieces of evidence." He came closer to the group again.

"So you think they are all connected?" Kairi added and flipped through the papers, glancing up at a grinning Sherlock as he passed in front of her.

"Toxicology suggests that they aren't connected though. The only substances in her blood and tissue were the Alzheimer meds — Molly already told us that those weren't the cause. How is something that isn't there supposed to tell us what's actually there?" Lestrade paused for a moment, repeating his sentence in his head to make sure it actually made sense.

Sherlock chuckled, "Ah, yes but the absence of proof of the connection's occurrence cannot be used as positive proof of its non-occurrence."

"What?" Molly muttered, "Sherlock, enough with the philosophy!"

"Please, it's ludicrous — even for you." Lestrade scoffed and Sherlock scowled at him.

Sherlock ignored the infuriating inspector and walked over to Kairi who was deep in thought, staring down at her papers, "So, something — _evidence_ that links all of these together is missing? Well, there was no evidence of exterior coercion so it must be interior." She paused and looked up at Sherlock who was staring at her intently, "So where could it have gone? If it's not in the body it means…well it had to disappear somehow." She stared down at the paper again, "What can the body burn through that quickly?"

Sherlock smiled wide and pulled Kairi in for a deep kiss which surprised her but left her pliant and a bit fuzzy brained when he walked away, practically skipping.

"So what causes all of these things? How can we tie them together?" Sherlock smiled wide taking in the thoughtful Molly, the confounded Lestrade, and the willowy Kairi. He stalked in front of them, back and forth, back and forth for a few minutes while they stood there thinking, "Oh come now, all of you are so dull!"

Lestrade growled, "Damnit all Sherlock, just tell us you smarmy prick!"

He chuckled and tossed his phone to Lestrade who just barely caught it against his chest, "What?" Lestrade murmured, bringing up the phone and swiped it open, checking the website that was on the screen. "What the hell is suck-suckeen-suckeenal — what the _hell_ is this?"

"Succinylcholine!" Molly shouted excitedly and looked up at Sherlock who was grinning at her.

"Not just Succinylcholine, but most likely Rocuronium as well." He grinned and then looked to Kairi who was beaming at him brightly. "Two popular, powerful, fast acting, and most importantly _quickly_ metabolizing anesthetics."

"So these things wouldn't show up on a tox-screen because they metabolize too quickly?" Kairi smiled, looking at Molly and Sherlock.

Sherlock nodded, "Correct, this specific anesthetic is a nicotinic acetylcholine receptor agonist, used to induce muscle relaxation and short-term paralysis." He glanced back at Lestrade, "All of the symptoms in our victim, heart attack, potassium levels, intraocular pressure levels, are all indicative of a Succinylcholine and Rocuronium overdose."

Molly frowned, "But the likelihood of overdose is quite small — even when used improperly. Specific factors must be present for someone to go in Hyperkalemia and have that cause a heart attack. Not to mention, paralysis from those two anesthetics only range from something like eight minutes to an hour tops!"

Sherlock smiled wide again and chuckled, "Yes, our killer is quite knowledgeable. That is why he used the alzheimer's medication. Those two inhibit butyrylcholinesterase, which quickly degrades Succinylcholine. If butyrylcholinesterase is inhibited, its presence in plasma is greatly reduced, thus allowing paralysis to last much longer while still keeping his victims alive and subdued." He glanced at the papers again, "It's also why they had heart attacks when no medical history indicated heart problems: Hyperkalemia caused by the Succinylcholine and the massive trauma with nothing to inhibit it."

Lestrade grumbled, "Great. How can this help us?"

Sherlock sighed, "First of all, you cannot just purchase Succinylcholine and Rocuronium at your local drug store. It's used within the medical community and highly monitored. If our killer is purchasing or stealing it, we might be able to track him through that."

Kairi's eyes widened, "I thought you didn't think The Sandman was a doctor?"

Sherlock shook his head, "I don't and that makes him easier to catch. Doctors would easily be able to steal a small amount of those anesthetics without incurring much resistance. However, if our man is not in the medical profession, as I believe, then he would be at higher risk of getting caught, it'd be more difficult for him to acquire. So he's either stealing it or purchasing it illegally."

Lestrade nodded, "Right, so check with local hospitals to see if there's been any reports of stolen anesthetic?"

Sherlock nodded adding snappishly, "Paralytic to be more precise." Lestrade rolled his eyes. "And I can probably ask a few of my homeless network about medical supply trade on the streets. I doubt most people desire to get high by being paralyzed, however, I've been witness to stranger things."

Kairi shrugged, "So he injects them with this paralytic and that keeps them subdued while he works on them." She looked at the files and her eyes began watering, "But they're conscious aren't they? They can still feel everything?" She swallowed heavily, looking up at Sherlock who dropped his smile instantly. She still saw it and it still stung slightly. She had to remember, they were cases and only cases to him.

He nodded clearing his throat, "Unfortunately, yes."

Molly let out a ragged sigh, "My God, that's horrible."

Sherlock chuckled and then went defensive upon the looks he received from his colleagues, "Yes, it's _horrible_ but it could also lead us to catching him which at this point is more _important_ than being weepy over two already dead people."

Kairi shuddered, "Oh Sherlock." She gave him a cold stare and he looked at her as if he just pointed out the sky is blue and she contested it. "I know, you're doing the right thing. Being sad for them won't help us find him, but for some people it drives them to work harder."

He frowned, "How can grief possibly help people?" This simple notion seemed completely antithetical to his own experience.

She gave him a sad smile, "Fight or flight Sherlock. Sometimes fear and pain makes people do things they wouldn't normally do."

Sherlock thought on this for a moment, looking at Kairi: a genuinely loving and caring person that had first hand experience with pain and fear influencing her behavior. He nodded to her, swallowing heavily, remembering just how hopeless he had felt in the face of it all. He shook his head, dispelling the emotions for another time — or possibly never. She gave him a small smile and nodded back.

Molly cleared her throat, "So, we have the _hows_ all squared away." She glanced between Sherlock and Lestrade who both seemed thoughtful, "Now the _why_."

Kairi nodded, "Right. The why is different though isn't it?"

Sherlock nodded, sitting himself next to Kairi who was still leaning on the table, "Yes, his _modus operandi_is quite fascinating. Varying age aside from _older_, varying sex, varying jobs, but almost identical methods of murder." He frowned, glancing to Kairi who also seemed thoughtful.

"And there's absolutely no connection between the two?" Kairi said to Lestrade.

"Glad I'm still getting included." He spat and then looked at Kairi who was frowning. He shook his head, sighing heavily, "Nope, nothing we could find. They didn't even work in the same area or had interactions. Barnes' jurisdiction wasn't close to Shoehill's hospital and they pretty much lived, worked, and grew up in London, but it's a big place. A lot of people remain unconnected. Sherlock didn't find anything either."

Sherlock shot him a dark scowl but then returned to his thoughts, "Yes well, once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." Sherlock mumbled more so to himself than anyone else. "There has to be _something_ that connects them."

"Right, well, that _something_ isn't apparent yet," Lestrade chuckled and added sarcastically, "even to your ever shinning brilliance, so for now, all we have is random coincidence."

Sherlock chuckled ruefully turning back to Lestrade, "Only the lazy believe in coincidences."

Lestrade went to reply scathingly but Kairi shouted, "ENOUGH!"

Both men blanched at her tone and looked at her, appearing accosted by her outburst.

Kairi rolled her eyes and placed her hand on Sherlock's arm once she noticed Lestrade visibly bristle, "We aren't going to do this." She gave both Lestrade and Sherlock a firm look, "You two are going to be amicable and mature adults." She pointed a Sherlock while looking at Lestrade, "He's going to insult you because he can be a massive dickhead. He's no less brilliant now than he was before, simply because he's back and we are together and emotions are involved." Sherlock grimaced and Lestrade bit his lip and sighed heavily, looking less riled.

She focused her glare at Sherlock who dared look smug for a moment and pointed to Lestrade, "He's going to be the same detective inspector he always was and will ask for your help when he's desperate. He is still just as loyal and dependable and smart in his own right. There are a lot of cases he solves quite effectively without you." Sherlock pouted, if only for a second.

She glared back and forth between them, "I am not some _thing_ you get to trot out to get a rise out of each other and get pissed over. I'm a human being who has made certain decisions that both of you have agreed to be somewhat accepting of." She glared between them and both men visibly, if slightly, cowered before her, "Now, there is a murderer on the loose and London needs its best Inspector and its best Detective to solve the god damn crime. If you're _quite_ done with your dick measuring contest, I think it'd be best if we started actually investigating!"

Both men stiffened, pride obviously a bit wounded now that Kairi shut them both down for their immature behavior. Molly had a hand over her mouth and a positively delighted gleam in her eyes.

Lestrade sighed heavily, glancing at Sherlock to see if he'd go first, "Sorry love."

Sherlock's head shot to glare at Lestrade but Kairi slapped his shoulder gently. When he turned to look at her, obviously upset, she was giving him a pleading look, "Yes well, I guess we should start our prospective investigations."

Kairi sighed as well, "You'll need to cooperate."

He frowned at her, "I'm always cooperative."

She gave him a humored sort of grin and rolled her eyes, "Yes, right."

They all chuckled a bit at the obvious lie and then heaved out a collective breath. No one was going to be body slamming or head butting anyone in the near future — not as long as Kairi could help it. She was painfully aware of the strain caused by the situation. It resonated deep within her chest and made her skin overly sensitive. A tickling sense of panic crept up her spine as she thought about hurting Lestrade or Sherlock. She cared them both in very distinct ways and she didn't want to hurt either of them. They both had special meaning in her life and were important in different ways. She had taken advantage of their compassion for her and the guilt registered deep within her gut.

"Come along then," Sherlock smiled to Kairi, knocking her out of her thoughts, "We must discuss medical supply trade with my homeless network."

Kairi nodded and turned back to Molly, "We've got your engagement party in two weeks, do you want to go shopping for it?"

Molly heaved out a tense breath, from the altercation or the wedding stress Kairi wasn't so sure, "Yes, please."

Kairi smiled, "Good. We've got some more dress things to look at. Do you want to come back over later?"

Molly sighed, "Oh I've got dinner with John planned. First night we've both been off at relatively the same times."

Kairi chuckled and leaned in to hug Molly, "Right, well if you want, I'd be happy to make us all dinner."

Molly smiled and squeezed her back, "I'll check with John and see if he's interested. I'll text you later."

Kairi nodded and then walked her way over to Lestrade who was rubbing the bridge of his nose, no doubt fighting a monumental head ache. She glanced back at Sherlock who looked absolutely tense and she sighed, turning back to Lestrade and reaching out slowly to grab his hand, "You should get some acetaminophen for your head aches."

He chuckled and looked into Kairi's eyes and sighed with a sort of bitter humor, "You've been here long enough, we call it paracetamol here, you stupid Yank."

She chuckled at him, "I'm sorry about all of this. We really need to get together to talk, okay?"

Lestrade nodded. He reached out slowly to put his hand on Kairi's cheek but noticed Sherlock shift ever so slightly in the background. He went to drop his hand and Kairi huffed out a frustrated sigh and lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his midsection which was quite sore. But as he wrapped his arms around her small frame, cocooning herself against his chest he just chuckled lightly and held her close, feeling the pain and frustration ebb. "Right, just let me know when you've got time."

She squeezed him again gently and stepped back, smiling brightly, "I will."

Lestrade reached out and patted her cheek and Kairi smiled, turning back to look at Sherlock who was stiff and staring down at his phone — his usual tactic for pretending he wasn't paying attention. At least he had the decency to do that instead of glare at her and Lestrade. She walked up to him and reached out to place a hand on his arm. He dropped his glare to her, raising an eyebrow and seeming stoic and cold. She gave him a tiny smile and he sighed, his shoulders dropping slightly as he pocketed his phone and reached out his hand to her. She smiled and gripped his large hand in hers before grabbing their coats and making their way out of St. Bart's to find a cab back to Baker Street.

Once in the cab, Kairi leaned into Sherlock's shoulder and he felt himself go slightly warm at her presence. He was having difficulty quashing the jealousy brewing in his gut. He knew that he had a small right to feel the way he did and Kairi did not begrudge him that, but she had been clear about behaving in a proper way. His animosity and rage would have to be quieted. He supposed that perhaps with time and a few cigarettes they would find forgiveness again. He would forgive her decision made in desperation, he would forgive Lestrade for caring too much as long as it did not infringe upon Sherlock's relationship with Kairi, and Kairi, as always, would be forgiving of Sherlock's temperament. He glanced down at her, curling into his side and smiling as she glanced out the window. He wanted to kiss her again. It seemed like it had been far too long since he'd felt her lips on his.

He cleared his throat, "Kairi, may I kiss you?"

Kairi looked up at him, her eyes clear and happy, "Yes of course. You don't always have to ask." She smiled and he bent down to kiss her but she began talking again, "Oh, but don't just like attack me out of nowhere. I might hit you. Probably it'd be best to give me some indication, maybe just look at me tenderly or put a hand to my cheek. Just make sure I see you, if you throw me against a wall or something I might react instinctively and kick you in the nuts and I don't want to hurt your nuts, I just -,"

"Kairi." Sherlock interrupted firmly and she shook herself from her diatribe and looked back up at him.

"Hm?" She smiled as if she'd been saying something particularly enlightening.

"Do shut up and let me kiss you." He chuckled as he reached a hand up to cup her cheek.

She rolled her eyes, pretending to be bothered, "Oh, all right." She smiled wide as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

The warmth, the taste, the feeling of skin on skin was so invigorating, absolutely enthralling. They ended up in a heated embrace, mouths equally exuberant in their attempts to fortify their relationship through physical expression. It wasn't until Kairi let out a most aggressive moan that the cabbie cleared his throat heavily and they decided to disengage. They adjusted in their seats, Kairi looking sheepish and Sherlock looking positively murderous as he glared at the back of the taxi driver's head.

"So, homeless network?" Kairi intoned, clearing her throat and trying to seem like they didn't just dance upon the edge of inappropriate behavior.

Sherlock nodded, "Yes, it's a group of vagrants who I pay to keep me well informed of activity within London. There's only so much the news, the police, and the common witness actually observe. The homeless come and go as they please and are pointedly ignored by the general populace. They can be anywhere and hear anything. They are societal rejects in almost all cases, however, they've proven highly useful and some of them are very intelligent."

Kairi looked impressed, "Well there's only a few letters difference between Holmes and homeless, so it's no surprise that there's some brilliance out there." She gave him a tight smile and he rolled his eyes and sighed heavily at her intolerable sense of humor. She just chuckled, watching him so thoroughly finished with speaking to her, but she pushed on, "An interesting set of people you've probably got assembled. Regular irregulars." She glanced at Sherlock and smiled wide, "I like that, Sherlock's Baker Street Irregulars. You should make t-shirts!"

He gave her a disgusted sort of look, "That would surely defeat the purpose of their anonymity."

Kairi just chuckled and leaned into Sherlock, sighing heavily, "Oh I missed you, you big curmudgeon." He scoffed at that, but then leaned into her touch, reaching out a hand to place on her leg with a small smile gracing his lips.

* * *

_**A/N**_

_**Ok so I love this chapter... I love it so much. I'm really proud of it...How proud? Soooo many.**_

_**This is starting to delve back into some normalcy, back into the thrill of the case which is definitely important for Sherlock's development. I am REALLY sorry that John hasn't been around very much, but he will be. I promise, he's suuuuuuuuper special to me as a fictional human being so I want you to know the rest of the story, though focused on the case and Kairi/Sherlock's relationship, it will have a bit more balance of side characters - especially to the tune of John and Molly's wedding. **_

_**Please let me know what you think :D**_

_**Anyway, you glorious bastards decided to go ahead and review my story so many times that GUESS WHAT!? **_

_***Chorus of angels singing* SMUTLOCK TIME BITCHES...I'll go through my diatribe in the actual chapter. I essentially just used Kairi as a character place holder... But it is different and it doesn't have anything to do with this story at all... I just wanted to use their bodies in order to write some fun dom/sub smut. If it is not your thing then don't read it, or read it and see if it maybe is your thing, but definitely, please DO NOT say anything remotely negative about dom/sub relationships. Like I said, I have a big diatribe about it in the actual chapter. Its on my profile as its own individual story, I was originally going to put it into SSoI but... well, it really has nothing to do with Sherlock and Kairi's story as I was just using them as place holders...Either way... Its titled Smutlock: Safe, Sane, Consensual :D**_

_**I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and the set up for further Sandman goodness. Think of Smutlock as a little special parting gift since it'll still be a few more chapters until we get to some good old fashion loving. I promise, it'll happen. OOOOOOOOH it'll happen. :D Love you all!**_


	11. Chapter 11

"So you're sure six months is long enough to send out the save the dates? What if people need to travel? Hotel accommodations? What about getting time off work?" Molly fluttered about her and John's flat while Kairi patiently stuffed envelopes.

"Molly, if they can't reserve time six months in advance then maybe they shouldn't be attending the wedding at all!" Kairi chuckled, "Six months is what the wedding etiquette said, right? I think it's ample time for people to prepare."

Molly sat nervously, gulping down some wine as she glanced at the scattered papers and envelopes, "God, it feels like it's all a rush! We haven't even got dresses and tuxes yet!"

Kairi rolled her eyes with an endearing smile, "Yes, but that will be remedied soon enough. It's all planned for this afternoon! We'll be meeting up with John, Lestrade, Sherlock, and Janine to try on things and make sure they look nice together. Really Molly, just drink more wine, maybe take a nap!"

"I think I'm having enough wine." Molly looked frantically at her friend, "I haven't even found a wedding dress and it's in six months. I'm horrible at this!"

Kairi stuffed one last envelope and sealed it. She stood slowly and walked over to Molly who seemed to be quaking with stress. Kairi sat down and wrapped an arm around her and held her close, "Molly, this is wedding planning. It's always a mess or something! You're doing wonderfully and all that matters is that in the end you and John are there, booze and food is provided, and there will be dancing." She leaned in and kissed Molly on the cheek soundly and Molly put her face into her hands and began to cry. Kairi sighed and ran fingers through the pathologist's silky hair, "Everything will work out perfectly and it will be a day to remember. You'll be the most gorgeous bride and John will be your dashing groom!"

Molly looked up at her with red rimmed eyes, "How is it that I can dissect a corpse, but I can't handle flower arrangements?"

Kairi chuckled, "Well you're on your own there! I am shit at designing things unless it comes in HTML." Molly's lip began to tremble again, "We should look it up on the internet, there are loads of blogs about beautiful wedding planning ideas." She smoothed down Molly's hair again, "We'll be doing your wedding your way. Not your mother's way, not the way you _think_ a wedding has to be done, but the way you _want_ it done."

Molly nodded slowly and exhaled heavily, "Right." She shook her head a bit frantically and glanced back up at Kairi, "What would I do without you?"

Kairi smiled and leaned in to hug Molly tighter, "Shake so fretfully your atoms would disassociate and you'd vaporize into the universe?"

Molly snorted and hugged Kairi back, "Probably."

"Well, let's finish getting all this sorted. What is John up to right now?" Kairi smiled as she stood and walked back over to the envelopes to begin stuffing again.

Molly moved to the floor next to Kairi and helped, "Over at Baker Street actually," Molly yawned, "He's officially asking Sherlock to be his best man."

Kairi chuckled, "Oh, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that."

Molly smiled, "Yes, I know. I would too, but it also makes me nervous as all hell." Her eyes suddenly went wide and she went a little pale, her hands frozen in time and space as she stared out at nothing.

Kairi frowned, watching her friend clutch the papers in her shaking fingers, she reached out and took the notes and placed them on the table, turning fully to face Molly who was still frozen and looking like she just saw a ghost, "What is it? Are you having a stroke?"

Molly finally exhaled and turned to Kairi, "Oh God, Sherlock's his best man."

Kairi gave her a confused look, "Yes, well that usually is the role of the best friend isn't it?"

Molly nodded slowly, gulping, looking like she was going to be sick, "That means there will be a speech."

Kairi's eyes went wide in response and Molly stared at her, worrying a lip beneath a rosy nose. "Oh shit." Kairi let out in a whisper and looked back at Molly. She tried dispel the nervousness in her gut and she just shrugged, trying on a smile, "It'll be fine!" She placated Molly a little desperately, "You know how he loves to hear himself speak. I'm sure it'll be, uh, beautiful." Kairi couldn't help the grimace.

Molly's eyes somehow went wider, "What if he brings up how I used to be obsessed with him? What if he talks about all the places John and I have shagged in Baker Street? What if he talks about the riding crop incident?"

Kairi bit her lip, exhaling heavily, "I'm sure he wouldn't bring that up. I mean, it'd embarrass him just as much as it would embarrass you and John!"

Molly looked at her again with terror in her eyes, "Shit! This is a disaster! We should elope!"

Kairi huffed out a breath, sending her bangs in a wild dance as the torrent gust upwards, "Now look, it will be fine! I'll help him write a speech! Will that work? I'll proof-read it and make sure that he's decent, all right?"

Molly shook her head, "Sherlock doesn't like being told what to do."

Kairi chuckled and grabbed at both of their wine glasses and handed one off to Molly, "No he doesn't, but he also hates the idea of hurting John in any way. They love each other so much it's sick." She smiled wide at Molly whose eyes were glistening, "He cares for the both of you and he's not good with sentiment, but he also wouldn't want to hurt you either."

Molly nodded slowly, her eyes going blank again as more treacherous thoughts began to pour through her addled mind. She sucked in a deep, shocked breath and on the exhale she looked at Kairi, "Dear God, the telegrams!"

Kairi took a sip and looked inquisitive, "What are telegrams?"

Molly took another gulp of wine and ran nervous fingers through her auburn locks, "It's like an RSVP, the people who can't attend send a little note to the bride and groom. Sherlock will have to read them out loud." She gulped down air and sounded a little petrified, "In front of _everyone_."

Kairi nodded placing a hand on her leg, "Well, how about we eschew tradition and I'll read them before my speech instead?"

Molly sighed, tears threatening to spill over again, "Oh God, that'd be wonderful."

"See?" Kairi nudged her and Molly smiled, "All will be well, I swear."

Molly nodded and placed her wine down before reaching for more envelopes. "Right. Well, hopefully we can find dresses this afternoon. I can't decide if I want you both to wear the same dress or something different in the same color scheme."

Kairi chuckled and began again with her Save the Dates, "Don't worry, I'll wear a burlap sack if that's what you want. I don't care at all. It's your day!"

Molly chuckled, "Hopefully Janine will be as effortless. She can be tiresome."

Kairi smiled, "I'll have a talk with her if she decides to be difficult." Molly snorted at that, "Or worse, I'll let Sherlock loose on her."

Molly laughed, "Oh God, no I love her. I want her to still be my friend after all this!"

"Ha! Yeah, letting Sherlock loose is a guaranteed way to alienate people." Kairi scoffed, "If you need to thin out your guest list, I'm sure we could send him on a tour to people you don't really like."

Molly guffawed, "Oh please! I'd love to see him go up against my aunt Frida. God, she can be downright nasty!"

"Well, will she be coming to the engagement party? I'm sure I could arrange a covert meeting to put her in her place." Kairi said as she closed up an envelope.

"Perhaps, but hopefully not. I think it's mostly just close family and friends. We didn't really send out invites, it's just a fun little gathering." Molly smiled, "I'm very excited for it."

"Me too!" Kairi replied, "It'll be fun to have dinner and talk to people. I'm looking forward to meeting more of your family. Your mom is lovely, but I haven't met your brothers or other cousins aside from Janine."

Molly coughed, "Oh, please beware of Thomas - he's the ginger I was telling you about! He's, oh, he can be really lecherous if he fancies someone."

Kairi gave Molly a reassuring smile, "I'll hide a cattle prod in my purse."

Molly chuckled, "If all else fails, you could let Sherlock loose on him."

Kairi nudged Molly, "I thought we were trying to keep Sherlock from maiming people."

Molly scrunched her nose, "Thomas can be a _real_ prick."

Kairi laughed loudly at that and leaned into her friend who was finally smiling again, no sign of tears in sight, "Well good, me and Sherlock can be bouncers, I'll hold tight to my cattle prod and we can get Sherlock another riding crop."

Molly sighed heavily, "Oh damn, I know. We never did replace it."

Kairi shuddered slightly, "He's probably fine without it. He is a resilient man, I'm sure he's managed."

Molly just chuckled and poured her and Kairi some more wine, "We should probably eat before going dress shopping. Don't want to show up all blotto and giggly."

Kairi sipped her wine, "I think reduced inhibitions would be perfect for dress searching." She thought for a moment, "Maybe we should get John and Sherlock drunk too, see if we can get them into pink tuxes! Just to try on!" Molly laughed heartily at that and Kairi winked, wondering just how she'd be able to make it happen to bring a little less stress to her dear friend's day.

—-

John climbed the stairs of 221 Baker Street, memories flowing through him as he breathed in the musty smell of chemicals and books. Each of his steps were in tune with the violin music playing at the top of the stairs. He was nervous at the moment, knowing that he'd be asking Sherlock to be his best man. Despite the fact that Sherlock was his closest friend, he knew how particular the man could be. He was thoroughly slated into being stoic and impersonal. He didn't do it very well with those he was closest to, but if he felt threatened by an emotional overload, he would shut off almost completely and become a real ass.

It was no surprise that they were best friends. It wasn't something that was mentioned frequently, if ever. John wasn't good at discussing emotions, it was difficult to express things and project words onto feelings he barely understood. He'd lived a stunted emotional life, with a closed off family which later ended in estranged, jilted relationships until his parents passed away and his sister moved across the country to escape his judgement. He sighed heavily, thanking God for the fact that he had met Sherlock when he did, then when Molly came into his life and he found that a relationship with her was effortless and comfortable, he was utterly pleased. He was excited to approach this new era of life, with the two people he loved the most at his side.

He was even eager to see how Kairi would change the future of Sherlock Holmes. John expected to spend the rest of his life as the confirmed bachelor running about town with the boffin detective. That life didn't really seem all that bad, but when he first met Molly he was always amused by her shy smiles and her intelligence. He was never hurt by her affection for Sherlock - it was extremely difficult not to be fascinated by the bastard. Eventually, if you spent enough time with him, just about everyone fell in love with Sherlock Holmes.

He chuckled to himself as he rapped on the door and entered, watching Sherlock turn as he played the violin and saw John. His eyes lit up and John felt so happy to just be seeing him again. The last year had been boring without Sherlock Holmes in his life. Though he couldn't devote all of his time to solving crimes anymore, his adventures with Sherlock would never really be over.

"Ah, John, pleasant to see you." Sherlock muttered as he placed his violin in its spot, "Tea?" He questioned, not really waiting for an answer as he strode into the kitchen and began preparing it.

"Yes, I'd love some." John chuckled as he followed Sherlock and sat at the table which was surprisingly clean and uncluttered. He glanced around for a moment, unsure of where he was actually sitting. "What's this then? No experiments? You've been back for almost a week now." He chuckled.

Sherlock turned with a tight grin, "Yes, well, it's been a busy few days with the case and all."

John gave him a snarky sort of look, "Not to mention beating the hell out your girlfriend's previous romantic entanglement."

Sherlock frowned heavily, "Yes, well, I'd hardly consider him that." He glanced at John who grinned, "Lestrade shouldn't have slept with her if he didn't want me to be upset about it."

John blanched, "What?"

Sherlock glanced at his friend, "Isn't it obvious? Kairi and Lestrade had sex while I was away."

John shook his head and took a deep breath, "Jesus! Are you having me on?"

Sherlock scoffed, a pang of anger still rising at the mention of the event, but he eventually quashed it, trying to seem flippant, there had been many somewhat heartfelt discussions in the last few days between him and Kairi. "Please John, all the evidence was there."

John put up a hand to stop him, "Right, I just didn't observe it." He looked at Sherlock who seemed amused, "So you and Kairi, you are, uh, talking about it all I'm guessing?"

Sherlock nodded, "Yes, there was a significant amount of information that needed to be exchanged." He sighed and glanced at his friend, "It has been a long year."

John nodded and cleared his throat, "Yeah, I can see that now." He looked at the table, scratching at the patch of wood that had a relatively deep slice running through it, "So, uh, are you all right then?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Sherlock looked at him oddly as the water began to boil.

John scoffed, "You almost threw a man through the floor over him sleeping with your _girlfriend._ It seems a bit excessive."

Sherlock shifted, looking uncomfortable, "Yes, well, that's apparent _now_."

John just chuckled, "Right." He looked at Sherlock, laughing to himself that the man was not only capable of complex emotion, but almost adept at it. He loved Kairi, he felt jealousy, he understood the meaning of monogamy. It was all astounding and completely the opposite of what John expected from him. "So we've got an appointment this afternoon."

Sherlock busy with the tea only replied over his shoulder as he gathered the items necessary for John and his own tastes, "What for? A case?"

John chuckled, "No, you clot. Tux fittings."

Sherlock turned with tea-tray in hand and walked over to the table to set things down, "Why would I need to be fitted for a tuxedo?"

John stared at him, completely flabbergasted, "For the wedding, of course."

Sherlock sat and began pouring tea into a cup for John, "I'll just wear one of my suits. That should be adequate."

John scoffed, looking affronted, "No it wont. The best man can't just wear a regular suit."

The silence stretched for a moment as John stared at Sherlock who's eyes were now wide, staring down at the tea-cup that he was filling, but not actually seeing it. John took in the blank look in Sherlock's eyes and then he glanced at the tea-cup which was rapidly approaching its fill limit.

"Sherlock?" John muttered and he watched as Sherlock's hands shook ever so slightly, vibrating the tea-pot just enough so that the stream of umber colored liquid went a little jagged and spilled some of the contents over the edge.

Sherlock remained silent. The tea kept pouring.

"Sherlock." John insisted as the detective remained stone faced, hands quaking gently as the tea rose in the cup and eventually spilled up over the edge and began filling the saucer it sat atop.

"Sherlock!" John shouted and reached for the tea-pot in the detective's hand.

Sherlock finally jolted back to reality, glancing at John who ripped the pot away from him. Sherlock looked down at his cup and saucer, overflowing with tea, "Oh." He cleared his throat and grabbed the offending display and slowly took it to the sink to empty out the saucer, pour out a bit of tea, and make it more presentable. He turned slowly and walked back over to the table, refusing to look at John as his chest filled with an unfamiliar warmth and his mind positively vibrated with thoughts he couldn't quite comprehend.

"Sherlock." John insisted as he poured himself some tea, "You'll need to have a tux. I know how much you hate ties since the incident with the Russian, but the fact is, we'll be dressing to impress." He chuckled and looked up at his friend who was standing just behind his seat, the tea in his hands remaining untouched by his lips or his usual sugar and cream. "I'll be wearing one — it's a wedding, it's customary." He cleared his throat, waiting for a response, "Please, for Molly? For me?"

Sherlock was still silent, now staring down at the table. He cleared his throat and looked at John who was smiling at him, "For you?" He said softly and John nodded, looking a bit confused.

John laughed, "Well think about it, ladies love a man in a tux. James Bond and all that!"

Sherlock was still rigid. He placed his cup down and sat, placing his hands in his lap.

John, recognizing the deep thought that Sherlock was almost completely submerged in, reached out for Sherlock's cup and began to fix his tea. When he sorted it all out, adding two spoons of sugar and some milk, he placed it back in front of the unseeing detective who automatically reached out and took a slow sip, as was habit. John just chuckled and Sherlock swallowed, placing the tea back on the table and exhaling a tight breath.

"So, what you are saying is that, you want me—," Sherlock gulped heavily and glanced at John who looked expectant, "you want _me_ as your best man?"

John sat back and exhaled, looking at Sherlock incredulously, "Of course. Of course I want you as my best man, Sherlock."

Sherlock let out a tight breath and reached for his cup again, clattering it a bit on the saucer while his hands shook. He placed his hands on the table and glanced at John, "Are you _sure_?"

John let out a huge laugh at that, staring at Sherlock with wonder, "_Yes_ I'm sure! You're my best friend."

Sherlock stared at him then, inspecting his blogger closely. He tried to detect micro expressions indicating a lie, no twitching mouth, indicators of distress, or lines in the forehead. He watched John's body language, seeing his relaxed pose, his hand on his tea cup, perfectly calm and still. He looked back up into John's eyes, which seemed happy, if a little amused. Sherlock cleared his throat, "Oh."

John chuckled, "_Oh?_ Is that it? A yes, maybe?"

Sherlock looked at John now, almost appalled, "Yes, of course, I'll be your best man."

John smiled wide, "Good. I'm glad that's settled. I need my best mate with me up there."

Sherlock nodded, "Yes, yes, of course. That seems like a very important, if stressful time. One would assume you'd wanted be surrounded by people of worth."

John laughed, "It's not just that Sherlock. It's the biggest day of my life. I'm marrying the woman I love and I want the other most important person in my life to be present as well. You'll be a part of this marriage — whether Molly and I like it or not."

Sherlock gave a small smile and reached for his cup, taking a small sip, "I promise, I will try and keep to myself unless there's a case."

John nodded, "Right. You've got someone else to bother now for tea and food. She'd probably be more effective in persuading you to eat as well."

Sherlock blushed slightly, "You mean Kairi."

John nodded, "Yes, well obviously. Mrs. Hudson dotes on you, but you've had to be noticing her backing off since you and Kairi got together."

Sherlock frowned, "No. No, I didn't notice that."

"Some detective you are," John scoffed, "Kairi makes you coffee and gets you to eat. She keeps her kitchen well stocked with things you like. She even did it when you were gone, always prepared for if you returned."

Sherlock glanced at him, "She did?"

John smiled wide, "Yeah, she did."

Sherlock tried to hide his smile behind his tea-cup as he sipped, "Oh."

* * *

_**A/N**_

_**Short little fluff chapter. Insight into the relationships our characters have with one another. I really do love Molly and John - I feel like there really isnt a way to make Sherlock and John better than they already are. Molly is fierce, even if people like to pretend she isnt - she's fucking fierce and I love her. I think you all know I have something unhealthy towards Lestrade ;D. Much will be happening. Hopefully a bit more fun and a bit more case madness. We do have a wedding to prepare for! More to come next week and that chapter is fun to write - we've got tux fittings to attend! But what would a Sherlock story be without a case? **_

_**I'm thinking that I may be able to hash this out in about 20 or so chapters. I promise a fleshy reunion will be happening soon. Sorry to bore you all with science - but thats why I wrote the smutlock ;D. I have main plot points planned, but pleeeeeeeeeeeease dont think you cant make requests! If there is something you feel like you MUST see then tell me! If it cant it in directly to this story it will probably work for a one shot.**_

_**Thank you again for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have them :D**_


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm glad we stopped for food, I was feeling a bit bladdered when we left." Molly smiled at Kairi who had a blush on her cheeks.

"Me too." Kairi chuckled, "I don't want to throw up on a dress I have yet to buy."

Molly snickered as they walked through the doors of the bridal shop, "Oh, that would be horrible, wouldn't it?"

Kairi giggled as well, tugging Molly to the concierge, "Shh, we can't get in trouble, we haven't even started yet."

Molly smiled as they approached the front desk and began speaking with the lady there. They checked in for their reservation a little early, but the consultant just asked them to wait a few minutes while she prepared their dressing rooms. Since Molly and John would both be using the same shop for their dresses and tuxedos, the consultants were eager to please. Both being professionals and having young professionals in the wedding party could very well lead to a decent commission.

Also, since they hadn't been living under a rock, a few of them knew of the prodigious John Watson and his relationship to Sherlock Holmes. If they were lucky and the famed duo were pleased with their treatment, they might even get mentioned when the wedding of John Watson to his female fiancé was eventually covered in the papers.

When someone first leaked it to the press that John Watson would be getting married, there was a flurry of gossip about Sherlock's whereabouts and if the famed "couple" had split, leaving Sherlock heart-broken and dismayed by John's sudden devotion to a woman. It had been an absolute nightmare that Mycroft had dealt with swiftly in Sherlock's absence. Kairi couldn't help but be a bit amused mentioning it now and then and seeing John go positively murderous.

Soon after the consultant left, Janine walked in, all smiles and excited squeals upon seeing her lovely soon-to-be-married cousin. Molly erupted excitedly as well and went over to pull her cousin into a huge hug, full of chatter from the British pathologist and the Irish PA. Kairi just chuckled and followed suit. When Janine saw her, she smiled wide and pulled the pale brunette into the hug and they all sort of giggled.

"I am so damn excited for this." Janine piped up and pulled away from Molly and Kairi, her wide smile inciting a similar reaction. "You've got to make me look good for all John's old army buddies, eh?" She winked. "Did they offer champagne? This place is fancy, they should offer champagne!" She added in a harsh whisper.

"They are prepping our rooms, I'm sure they'll add some little snacks and some bubbly." Kairi smiled, "Especially since I requested it and implied that Sherlock Holmes and John Watson would be thoroughly disappointed without it." She chuckled mischievously, "You know with all their connections to law enforcement and the British government."

Molly dropped her face into her hands, "Oh, you didn't."

Janine chuckled and cuffed Kairi on the shoulder, "I knew I liked her."

Kairi just beamed mischievously in response.

The consultant came back out and ushered the ladies back into their dressing area. It was a wide expanse, the dressing rooms laid out at the back, with seating and a small tea-table in the center, covered in goodies, some water, and champagne and orange juice for mimosas. The girls giggled and Molly blushed wildly, not often used to being treated with such pomp.

"We've got a few minutes until the boys arrive and they wont get pulled back until I give the okay." Kairi smiled, "So lets get a-huntin for wedding dress styles. We can ask them to hold anything you like."

"What do you think Molly, you want traditional? Taffeta? Sequins?" Janine smiled wide as she sat down and opened up the champagne. Molly blanched and Kairi recognized the wedding panic in her eyes, "I'll get the yummies ready and Kairi, you go help her. Molly hates my fashion sense."

Molly blushed, replying indignantly, "I do not!"

Janine just grinned, "Don't lie! I'd have you in a skin-tight satin dress with a diamond encrusted bodice to enhance your tits, my love. You'd hate it and you know it."

Molly gave her a cross look, "Well, yes because I've got no tits to speak of and I'd look hideous."

Janine just winked and tutted her playfully, "You've got great breasts Molly, I'm sure John likes them." Molly blushed wildly and Kairi was holding in her laughter, "It's fine dear. I'll save it for me own wedding day." She muttered in an exaggerated accent. She popped the cork off of the champagne with a flourish and chuckled, "You and Kairi are better suited for it, I'm not hurt."

Kairi smiled at Janine, "Thanks, we'll need your eye for bridesmaid dresses though. I might lean more towards sparkly things than Molly and I wouldn't be averse to showing off the girls a bit."

Janine chuckled again and poured out some champagne into flutes, "Right-o!"

Kairi smiled wide and grabbed Molly's hand and pulled her out into the area where all the gowns were hung up. There were a few mannequins here and there and Kairi walked with Molly hand in hand through the rows and rows of whites.

"God, I didn't realize there were so many shades of white." Molly muttered, feeling a little light-headed as she dragged her fingertips along the gowns all safely hid away in clear plastic bags.

"Eggshell, Diamond White, Ivory, Satin White, Champagne, Matte!" Kairi frowned as she fingered through a few, "What the fuck is _matte_?" Kairi muttered and glanced back at Molly who looked a bit green, "Well, at least they're all covered in plastic in case you yack on them."

Molly frowned at her friend, "I wont _yack_ on them. It's just nerve-wracking. This is the most important day of my life."

Kairi walked closer to Molly and took her hands gently, "Yes it is and it will be perfect as long as you just do what you want to do. Don't stress about dresses and flowers and all that. Just try and do what feels good to you. It'll all come together. There's no wrong way to do a wedding!"

Molly leaned in slowly and Kairi did too, resting their foreheads on one another's and smiling. "Thank you." Molly whispered gently.

Kairi chuckled, "You will be a beautiful bride, even if you show up in your lab coat and slacks."

"And John in a jumper?" Molly snickered.

"I'll wear my pajamas." Kairi giggled.

Molly squealed, "Sherlock in a dressing gown!"

"Oh, that would be perfect." Kairi sighed, still pressing her head against Molly's and squeezing her hands tighter, "I'd do a pajama themed wedding. Everyone can wear yoga pants and slippers and we'll all just eat popcorn and watch a movie until it's time for a dance off."

"You would." Molly added and Kairi pretended to bite at her.

"Oh, I never!"

Molly and Kairi turned, foreheads still pressed together for the moment, still hand in hand and saw a middle-aged woman standing at the edge of their isle, staring at them down her long pale nose through some half-rimmed glasses. She had her hand on her chest and looked downright offended. "Have some propriety! I didn't think they allowed _those_ types in here. This isn't a den of iniquity!"

Molly seemed to coil in on herself, her face blushing wildly and Kairi bristled, "Seriously? Den of iniquity? _Those_ types!?" Kairi hissed and Molly squeezed her hands. Kairi looked back at Molly who shook her head, almost pleading for a moment, desperate to avoid confrontation. Kairi took a deep breath and went to turn Molly and take them away from the horrible woman with cold judgement in her eyes.

The woman stalked closer, a stiff lipped sneer on her face, "It's absolutely appalling that laws have been passed allowing _your_ type to be married." She added in a sickly sweet tone, "It's improper."

Kairi figuratively rolled up her sleeves, getting ready to lunge at the old bat. It wasn't a matter of pride, her and Molly weren't in a relationship, but it was a matter of decency. This woman had no right to tell anyone how to act in a store symbolizing the beauty of love and marriage. If it had been anyone else, it could have seriously hurt them on a day that was meant to be absolutely special and perfect. Kairi felt a surge of righteousness bring life to her limbs and she opened her mouth to reply scathingly.

"It is everything but _that_!" Molly finally shouted, half squeak, half rage surprising both Kairi and herself. She regained her composure and continued, "It's not your right to tell people who to love."

The woman rolled her eyes, giving Molly a disgusted sort of grimace with a curled lip, "Mind your tongue child, I'll not be treated as such."

Kairi scowled, "Oh, but you'll treat others like shit, simply because they don't love who you think they should? That doesn't speak about those you insult, it only speaks about yourself, you crazy old loon!"

Molly sputtered a bit and the woman glared at them, absolutely scandalized, her mouth popping open and closed as she took measured steps backwards. "How dare you!" She snarled.

"No!" Molly replied, "How dare _you_! This is _our_ special day and you have the audacity to just come in a spit on it! That's horrible! _You're_ horrible!" She spat.

The woman shook her head frantically, her hand on her cheek as if Molly had struck her. "It goes against the will of God!"

Kairi smiled wide, lacing her tone with virulent sarcasm, "Well then we'll be having a great time in hell without you!"

Molly added a bit nervously, emboldened by her previous glasses of wine, "Or maybe we'll see you there!" Kairi was chuckling as she watched the old woman absolutely bristle, her hands fisted at her sides and her pink lips falling into a firm line. She looked as if she might charge at them. "So — so just piss off!" Molly squeaked.

Kairi went to add onto Molly's statement a little more colorfully, with a bit more of that American charm so many people despised, but she was distracted when Molly grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss. Kairi went still for a second but caught on quickly, wrapping her arms around Molly and turning them sharply so she could dip her dramatically which seemed to rip a scream from the old woman who stumbled back into some dresses and continued to run from the store, shouting about.

"Why is it that when someone runs away screaming, it's always you two?"

Molly and Kairi pulled back from their kiss and looked up to see John, holding back a grin with disapproving hands on his hips. Sherlock was at his side, eyeing Kairi and Molly curiously, his head tilted like a confused puppy.

"And I'd thank you to take your lips off my bride, Kairi." He added with chuckle.

Kairi pulled them both back up to stand and Molly was blushing wildly, "She started it!" Kairi insisted.

"Well, I did." Molly smiled nervously, walking over to John who grinned and pulled her in for a kiss. When Molly pulled back, she was smiling wide, "I'm sorry but that woman was horrible. I was trying to prove a point."

John chuckled again, "By snogging Kairi?" Molly just giggled.

Kairi strode up to Sherlock and grabbed his face, pulling him down to plant a deep kiss on his lips, "Hello stranger."

Sherlock licked his lips tentatively, and stared at Kairi's smile, "You taste like Molly and wine."

John's eyes widened and he looked at Sherlock, "And how do _you_ know what my fiancé tastes like?"

Sherlock straightened and glared at him, "Because I've tasted her on Kairi before."

Molly and Kairi rolled their eyes almost audibly and John was absolutely floored, "My god! What do you people do when I'm not around? Giant orgies? How do you know what everyone _tastes_ like? That's so fundamentally strange!" He growled, mostly joking. He poked at Molly who couldn't stop laughing.

Kairi just chuckled, "Don't worry John, we'll invite you next time."

John just rolled his eyes, laughing, "I don't think you could handle me."

Kairi wrinkled her nose at him and chuckled, "Probably not, Soldier." She blew him a kiss and Sherlock scowled at them both.

"And you all say _I'm_ inappropriate in public." Sherlock sighed and began walking away.

Kairi, John, and Molly all laughed and turned to join him, Molly and Kairi taking the lead to show them back to the dressing area. They followed, chatting about their days. Molly informed John that she and Kairi ended up stuffing almost three-quarters of their total Save the Dates and they should be able to finish them tonight. John was ecstatic as he knew nothing of wedding planning and was a little terrified he might muck something up. Also, it afforded Molly time to hang out with Kairi and do all the things they enjoyed to do together. Living with Molly was wonderful, but it was always nice to get out with a few friends for personal time.

When they got back into the dressing room, Janine stood up, carrying flutes of mimosa over to Molly and John. Kairi wandered over to her purse and pulled out her camera and began taking photos of the happy couple, as well as Janine doling out glasses. Kairi even got an interesting photo of Sherlock eyeing the mimosa with a grimace on his face, as if it couldn't be trusted. She was sure that'd be another one to send to Wanda Holmes in order to embarrass her new-old boyfriend.

The bridal consultant walked in smiling, bringing about two large binders full of photographs of different styles of tuxedos as well as bridesmaid dresses. She talked to Molly and John for a bit, asking their preferences and Kairi strode up to Sherlock who was holding his glass in his hand, but refusing to take a drink.

"Don't like mimosas?" She chuckled and nudged his arm as she sipped her own.

"I've never had one." He muttered and glanced down at her, giving her an appreciative look despite his stony features.

Kairi smirked, "Come now, don't be a stick in the mud. It's for John and Molly! Let loose a bit Mr. Holmes."

He gave her a small chuckle and took a sip, his eyes widening just a fraction when the sweet, bubbly concoction hit his tongue.

Kairi chuckled, "See? It's delicious."

He rose an eyebrow at her, "It's dangerous. Good tasting alcohol is always a bad idea."

"To you maybe." She smiled and then winked, walking back over to Molly and John who were glancing at ideas and discussing.

A moment later, Janine sidled up to Sherlock and grinned, "So the best man, it's a pleasure." She reached out her hand and Sherlock shook it firmly.

"You must be Janine, the cousin." He gave her a tight grin and allowed his eyes to tick over her for a moment, pulling out all the finite little facts that would refine his deduction. A rambunctious, single, PA, older than Molly by a year or two, and happy for, though genuinely jealous of, her younger cousin. Sherlock's grin spread.

"Yup, that's me." She eyed him for a moment, "You are _quite_ the specimen Mr. Holmes."

Sherlock gave her an odd look, "Pardon?"

She grinned now, "Tall, brilliant, dark hair, luminous eyes, successful, driven — quite the package. Single?"

He scowled at her, "Tell me, how that is any of your business?"

She chuckled, "Well, if you're single and I'm single and we're in the wedding party, I think we could make some time available for one another. It's quite the custom, you know."

He took a minute sidestep away from her, glancing down at Kairi who was smiling with Molly and John as they flipped through pages of the binder, chuckling at some more of audacious dresses and tuxedos available. He cleared his throat and glanced back at Janine, "I consider myself married to my work."

She smiled wide, following his stare over to the group looking through the binders, "Do you?"

He almost wanted to hiss at her, but he refrained, "Yes, I do." He turned himself, facing her, and leveling her with an imposing sort of glare, "I would not debase myself by —,"

"Sherlock? Janine?" Kairi interrupted and he turned to glance at her. She was smiling in a soft way, the way that signified she knew someone was being a particular sort of bother to him and that she'd appreciate his patience and delicacy.

It was infuriating, but pushing past the other woman's impudence, he realized that this was an extremely important day for John and Molly and he would do anything within his power to make it right. He straightened and removed his coat, lying it on a nearby chair. He adjusted his suit and motioned for Janine to go ahead and she gave him a flirtatious wink as she went to sit next to Kairi. He rolled his eyes when she looked away from him and moved over to sit next to John. He glanced at Kairi who was giving him an amused sort of grin that she was desperately trying to hold back and mouthed a _thank you_. Janine was leaning in and looking at the book, talking to Molly about a specific dress, so Sherlock shot Kairi a wink that made her cheeks flush. He cleared his throat and went to look at the pictures with the rest of the group.

After a few more minutes of debate and another round of mimosas, the consultant brought in another helper and they all started taking measurements.

"Oi! What did I miss? Mimosas!?" Lestrade walked in, smiling wide and tossing his coat onto a chair. Everyone stood to greet him and exchange hugs and handshakes, even Sherlock. He kissed Kairi on the cheek and she returned it in their friendly way and pulled back grinning. They had rekindled their friendship after a long discussion, affirming the fact that they cared greatly for one another, but it was wise to allow some distance for the time being. After their hug, she grabbed his hand and yanked him over to Janine to introduce them. Molly sighed as subtly as she could manage. Janine would gladly eat Lestrade up.

While the boys got themselves set up, Molly and Kairi sat down and dug through the Bridal gown book and Molly put a few tabs on the ones she liked while Janine flirted with Lestrade. Kairi promised to bring Molly back on another day when they could take their time and Molly wouldn't feel as overwhelmed by wedding things as she was today.

One consultant went to pull out the tuxedos that the group liked while the other went to gather up some of the bridesmaid dresses. Janine had been clear, her taste in dresses was definitely a bit more outlandish than Molly or Kairi's style. Though Kairi and Molly couldn't really attest to having a certain style other than comfortable and functional. Janine, with her long legs and rounded curves liked to accentuate her fabulous figure and everyone agreed that she had every right to do so. So Kairi and Janine picked out several dressed they liked individually and a few that they both agreed on all under the notion that Molly would have the last say. Molly was still unsure if she wanted matching bridesmaids or not. She was biting her nails when the consultants all walked back in and started sorting through the suits and dresses and placing them in the dressing rooms.

Kairi poured Molly a hefty mimosa and sat her down to just wait and look through the bridal gowns again on her own. They all went to their respective dressing rooms and started to try things on. Molly busied herself, glancing at different gowns, some made of taffeta, some of silk, some with beaded bodices and long trains. It was all quite overwhelming if she were being honest and all she really wanted was something that was simple, affordable, and made her feel beautiful. She was nervous at that, not always being overly concerned with making herself up, the idea of a day where everyone would be staring right at her and John made her a bit queasy inside. However, the reason of course, the bit of attention, the love that would end up encapsulating the day was enough to give her the little bit of courage. She would gladly be the center of attention on such a meaningful day and maybe, just maybe, not feel guilty about it.

"All right, ready yourself!" Janine was the first to come out. She had on a very tight, satin dress of deep sapphire, which was Molly's chosen color for wedding accents. The blue was vibrant in contrast to Janine's olive toned skin and dark brown hair and the dress hugged her curves almost viciously. It had a sweetheart neckline and the material ruched from top to bottom which just barely covered Janine's. Molly stared at her in amazement, she looked fabulous.

"Killing it, right?" She winked and Molly chuckled.

"I don't know if you can wear it, you'll look better than me!" Molly laughed as Janine twirled.

Janine just chuckled, "No one will be looking at me when they've got you and John to be gobbing about!"

Kairi peaked out and saw Janine and gasped, "Oh my lord, you look astonishing!"

Janine smiled and turned to Kairi, "Oh, now don't be shy, let me see yours!"

"No, I, uh -," Kairi laughed and Janine padded over with graceful steps and grabbed her arm and pulled her out.

Janine gasped, "Oh, your tits look _great_!" Molly let out a laugh while Kairi blushed furiously.

Lestrade was the first to come out, pulling on the coat of the signature black tux with tails, a cummerbund, and bow tie, and he chuckled, "What's this about tits?" He smiled wide.

Janine gave him a sultry sort of look, "Don't you be getting any ideas about her, I plan to keep you all to myself. You look like Fred Estaire in that get up."

Lestrade gave her an impressed look and gave the signature pose, a slight spin on his heels with his arms extended gracefully, "Well if you think you can handle it." She gave him a wink and he smiled wide.

Kairi just giggled and spun for Molly, she was wearing the same dress as Janine. It hugged her curves in a dangerous fashion and showed a bit too much of her thighs than she was normally accustomed to. It wasn't something she would usually trounce around in, but she had to admit when she looked at herself in the mirror before stepping out, she felt quite sexy.

"I do like it." Molly smiled wide, "You'll both look like princesses."

Kairi returned her smile and laughed, "What kind of princesses do they have in England?" The group shared some disjointed laughter as Kairi tugged at the hem of her dress.

"Right, feast your eyes ladies and try to contain yourselves." John muttered before opening the door and walking out to whistles and cat calls. He was wearing a tux that matched Lestrade's, except his cummerbund and tie were white. He sauntered over to Molly who was grinning foolishly and he stopped in front of her, opening his arms and doing a spin. "Do you like it?"

Molly began tearing up, "I think you look so very dashing."

He smiled and reached out his hand and she took it, standing to move closer to him, brushing her hands along the soft fabric spanning his chest. "I think I'll pale in comparison to the lovely bride."

She giggled slightly and they went off in their own little world while discussing aspects of John's suit that they liked and disliked. Lestrade and Janine were chuckling and joking about as they sipped on some mimosas, careful not to spill. Kairi was enthralled, the wedding party together at last, but when she looked over to Sherlock's dressing room she realized he hadn't even come out. She waddled over and knocked on the door but got no response.

"Sherlock, you all right?" She knocked again and only received an annoyed huff in response. She chuckled and leaned in, using a stage whisper to communicate, "If you're stuck or need bigger pants let me know, I'll tell the consultant." She chuckled to herself momentarily, glancing back at the happy couple to be who were flipping through a few more pages now.

While she wasn't paying attention, the door opened and Sherlock reached out and gripped her wrist, yanking her inside the dressing room with a yelp. He pinned her against the wall for a moment, looking extremely frustrated.

"What's wrong?" Kairi asked, genuinely concerned.

"What is _this_?" He held up the cummerbund, "A _cumberbund_? What a stupid sounding word!"

Kairi smiled, "It's _cummer_bund. And maybe it wouldn't sound so stupid if you pronounced it properly."

He sniffed, "It doesn't matter how it's pronounced, it still sounds stupid."

Kairi rolled her eyes, "Perhaps to the unrefined." He scoffed in response.

"I hate ties, especially bow ties." He growled and stepped back, turning to face the mirror as he fiddled with the damn thing around his neck.

Kairi chuckled and took him in for a moment. He was wearing the same suit as John and Lestrade, but he made it look so damn regal. The lines of the suit accentuated his broad shoulders and trim hips, framing his body in that perfectly masculine way. It hugged him nicely, fitting like a second, illustrious skin and laying perfectly along the contours of his frame. The white shirt was crisp, with shiny black buttons dotted down his torso and all that was missing was the perfect black bow tie, still undone around his neck. He cinched the cummerbund around his waist and then glared into the mirror, looking utterly cross at the offending fabrics. With shagging fringe hanging in his face and the bow tie hanging loosely around his neck, he looked perfectly disheveled and Kairi felt herself heat up almost instantly, wetness seeping into her panties and causing her to clench her thighs together. The damn man could pull off a tux and it was driving her mad.

She cleared her throat and stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him gently, "Let me help."

He turned, huffing in frustration, "I _hate_ ties."

She grinned up at him, moving quickly through the process to make it look perfect, "Why?"

He grumbled, "They get in the way."

Kairi chuckled as she buttoned his top button and he shifted, stretching his neck as if it were too tight and constricting, "Does it restrict the blood flow to your mind palace or something?" She chuckled to herself and Sherlock glowered at her. "Well, you wont have to wear it all night. I assume everyone will be in various stages of undress with an open bar and all."

"Will they?" He muttered low, in that tone that was specifically intended to spread goose pimples across Kairi's skin and a thunderous sort of passion to curl in her belly. She hazarded a glance up into his eyes and he was staring at her, molten eyes and a wry sort of smirk.

She scowled at him as she finished the tie, "You know how to tie a bow tie, don't you?" The corner of his lips hitched just minutely and she gave out an exasperated sigh. She continued with her glare and stepped back, only feeling testy because he had succeeded in his game of getting her alone and making her want him like mad, "You can be so infuriating."

He stepped forward and placed a hand on her neck, gently tracing the skin with his thumb, "I've heard it was one of my best qualities."

She still frowned, though blood was pooling beneath her skin where his hand rested, causing her nerves to go into over drive at the sensation of his fingertips tracing the lines of her throat, "From who?"

He gave her a short scowl, "Doesn't matter." He grumbled as he dove in for a kiss, pulling her lips to his in a heated rush. Kairi lost all sense of self in that moment, his lips pressing against hers seemed to light a fire between them, fueled by their desperate need as they closed the space between and pressed against each other. Kairi felt his hands, leaving trails of fire in their wake as they moved across her shoulders, down her arms, gracing her hips and thighs as he continued to kiss her deeply. She felt his fingertips grace the skin of her legs and they moved up the line of her thighs, causing her to gasp as they trailed slowly beneath her tight skirt. She stepped back and gripped his hands.

"I can't let you." She rasped, leaning forward to kiss him some more, "I mean I _could_ let you," She giggled but then regained her composure, "but I can't! Not here, not now!" She gripped his face and forced him to look at her.

"Why not?" He whined.

She rolled her eyes at him. He pouted, he actually pouted with a jutted out lip and everything. She chuckled at his brazen, desperate behavior, "First, we are in a public place. Second, I don't know if you remember, but our friends are about a foot away from us outside these flimsy plywood walls! Third, if you even begin to touch me in that way I wont be able to control myself and I refuse to pay for a ruined dress that I barely like!" She hissed at him, but leaned in for another kiss despite her frustration.

"I'll pay for it. It looks lovely on you." He grumbled and pulled her closer, letting his hands grip her lower back as he held her tightly.

Kairi chuckled between kisses, "Sherlock, you _do_ remember how loud I can be, don't you?"

His lips moved along her jaw and nipped at her ear, he gave her a deep, appreciative chuckle that rumbled along her spine, "Vividly…"

Kairi shuddered at that, "Then all of the store will know you're shagging me to death in this cubicle!" She lost her train of thought when his teeth grazed her pulse, "Oh shit."

He rumbled through another chuckle again and his hand snaked beneath her skirt effortlessly and just barely grazed the seam of her underwear before she jumped back, pushing him away and glaring at him.

"You're evil!" She snarled.

He chuckled again, but then straightened and adjusted his suit, "Fine," He grumbled, "I would like to spend the night tonight."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes at him, "You're not allowed to just expect sex from me."

He gave her an appalled sort of look, "I haven't the faintest presumption of sex," he almost sounded wounded, but a dark sort of smile crept onto his lips, "However that doesn't mean I wont try."

Kairi gave a small shudder and then shook herself violently, pointing an accusing finger at him, "Stop that! We _can't_ have sex yet!"

He rolled his eyes, "Is this some sort of antiquated supposition? I've told you I am committed and -,"

"No!" Kairi said exhaustedly, ruffling a hand through her short hair, "We literally _can't_ have sex yet. I've got to get a new implant in."

Sherlock scowled at her, "Why did you remove it in the first place?"

She gave him a bored sort of annoyed look, "The hospital required it. They wanted me to heal up completely before I got another one in."

His face crumbled slightly and he sighed, "Oh, I'm sorry." He looked back up at her and she smiled weakly. He moved forwards and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"It's all right, you can't know the state of my vagina unless you've been in there." She chuckled a little sadly, "They wanted six months to a year of exams before putting the IUD back in. Exams were difficult enough and you were gone so I waited longer. Now that you're home and I feel ready again, they'll be willing to prescribe one as long as I pass all my tests."

He nodded slowly, "I see."

She chuckled, sensing the question on his lips, "I have an appointment Tuesday."

He chuckled, "Yes, well, we'll have to make Tuesday special, won't we?"

Kairi laughed and looked up at him, placing a small kiss on his lips, "Perhaps, if you're good."

He smiled against her lips, nipping at her bottom lip, "I am _very_ good, some might say excellent."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away, "_Behave!"_

She opened the door and stepped out. Luckily everyone was so busy with drinking mimosas and discussing some of the more ridiculous outfits in the bridal shop binder that they barely noticed. Kairi walked out and moved directly next to Molly where she shifted uncomfortably, practically reeking of sexual desperation.

Sherlock approached slowly, "Is this passable?"

Molly looked up with a wide smile in her beaming eyes, "Yes Sherlock, you look wonderful."

"Yeah, he does." Janine winked and Sherlock narrowed his eyes at her.

"Right, next round?" Molly smiled and sat down, playing her fingers along the tops of her thighs.

"I've just put this one on!" Sherlock complained and everyone chuckled.

"Come now Sherlock, it's not your day." Kairi muttered and ushered him back to his room while Molly just giggled at him and everyone else went back to their dressing rooms.

"It's not really her day yet either, you know." He grumbled and Kairi shoved him into his dressing room and slammed the door.

A few minutes later, everyone shuffled out again near the same time. Lestrade and Sherlock were wearing full black suits, with a slightly slimmer fitting pants, a short jacket, a black waistcoat, and a black cravat, pinned at their chest's. John was wearing the same, except his waistcoat and cravat were white. All the men looked each other up and down and nodded, seeming to feel relatively comfortable, though Sherlock still seemed a bit riled over the simple fact that he needed neckwear at all.

Janine stepped out, wearing simple black slip dress, covered in sapphire lace that hugged her frame gorgeously. The front cut low between her bust and had a scalloped neckline in sheer lace that went up and over her shoulders to button at the base of her neck. The lace trailed down her sides, leaving a large triangle of exposed skin, the point at the base of her spine. The skirt was snug, but not overly tight with a scalloped edge that and fell at two or three inches above her knees. She eyed the men appreciatively, giving them a wink while licking her lips in a joking lascivious way.

Kairi finally stepped out, shuffling a bit and feeling nervous over the amount of sexy she was feeling. Her dress was the same color lace as Janine's. It had a form-fitting bodice that hugged her torso until it hit her waist, where it fell down to a loose circle skirt with a scalloped edge that fell about four inches above her knee. The top itself curved along her chest with the same sort of cut with sheer lace, inching up her clavicle on one side, to go over a single shoulder. As she spun slowly, she smiled wide, feeling beautiful as the dress fanned out around her and exposed her bare back, only one side ensconced in lace that curled down resting just above the curve of her spine. She looked to Molly who gasped and had tears in her eyes as she took them all in.

"Oh!" Molly squealed, "Oh, this is it!" She giggled and stood, clapping her hands almost wildly, "I love this! Just enough vintage and sexy! You all look glorious!" She reached her arms out to John who walked up and kissed her on the lips.

"Thank goodness, I'm starved!" John chuckled and nibbled on her face a little bit longer.

Janine walked up to Lestrade and smoothed his lapels, "You look like you walked out of a renaissance erotica novel."

"You look like a very sexy school principal, I think we could make this work." He smiled.

Janine winked, "Oh, I like the way you think."

Kairi shuffled up to Sherlock who was gazing at her with his dark, hungry look. She tried not to blush, but it was almost impossible because she could practically feel the lines his eyes traveled along her skin. He gave her a predatory smile and licked his lips.

"Don't do that." Kairi whispered and shuddered. "You look like Mr. Darcy, possessed by a lecherous demon." She chuckled and tugged gently at the jacket and touched the cravat softly, "I like it." She scrunched her nose and couldn't help but giggle.

He smiled and leaned in, brushing his lips against her ear, exhaling gently to let the heat of his breath tickle against her skin. One, single fingertip ghosted along her bare spine and trailed upwards, so slowly it seemed to drive her purposely over the edge of her sanity and into the depths of frenzied ardor. As her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she gripped his lapels tighter, he chuckled into her ear, "It does not do us well to dwell upon temptation, but rather indulge in what we desire, because what we do not seize, but lust after, becomes a poison in our hearts." He gently pressed his lips against her neck and she shivered in his arms, "Luckily, I have no such qualms with reveling in your siren's song."

Kairi held back a groan, "God…" She whimpered.

He kissed her ear, "No, not this time," he whispered in a low growl, "I think you'll call another name when the time comes." He stood slowly and winked at her, turning sharply before walking back into his dressing room to change.

Kairi padded back into her own room with knocking knees and sat down hard, putting her head in her hands as lust and adrenaline replaced her pumping blood, "Fuck," She muttered in a shaky breath, "Tuesday can't come fast enough."

* * *

**_A/N_**

**_Muhuhahahahahahahaha fluuuuuuufff... Ok I promise, and you'll hate me, but just a few more chapters until I get to some glorious Kairi/Sherlock smut. Until then GO READ SMUTLOCK DAMNIT! And leave me some reviews. Its a big rough around the edges and in the middle and all parts in between, but it sure is fun if you're into something a bit rougher._**

So, since I spent so much time ripping out your hearts and stomping on them, I'm working on piecing them together with lots of fluff (eventual smut) and character development. We will dive back into the case soon, but its not the most important thing really happening here. I'm still thinking about 20 chapters, but definitely less than 30. So, don't stress, I'm still working on it and even though my brain seems to be in this permanent state of stupid, I'm still trying. Hopefully you're still enjoying it. PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

I have had a request by Mira SeverusSirius Black-Snape because she is a precious reviewer of mine to have a Kairi/Lestrade one-shot of what happened while Sherlock was away. I'm intrigued by this idea and hope to get into it soon (I'm sorry Mira that my attention span has been laughable lately) and was wondering who else might be a bit fascinated by it. All in all, I plan on writing it for her anyways, but wasn't sure if I would post it publicly or not. Also, if you have requests for one-shots please let me know. I do need the challenge and I want to hear about people's thoughts or opinions about the universe. Even if its not specifically kairi centric, general Canon stuff too. Just let me know. I appreciate your time taken to read this :) I love you all dearly

Love you my Holmies.


End file.
